lalala... it's the chirstmas season so merry X'mas everyone. Life's pretty the same, i'm done with DVDs and books i want to watch/read i guess. On a second book by Paulo Coelho- The Zahir, it's pretty interesting but i'm taking much longer to get through this one.... finally finished it todae, will blog bout it later... lol, apart from books and dvds, went for this wine-tasting thingie last week at swissotel with my parents. (food and service this time is much better than prom and it's cheaper too!) Drank like 5 glasses of wine but in the end apart from slower reflexes, wasn't anywhere near drunk. Paid a visit to the newly opened IKEA at tampines too. Actually wanted to visit Courts too as they are side by side, but in the end took like 3 hours to walk the entire of IKEA... haha... Then on fri, had CO outing at pasir ris park, went to the children's playground(yes, of all places). But it was a fun experience climbing webs, playing on the swings and playing soccer, apart from the occasional rain tht made us run for shelter and the rope burns from climbing the webs. Went for class party at night, was supposed to be a bbq but again the rain disrupted it. Nevertheless, haven't seen the class ppl for quite some time so it was nice catching up with them. Gift exchange was o___0 though, thanks to the present situ chose for himslef..lol... On sat, had a family christmas dinner at home, my parents ordered turkey which was okay but nvr really liked them. Chicken tastes so much better... lol, maybe coz we dun have fresh turkeys around here... hmm... then on chirstmas, met up with vin and xl who just returned from tekong. Went vivocity coz xl was there with his family and so many of us haven't seen the place yet. Ate at the food court b4 *ahem helping vin find a christmas present. Speaking of which, many thanks to snl for the christmas present... at least u bothered, unlike the rest of us..haha... Spent much of todae sleeping coz of the weather, just watched death note 1 though. arh... now i want to watch death note 2.... DSTA just sent their letter for the preliminary interview- 9 jan, 2 days b4 i depart for tekong...lol...

The problem-
"The acomodador or giving-up point: there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappointment in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and, to do so, he must review his own life and find out where it occurred."

The solution-
" That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are."

Extracts from The Zahir

well... however we may try to deny, we must admit that the people and world around us are going to change. Like i said in the farewell post, people move off at different pace in different directions after a farewell, and yah, i can already detect a certain distance creeping in. It is human to feel pain, but this pain cannot and should not prevent us from acceptance and moving on, coz ultimately we need to be out there doing what we want, not what we should. So... i guess i got to get a gear on and start moving off in my own direction at my own pace...

Been listening to evergreen old sch stuff nowadays. They nvr fail to put me in a good mood, even if they are super sad songs, like the one in the bg now. haha... shall post a few more here:)







这一次我执著面对 任性地沈醉
我并不在乎 这是错还是对
就算是深陷 我不顾一切
就算是执迷 我也执迷不悔

*别人说我应该放弃 应该睁开眼
我用我的心 去看去感觉
你并不是我 又怎黱了解
就算是执迷 就让我执迷不悔

我不是你们想的如此完美
我承认有时也会辨不出真伪
并非我不愿意走出迷堆
只是这一次 这次是自己而不是谁

#要我用谁的心去体会
真真切切地感受周围
就算痛苦 就算是泪
也是属於我的伤悲

我还能用谁的心去体会
真真切切地感受周围
就算疲倦 就算是累
也只能执迷不悔

[王菲-执迷不悔]

B4 i start on this post, i just want to add on to the last post. I can't believe i forgot the punchline.-When u practise universal love and love everyone, u in fact, love none at all.

The flats in my neighbourhood are being undergoing repainting and renovating works and i'm stuck at home, poisoned by the paint fumes.... been watching dvds and reading books recently, watched lake house, superman returns, toyko trial, last samurai and v for vendetta. For the books, i was on a harry potter spree until interrupted by this intriguing book- The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho. When i picked it up, i couldn't put it down till i finished it. Here's an extract:

"She had just realized that there were 2 things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surfaced: the fear of setting off along a road heading to who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever everything that is familiar. People want to change everything and, at the same time, want it all to remain the same. "

ppl are starting to enlist for NS, vin went in yest. 4 weeks left for me. For once, there is really nothing to look forward to in the new year. haiz.. scholarships apps essays are starting to pile up too, will prob get down to them after i finish my dvd and books spree. Was looking thru the pics that shannon took in RI, RI really changed a lot eh.. there's this overhead bridge thingy linking the admin block to the junior block. hmm... the one part of RI that i will always remember is its corridors, esp those on the 2 sides of the admin block, gives a homely feeling whenever u walk pass it.

Isn't it futile/pointless/a watse of energy being upset with someone who did something that he/she perhaps isn't aware of? How often have cowardice, fear and terror lulled us into choosing to become the victims of circumstances, when more often than not, we are masters of our own fate? I find myself unable to answer these questions

I was so sure I was right,but I hoped with everything i've got that i was wrong. But alas, it was not meant to be.There are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidence. Turn left, turn right, a choice has been and there's no turning back. Man ultimately needs what's worst in him in order to achieve what's best in him.

New song is N'sync's This I Promise You. The original i have is enchanting, think the version uploaded is a little low on quality, but yeah, ask from me if u wan the original. Tot this song is the only ballad that has a christmas-ly feel to it. It's the best song from N'sync if u ask me..

It's amazing how fast babies can grow. Haven't seen my niece for like 6 months and she grew from a baby that needs to be carried around to one that can trample her way across a room. And when it's mealtime, it's like waging a war. She would eat one spoonful of food and start running around for 5 minutes b4 eating another spoonful. And it's pretty interesting looking at her mum and dad fussing over her, trying to draw a line btw loving and spoiling the child. Spent most of my family chalet either watching her or playing with her.

hmm... realised that I've not blogged in quite some time. Shall do a short recap of wat happened since 2B chalet. Went for class outing(badminton) b4 going for the chalet. First night was spent watching ppl play rumble roses on ps2 and playing mahjong. lol, and the 2b ppl decided to celebrate the end of my birthday at midnight. 2nd night was bbq, good food plus lots of crapping bout sec sch days. Was at my family chalet for the 3rd day and had another bbq, haha, a miracle tht i didn't fall sick. When the bbq ended, went back to the 2b chalet and we went night cycling. Our first destination was East Coast Park and we cycled along Changi Beach Road which spanned across the entire length of changi airport's runway. By the time we reached the end of the road, decided against going to ECP and turned around. hmm.. changi airport looks quite spectacular at night and watching planes taking off and landing at close distance was quite interesting. Although yeah, there was an unusually high population of ppl in pairs sitting on cars or motorcycles parked on the sides of the road. After resting for a while back at the chalet, cycled to Pasir Ris Downtown East and back. Overall, night cycling was a little tiring, but nonetheless a fun experience. Checked out the next morning, went back home to sleep for a while b4 going for my family chalet. hmm... after my family chalet, there was prom. Performances were pretty boring but well, prom's for us to take photos after all. Missed the last train after prom, so decided to join the co ppl and zj's class ppl at kbox. After kbox, went back to the hotel room to watch champs league and played some slapjack game. Went home in the morning to sleep(i seem to sleep in the morning alot nowadays... totally screwed up sleep cycle) and went for CCO's concert at night. kk, then yest went down to suntec to watch RJCO perform. Glad to see them trying new stuff, arrangements of non-traditional chinese songs and stuff. ha, jiayou for next yr's SYF! hmm... thts bout it for my past week, i guess

Watched Battle of Wits sometime earlier, there was this line: 兼爱是因为你不懂得选择你应该爱的人. One practice universal love when one is unable to choose who he/she should love. How true....

你想要的，我却不能够，给你我全部
我能给的，却又不是你，想要拥有的

kk, new song. 花香 by 周传雄. Shall post the original MTV here. Was actually sung by 许绍洋 and it was the 主题曲 for 薰衣草. omg, 陈怡蓉 so chio, but 刘亦菲 still pwns all...haha

风没有方向的吹来
雨也跟着悲伤起来
没有人能告诉我
爱是在什么时候悄悄走开

风伴着花谢了又开
雨把眼泪落向大海
现在的我才明白
你抱着紫色的梦选择等待

记忆是阵阵花香
我们说好谁都不能忘
守着黑夜的阳光
难过却假装坚强
等待的日子里
你比我勇敢

记忆是阵阵花香
一起走过永远不能忘
你的温柔是阳光
把我的未来填满
提醒我花香常在
就像我的爱

风伴着花谢了又开
雨把眼泪落向大海
现在的我才明白
你抱着紫色的梦选择等待

[花香-周传雄]

nearing the end of my chalet streak. 2B2k2's chalet ended today and my family chalet is ending tmr... had loads of fun throughout the 4 days though i was running all over the place. Lots of mahjong, ps2, night cycling and bbqs (2 in 2 day, lol) Probably the last gathering for the 2b ppl b4 we go for NS, hopefully we'll find time next year for a chalet... haha...

b4 i go off to my family's chalet, just want to say a big thank you to the ppl who sent me birthday greetings on my birthday, esp the CO peeps and the 2b ppl. Oh yes, not to forget the presents and the cake as well, really appreciated them. Thanks a lot!

finally changed my layout after like 3 years.... thanks to xl for helping out with the code.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Random quotes from stuff i've been watching/reading

"Geniuses know the answer before knowing the question."

“Friends are an integral part of your life, but every friend you have must live life at their own pace. When the time comes & they must leave you, there is no need to grieve over their parting from your life. It is the very essence of life that it should be so. But it hurts nonetheless and we grieve nonetheless, but we hold them in our hearts forever. Always cherish the joy, laughter, memories and love that they have brought into your lives. Always remember them with a warm smile for what they have given you.”

"I've made the most important discovery of my life. It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found."

"But I usually lone it anyway, for no reason except that I like to watch movies undisturbed so I can get into them and live them with the actors. When I see a movie with someone, it's kind of uncomfortable, like having someone read your book over your shoulder."

"There'll be a whole lot of things you ain't gonna wanna do but you'll have to do in this life just so you can survive. Now I didn't like [some incident], but I let it be. I don't like letting it be, but I can live with that decision. But there are other things, that if I'd let them be, they'd eat away at me and destroy me in the end. And it's the same with you. There are things you can't back down on, things you gonna take a stand on. But it's up to you to decide what them things are. You have to demand respect in this world, ain't nobody just gonna hand it to you. How you carry yourself, what you stand for- that's how you gain respect. But ain't nobody's respect worth more than your own. You understand that?"

"A: What is a problem?
B: If I held you by your heels from a third storey window, you would have a problem."
A(after much thought): I do not think so. If you saved me, all would be well. If you dropped me, nothing would matter. It is you who would have the problem."

"There were two kinds of naivete, he said, quoting Schweitzer, one not even aware of the problems, and another which has knocked on all doors of knowledge and knows man can explain little, and is still willing to follow his convictions into the unknown."

Well.... haha.. think what i've read for the past few days is more than what I've been reading for the past 2 years. I think the pleasure out of reading a book comes from the conincidence of thoughts, when you read about a certain idea and go "exactly what I'd think", even if the context of your applied situation differs greatly from the setting of the book. A "cognitive reverie" indeed...

Carrying on with my sodagreen craze, this is THE song that i would say, defines the band.:)

是不是只能透过双手
爱才会有交直流
我也找不到够坚强的插座

看天空里浮云悠游
羡煞了我的不自由
我站在窗口我蹲在角落
听你的流动

谁说学不了微风
过眼从山间飞过
看耳边的窝堆成泡沫

咽了下一口就放出彩虹
落在我胸口

跳动的世界里找你的频率
静止也不休息
抓住你的呼吸
我再多说一句
猜你的回应

流动的时间里找你的旋律
转眼整个世界
只剩你的应许

今夜就开始放晴
我身上还有春天的痕迹
尘封的记忆已开始飘零
瞬间和永远零距离

我放自己飞行
在有你的记忆

[苏打绿-频率]

Yay... It's finally over... S papers were not as bad as expected, but that does not guarantee a D or even a M. Pretty happy with organic section of Chem S (but where's my structured elucidation?!) and section B of physics S. haha, 3 torturous weeks of wishing it will be over soon and yet, now that it's over, i dunno wat i want to do. hmm... still addicted to s paper physics and structured elucidation(i finally understood what shireen meant when she said that structured elucidation is fun) Perhaps i should take time off and just stare into space, strange that it is always after exams that we are able to appreciate the power and ability to daydream.

okae... some ppl say x-japan's music is depressing, but well i guess it depends on the relative extent. Like the previous song Without You by Yoshiki, it can soothe your angst if you allow your emotions to flow with the music, but too much of it can depress you as by then the music dictates your emotions. Well.. just to break that impression that i listen to only "depressing" songs, here's one happy song by sodagreen to suit this post-exam mood. And finally to jen han, pls get a life and stop nit-picking other ppl's English, else go read BBC or something....

清醒前的一秒钟那窗前人影
匆匆欣赏谁眉宇追逐的游戏
我角膜快速移动不着边际
瞬间一身染色体蠢动得可以

梦想没有刻度他忽焉在前忽焉在后
让人踌躇不知该往前还是往后

谁的酣声让我影子烤焦
我却清醒谁面容冰冻飘摇
谁长出翅膀谁发现天堂
我头中充满云朵飞翔的梦
发现美洲后长存妖魔

记忆持续身体的日与夜
因谁轻快我才蹒跚旷野
谁摘下王冠谁发现宝藏
能唱出柔软清晨天使歌声
在着火的战场北讨南征

华丽舞台在上演惊涛和骇浪
静静稀释了惆怅歌舞在飞扬
就算痴人唱梦那又怎样
最终不会是白忙来疯狂疯狂

[相对论IV-苏打绿]

Yoshiki's Without You is back up on my blog. The more I listen to it, the more addictive it gets. haha. I like the way he uses music to portray the emotions rather than letting the emotions portray the music. I guess a suitable analogy would be like someone may appear nonchalant, yet you know that deep inside he/she actually does care. Reminds me of the scene in The Outsiders(yes ri ppl, sec 2 lit book) where Ponyboy busted an end of a bottle to use it to threaten some socs and after they left, proceeded to pick up the glass pieces one by one so that others would not get a flat tire. It's not about pretence and hypocrisy, it's about channeling the potentially irrational and explosive energy of emotions into something that is beautiful and can be appreciated. Yet, this form of beauty is often flawed- for being too beautiful, for distorting the true nature of emotions to cater to the aesthetic preferences of humankind. Often termed the "sinister appeal", this obsession with the "framed perfection" apparently fails right from the start, because it puts down a definition for perfection.
难道追求完美也有错？
完美主义或许没那么完美吧？
要不是就是缺乏勇气去追求这份完美？

Moving on, me and xl were discussing the m and m featured on stomp incident over msn when he asked if i felt angry at the tarnishing of the good name of our sch. My reply was after coming to rj, the sense of solidarity is lost. With an explosion of cultures and stuff, u just feel tht u can't be responsible for all these ppl who think and act so differently from u. I think that in RJ, the students are not united as a whole, but there are very strong ties among small groups of ppl. For me, I can identify with RJCO, with my class, with the bridge club ppl, with my sec sch friends, but i cannot identify myself with the school. If someone was to come up to me to ask about the blogger/sucide/stomp incident, my natural reaction would not be an angry response in defense of the school, rather it would be a compromised acceptance- that yes, those ppl were from RJ, BUT, I do not know them that well, hence shrugging off any collective responsibility. I guess that sums up the role of RJ for me for the past 2 years- just an institution, a structure in place, nothing more.

okae.. moving on the the papers, just point out some of the controversies here and there and my stand. yes, i agree it's not good to harp on exams, but when u leave an exam realising that you did not knoe something, i think it's important that you go find out the answer and complete the learning process.

Maths Paper 1 and 2- not much problems, for numerical methods, the qn explicitly states that the series converges. So, my stand is tht you are supposed to explain the convergence to alpha rather than why it converges.

Chem Paper 3- BF3 is a lewis acid (electron acceptor), hence it forms co-ordinate bond with (CH3)3N, not some strange ionic bond.

Physics Paper 3- Proving electron is a particle means to prove that it has mass and charge. Strangely, they were kind enough to provide the ans in qn 5, that is using an electric field to show deflection. A magnetic field would be fine also.

I'm not an econs pro, so shall refrain from commenting on econs. Papers this year were quite fair? cept for maybe Physics paper 2, which tested more on general knowledge than on Physics. 2 mores S papers. Time to mug. Til then...



The last bg song i put up was by this taiwanese band sodagreen.Here's the mv. They have quite a few nice songs that are worth listening to....

One week down.... 2 and a half more A level subjects to go b4 S papers.... Hang in there ppl. It'll be over soon enough. haha... got sian of the bg song within 2 days, decided to put this new one which goes easy on the ear...

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

最后谁也都苍老

[苏打绿-小情歌]

Came up here just to change the bg music. After hearing this song, one can only wonder if there is any song that cannot be translated across languages. Presenting the english version of 新鸳鸯蝴蝶梦, can't let you go...

Only you know how I feel
Only you know what I miss
Can't you see you're just what I need

After all that we've been through
After all I've done for you
You should know my love is for real

Am I asking for too much
Am I waiting for too long
All I need is your tender touch

Don't you know I'm on my knees
Don't you know I'm begging please
Won't you take a look at me now

No matter how hard I try
Can't get you off my mind
I just don't know what to do to have you back here again
I can't let go, can't let you know
I'm trying don't you know
All my love goes to show
I can't go on without you

盼不到我爱的人
我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人
片刻柔情他骗不了人

我不是无情的人
却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真忘了我的人

离不开我爱的人
我知道爱需要缘份
放不下爱我的人
因为了解他多么认真

为什么最真的心
碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中直到它变冷

爱我的人对我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪

爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围

[游鸿明-爱我的人和我爱的人]

Revisiting old songs again.... Can't seem to get them out of my head... haha. Talking bout old songs, Joey Mcintyre's Stay The Same just played on my playlist and i must say that i never did pay much attention to the lyrics before.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else?
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you¹re better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,cuz there¹s nothin' 'bout you I would change.

First paper in 3 days. Everyone 加油！ May the force be with you! (perhaps this should only apply for ppl taking physics. ha)

Liverpool just lost again. haiz, maybe i should stop watching football for a while, Liverpool are just so painful to watch these days.

Was just wondering... At some points in life, one would experience losing the sense of direction (not so much of the one that enables you not to get lost on the way home, but more of the one that gives you that gut feeling that what you are doing now is correct and would aid you in some bigger picture) These moments are kind of funny cause you just have this sudden realisation that what matters to you at lot before don't really matter now. Are humans really born fickle? Fickleness would be a welcome option for many of us but the problem is it undermines one's personality. It makes one look and feel stupid, but... is fickleness a choice? Is not making a choice a choice? Perhaps you might answer yes, but consider this: If your motivation for something was to disintergrate in front of your eyes, would you have the strength to move on, to pick an alternative that you could argue with conviction against before and with that same amount of conviction, argue for it now?

Enlightenment- the act of realisation, is really a neutral term. Wisdom comes with an understatement: knowing everything means to know that nothing is perfect. The already familiar line of "In time, one will learn." rings out, suggesting that one day we will learn to see the beauty in imperfection, in pain, in destruction. Many of us, i believe have taken a few lessons from time and have emerged to be more mature and enlightened, but have we ever asked, "what did we lose from this lesson?" Time is no doubt a great teacher, but sometimes it teaches us things that we don't want to learn....

(男)他们告诉我爱是个恶魔
要你一颗心还你一场空
我们的爱与众不同
推翻他们的胡说
爱上之前我懵懵懂懂
现在我明白我生的理由
原来我已睡了很久
是用爱叫醒我
(女)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有我的完美
我的娇柔我的悸动
你要我什么你爱我怎么
只要说出口我的深情
我的不悔我的执著
都是你的
(男)做什都对说什都感动
天地都有情连山水都温柔
爱对了什都不愁
别人为何都不懂
牵着你的手我什都不求
抱你在怀中一生就已足够
不管是天堂是宇宙
就是我爱的时候
(女)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有我的完美(完美)
我的娇柔(娇柔)我的悸动(悸动)
你要我什么(有的全部都要给我)
你爱我怎么(我爱的每一个动作)
只要说出口(我已经无法说的尽)
我的深情
我的不悔(不悔)
我的执著(执著)
都是你的(都是的)

(大合唱)你要我什么你爱我怎么
只让你拥有
我的完美(的完美)
我的娇柔(的娇柔)
我的悸动(悸动)
你要我什么(你有的全部都要给我)
你爱我怎么(我爱的每一个动作)
只要说出口(我已经无法说的尽)
我的深情
我的不悔(不悔)
我的执著(执著)
都是你的(都是的)

[同恩,范逸臣-相爱]

(中原)我以为冬天是最美丽的季节
冷冷的溪边有你还有鱼在水里
(霆锋)一堆堆很自在,一对对很相爱,让人想到未来
(鸿明 中原)是不是你也和我一起在寻找,
那种鱼只有幸福的人看得到
(霆锋)谁用爱去拥抱它就在周围绕
(鸿明)陪你一直到老

(中原)我知道这些日子你要承担多少哀伤
(鸿明)才可以面对破碎的梦想
(大炜 霆锋)我相信那么多的关心总会带来希望
(鸿明)别忘了我们这里还有鱼

(鸿明 中原)是不是你也和我一起在寻找,
那种鱼只有幸福的人看得到
(霆锋)谁用爱去拥抱它就在周围绕
(鸿明 中原)陪你一直到老

(中原 鸿明)我知道这些日子你要承担多少哀伤
(鸿明 中原)才可以面对破碎的梦想
(大炜 霆锋)我相信那么多的关心总会带来希望
(鸿明 中原)别忘了我们这里还有鱼

(大合唱)在这里没有风浪不会摇晃不再心慌
当黑夜过去总会有阳光
我陪你找个池塘盖间平房忘掉哀伤
给自己一个有鱼的地方

[魔霆痴狂-我们这里还有鱼]

lol, got fish? I like these 2 lines 那种鱼只有幸福的人看得到,谁用爱去拥抱它就在周围绕. Mugging is beginning to feel quite sian and i haven't started on gp, which is quite worrying. haiz.. back to mugging..

不要問 不要說 一切盡在不言中
這一刻偎著燭光 讓我們靜靜的渡過
莫揮手 莫回頭 當我唱起這首歌
怕只怕淚水輕輕的滑落

願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬

幾許愁 幾許憂 人生難免苦與痛
失去過 才能真正懂得去珍惜和擁有
情難捨 人難留 今朝一別各西東
冷和熱點點滴滴在心頭

願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬

傷離別 離別雖然在眼前
說再見 再見不會太遙遠
若有緣 有緣就能期待明天
你和我重逢在燦爛的季節

願心中留著笑容
陪你渡過每個春夏秋冬

[张学友-祝福]

All tht i wan to say for the moment is inside the song above. nic did ask me to post something more substantial, but i just dun have the inspiration at the moment...

It's all about the temptation to turn back and look. Never a wise move, coz u end up missing the things that are right in front of you, that is assuming you are facing the correct direction in the first place.

Falling sick due to the haze... Moon-gazing during mid-autumn became watching PSI. Last day of sch on fri.. While walking to sch from j8, suddenly realised that i've been walking that path for 6 years and it would probably be one of the last few times i'll be walking down tht road. hmm... what really struck me was the dispairity in thinking between 6 years ago and now. The rafflesian experience had indeed been memorable, thanks to everyone who was part of it....

我想我应该轻轻放开你的手，我却没有力气这么做...

Happy Children's Day! lol, i actually forgot that it was children's day until i saw so many kids running around in the park today. And umay, no such thing as a music 白痴... only a distinction btw those who are willing to listen and those who are not and I dun think u fall under the latter category

A more refined Yoshiki and his graceful playing on the piano, the song- Anniversary. A perhaps more "socially acceptable" image of him apart from his usual piano or drum banging self in X-Japan. Bg music is a small part(around one-quarter) of Without You, a composition by Yoshiki. Spent one whole night listening to it over and over again, just can't get the melody out of my head...beautiful...

One more week of official school left... I dun knoe how to describe this feeling... Complex to the point of being emotionless?...

Hooked onto a lovely strain of music,
The freshness of the first listening,
the intensity of the subsequent ones.
Every note, every chord, reminding us that-
Pain can be beautiful...
if portrayed in the right manner.

笼子的小鸟不知自由飞翔的快乐
但却能过着无忧无虑的生活。
这叫“不知是福”[ignorance is bliss] 吧。

外面世界的美-那蔚蓝的天空，清清的花香，
里头却也藏着残酷和冷漠-那无情的暴风雨，惊涛骇浪。
小鸟选择飞出笼子拥抱世界的美，享受飞翔的快乐的同时，
也见识了世界的丑陋残酷，也了解了自己可能会受伤的一天

人也一样，有两张脸。
丑的一面不是一个人的全部。
我们需包涵的不只是别人丑的一面，
更重要的是我们得接受自己丑的一面。
每一个人总做了一两件自己无法原谅的事情，
但我们得明白丑的一面和美的一面始终是同一个人。
若为了隐藏丑的一面就把自己关在笼子里，
那也就等于杀了自己美的一面。
真正的活着就是为了继续飞翔...

Prelims are finally over. Dun expect much from the results, esp for S papers. In the middle of a long break now. Time to catch up on some drumming, been ages since i last touched my sticks.....

放弃了也许才看得到,我从不是你的骄傲.
在我的后乐园中谁是我的依靠,我相信总有一天我会找到
用我的心去感受拥有爱的美好,我愿意世界为你 就这样 静止了...

Let's do a variation on Canon in D, the wonderfully overplayed piece that became so mainstream that it can be considered pop. The first variation is by George Winston, the one playing in the bg, made famous by the movie My Sassy Girl. The second is by this guy on youtube on the electric guitar. I kind of like the first variation more, has a reminiscent touch to it. The second variation is nonetheless refreshing, but not something that will stay on my playlist for long. And yeah, that guy has got fingers that any musician will die for.

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you <---- moulin rouge's rearangement starts from this line

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

[Your Song- Elton John]

Above is evidence why moulin rouge is such a good show. Not to take anything away from Elton John, his original rendition of this song is still wonderful with his trademark piano charm. But when u hear the rearangement in moulin rouge, it's a blast, literally. Full of kick, induces euphoria...... Gd stuff...

Steve Irwin's death left the world in disbelief but the general sentiment was that at least he died doing what he loved best. Incidents like this throw into the obvious one of the unsaid and unadmitted truths of all man- the fragility of life. And it made me wonder if we have been too ignorant of it even at our level. How we are always complaining of odds being stacked against us, things not going our way and so on. The realisation of the fragility of life forces us to relook our expectations and perhaps makes us more thankful for what we have. Often we overlook the times when the odds favour us, our expectations distorted to the extent that we think that it is a given that things will go our way and so choosing to make a big fuss whenever the balance tips slightly in the other direction.

我的你
总是迟疑
连吻别也要隔著玻璃
我的你
在我指缝间远离去

这城市太过拥挤
满座的爱情电影
我用力推不开回忆

担心
你的单心
怕你将我想起
在那微寒的夜
寂寞来寻
最好是屏住你的呼吸

哦...担心
我的单心
你就这样放心
我却如此愿意
竟然愿意
用白天
用黑夜
用思念
拥著你

[陈洁仪-担心]

Was impeded in my march to finish revision by the need to assemble the portfolio. A rather nostalgic experience I would say, esp when I based much of my personal statement and reflections on CO. The run down memory lane aided by past blog entries was a thrilling one as the euphoria of concerts and the sadness at farewells and handovers were all relived....That at the end of it, I just couldn't beleive that it was all over, all gone.

A salute to the memories of RICO 2001-2004 and RJCO 2005-2006. There are just some things in life that you will never forget....

I have no affinity with science questions. For the second time in a row, I abandoned my "spotted" topic and went for the question on the arts which I never did an ounce of preparation for. Call it stupidity or recklessness, I'll call it fate. Just like how Science ever had a social purpose eluded me throughout the exam,...

New song by FIR. Got a lot of negative comments from critics all over, but i found it quite refreshing. I refuse to compare it with the original song coz they are like 2 diff songs. Enjoy.

how do i live without you
i want to know
how do i breathe without you
if you ever go
how do i ever
ever survive
how do i how do i
oh how do i live

当你的手还握在我手中
没有一次
我还停留
说不出口的感动
当你的手还握在我手中
灿烂的笑容
不论过多久
都让我心动

每一天在你的怀里等待
每一次我感觉你的存在
不能重来
不愿离开
是永远都灿烂的爱

每一天在你的梦里等待
每一次我感觉你的存在
so how do i live
how do i live
how do i live
without you

当你的手还握在我手中
没有一次
我还放手
没有一次
停留
当你的手还握在我手中
灿烂的笑容
不论过多久
都让我心动

oh tell me now

how do i live without you
how do i breathe without you

[F.I.R. - 天天夜夜]

Scene at the park

A guy and a girl, each riding a bicycle. Girl on a smaller bike tries to break away.

girl: Dun follow me. I'm going to the maze myself.
guy: No way! If u do that, i'll follow u. (as though that is a threat)

Guy speeds up and catches up with the girl. Girl pulls a long face and starts sulking.

Guy(with an air of authority): No matter where u go, i'll follow you and protect you. I wouldn't let anything happen to u.

Girl smiles a little and starts racing with the guy.

At this point, i think it is good for you, the reader, to know that the "guy" and "girl" each are less than 10 years old. My thoughts after watching this scene- The end products of 18 years of sophistication are hypocrisy and cynicism.

有一个失明的女孩叫叶子
是我的好朋友
我知道在她心里面
能看得见一切

在她透明的心儿里面
有一个角落
那里停放着
善良的故事和动人的传说
这个世界没有欺骗也没有争夺
美丽的女孩叫叶子
它经常这麽说

在她透明的眼睛里面
有一片湖泊
那里沉浸着
喜悦的伤感和忧郁的快乐
它的水面上没有涟漪也没有颜色
长长的睫毛闪烁着无尽的猜测
叶子问:

爱情是什麽颜色的
如果忧郁是蓝色的
快乐是什麽颜色的
如果寂寞是灰色的
天空是什麽颜色的
如果汪洋是蓝色的
我说天空也是蓝色的
因为他们彼此相爱了

爱情是什麽颜色的
如果记忆是模糊的
渴望是什麽颜色的
如果时间是静止的
永恒是什麽颜色的
如果呼吸是短暂的

我想我只好沉默
因为这问题地球也在思考着
透明是什麽颜色的
如果风儿是快乐的
叶子的眼睛是透明的
心是心是快乐的
心是快乐的

[羽泉-叶子]

Heard this really really beautiful song on 933 while on the bus to school today.
爱情是透明的吧....

Yesterday after the bbq at shawn's house, waited 50 mins for bus 14 to come and bring me to Tanah Merah MRT. Considering the efficiency of sg's transport system, 50 mins is like wtf, esp when the govt just emphasized the need for higher standards of service. In any case, I gained a few insights from the process of waiting, so perhaps the 50 mins of waiting was worth it after all.

Waiting, defined generally, means to put certain aspects of one's life on hold till a certain event occurs. Waiting for a bus is probably one of the more trivial type of waiting that one would experience in a lifetime, but it has implications that many of us never actually thought about. 2 of which i just thought of below.

First, why wait? Reasons generally fall under 2 catergories. 1) The event is highly likely to happen. 2) The event is highly unlikely to happen. The former is probably justified waiting, waiting that can justify itself. Like waiting for a bus or a plate of food at the hawker centre, they are justified as most of the times the event that you want occurs. In the latter case, it is more tricky, as waiting has to be justified by more than just the rewards of the event happening. The reasons then can be divided into voluntary and involuntary ones. In the involuntary case. waiting is not a choice as the event happening is the only way out. In the voluntary case, waiting is justified by a strong personal preference for the event over any others.

Secondly, is there a limit to waiting? More often than not, when we look at limit and waiting, we think of time. "The most i'll wait is 2 hrs" However, the idea that we can switch from waiting to not waiting mode instantaneously is rather absurd. Consider waitng for a bus. One can set a limit and say i'll wait for 30 mins. After 30 mins, u look for a taxi. Just when u were about to flag the taxi, u see the bus arriving. Would you then say, "nope, 30mins up, i'll take the taxi" ? The reason by which one would wait must be that taking the bus is much more favourable than taking a taxi. Hence, in a case where both are present, the bus is the natural choice, but due to other constraints, like needing to get to a place by a certain time, we might choose the alternative after 30 mins. Therefore, the conclusion we can draw is that time is measure of the ability to wait, not of the desire to. We never do give up on waiting, we only run out of time to be able to wait...

Boa's Waiting playing in the bg. It's national day today. Happy birthday Singapore! National Day celebrations yest were kinda sucky, but i guess it's still better than the NUS ppl doing flag day....

Hsinghai concert was yest, a timely reminder of how odd life has been without CO. The music, the people, the passion... all starting to fade slowly into the background. Perhaps one day, we'll be back as the alumni CO reliving the music, the people, the passion... Till then, i'll be thankful for what has been and shed a tear for what could have been. On a sidenote, butterfly lovers concerto is really not suitable for pipa, i still prefer the 'string'(bowed) feel of the song.

MIT talk today. I'll let the stats speak for themselves. 100 out of 2500 international applicants make it into MIT each year and out of that 100, there is an average of 2 per year from Singapore. If that is not extreme enough, the 2 that are admitted are almost certain to hold medals in international olympaids or done high level research in research institutes. This translates to ggxx...

我知道这样 不好 也知道你的爱只能 那么少
我只有不停的要 要到你 想逃
泪湿的枕头晒干就好 眼泪在你的心里只是 无理取闹
以为在你身后 是我我一辈子的骄傲
原来你 什么都不想要

我不要你的呵护 你的玫瑰 只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 哪个女人对爱 不自私 不奢望
我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 最怕你把沉默 当做对我的回答

我知道这样 不好 也知道你的爱只能 那么少
我只有不停的要 要到你 想逃
泪湿的枕头晒干就好 眼泪在你的心里只是 无理取闹
以为在你身后 是我我一辈子的骄傲
原来你 什么都不想要

我不要你的呵护 你的玫瑰 只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 哪个女人对爱 不自私 不奢望
我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 最怕你把沉默 当做对我的回答

Oh~ 我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 哪个女人对爱 不自私 不奢望
我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 最怕你把沉默 当做对我的回答

原来你 什么都不想要

[原来你什么都不想要 - 张惠妹]

too late... too little...

If u are convinced by the two videos by X japan and want more, here's the song that u should listen to. Now it seems as though i'm ks-ing jloh's post. lol... Pre-condition: Patience to wait for it to load and 1/2 hr just listening to it. A word of caution again, it's hard to digest on the first listening, esp the piano part, but yoshiki really redefined wat is meant by "playing with the piano" Toshi (lead singer) once commented that he has to be in a painful mood to sing X japan songs, but it is better to feel pain in reality than to live happily in delusion. Or is it?

[Art of life- X-japan]

Desert Rose
Why do you live alone
If you are sad
I'll make you leave this life
Are you white, blue or bloody red
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand

The winds of time
You knock me to the ground
I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away
I don't know how to set me free to live
My mind cries out feeling pain

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart
In the pain I'm waiting for you
Can't go back
No place to go back to
Life is lost, Flowers fall
If it's all dreams
Now wake me up
If it's all real
Just kill me

I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without saying any words
What I don't wanna lose is love

Through my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion's losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I'm shouting out loud
Insanity takes hold over me

Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within
"All existence you see before you
must be wiped out :
Dream, Reality, Memories,
and Yourself"

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind
Nobody can stop my turning to madness
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart
Why do you wanna raise these walls
I don't know the meaning of hatred
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies
I only want to hold your love

Stab the dolls filled with hate
Wash yourself with their blood
Drive into the raging current of time
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly
"the earth"
Shout and start creating confusion
Shed your blood for pleasure
And what? For love?
What am I supposed to do?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Past and future prison my heart
Time is blind
But I wanna trace my love
on the wall of time, over pain in my heart
Art of life
Insane blade stabbing dreams
Try to break all truth now
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain
Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life
Keep on crying

Close my eyes
Time breathes I can hear
All love and sadness
melt in my heart


Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my walls

You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so
You're painting your heart with your blood
You can't say "No"
Only turning the wheel of time
with a rope around your neck
You build a wall of morality and take a breath
from between the bricks
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them
You're trying to commit suicide
You're satisfied with your prologue
Now you're painting your first chapter black
You are putting the scraps of life together
and trying to make an asylum for yourself
You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage
and
You are trying to kill me

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live, Do I try to love
in my dream

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart
I just wanna let my emotions get out
Nobody can stop
I'm running to freedom
No matter how you try to hold me in your world
Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memory half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams

Close my eyes
Rose breathes I can hear
All love and sadness melt in my heart
Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my mind

Dreams can make me mad
I can't leave my dream
I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am
What lies are truth?
What truths are lies?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live? Do I try to love?

Art of life
An Eternal Bleeding heart
You never wanna breathe your last
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A Rose is breathing love
in my life

We won. The first and last championship title. 5 rounds of Swiss on sat and we qualified for the semis ranked 3rd. Come sunday, we whacked VJ 25-0 and HCI 24-6 to clinch top spot. Thanks to zhu and hammy for the luck. Really needed it to make the beautiful 18 pt 3NT.

But somehow it didn't feel like winning. I guess it's a matter of perspective.... You win some, you lose some. I'm beginning to make some sense out of this cryptic line..

2 vidoes by X-Japan. 1st one is Tears, 2nd one is Endless Rain. B4 going on, just a warning that the videos might be visually disturbing to some. To give u an idea... X-japan is a all-guy band, but some would say that Yoshiki (the pianist/drummer) is quite chio.lol. Tears was the first X-Japan song i've heard and for those who find it familiar, u might have heard it in the movie Windstruck. The video on endless rain was taken during their final concert b4 disbanding. The reason X-japn is a legend is very simple: they had the best of everything. Unique and powerful voice, crazy drumming and piano, the best guitars i've seen and most importantly, their music reaches out to u even though it was composed more than 10 years ago. Simply awesome....

ps. stop the bg music by pressing the stop button...lol

身为一道彩虹
雨过了就该闪亮整片天空
让我深爱的你感到光荣

身为一道彩虹
尽全力也要还你一段笑容
够了我爱你不必人懂
不必人懂 (只要你懂)

只要不醒过来
这就不是梦
请拥抱我
请看着我
体温别流走

好多话想说
好多事要做
请天空给我
请时间给我
再多一点停留

亲爱的你我有感动
请牢记在心中
下一次下雨
你能看见的
那道彩虹
不再可能是我

[动力火车- 彩虹]

On a Power Station fever currently, might post more of their songs in the future. I was wondering if i should just convert this into a music blog, coz recently i feel, as mrs v puts it, intellectually flaccid.

Random points

From POTC: Many ppl can tell u what they want, but few can tell u what they want most.

From CT results: The grades are screaming, "Start mugging!"

From RGCO concert: Some ppl need to be taught how to behave like audiences.
On a separate note, realised that i have never been to any RICO concerts since leaving 2 yrs ago.

NUSS is this sat. Last chance to win. Time to mug bridge, studies can wait for a week i guess...

Tsunami again... This world is screwed up...

If you haven’t changed your mind
Soba ni ite hoshii yo Tonight

Tsuyogaru koto ni tsukareta no
Osana sugita no Everytime I think about you baby
Ima nara ieru I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

Tatoeba dare ka no tame ja naku anata no tame ni
Utaitai kono uta wo
Owara nai story tsuduku kono kagayaki ni
Always tsutaetai zutto eien ni

Memories of our time together
Kesa nai de kono mama don’t go away

Atatakaku toke dashite tashikameru no
Yasashisa no shizuku kono mune ni hirogatteku
Setsu nai hodo ni I’m missing you
Kasaneta te hanasa naide

Tatoeba kanau nara mou ichido anata no tame ni
Utai tai kono uta wo
Owara nai story taemanai itoshisa de
tell me why oshiete yo zutto eien ni

Tatoeba dare ka no tame ja naku anata no tame ni
Utaitai kono uta wo
Owara nai story tsuduku kono kagayaki ni
Always tsutaetai zutto eien ni

Tatoeba kanau nara mou ichido anata no tame ni
Utai tai kono uta wo
Owara nai story taemanai itoshisa de
tell me why oshiete yo zutto eien ni

>English Translation<

If you haven’t changed your mind
Then I want you by my side Tonight

I’m so tired of always having to bluff
Everytime I think about you baby, I feel so young
If I could just tell you I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

Memories of our time together
this way, they don’t go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I’m missing you
please don’t let go of my hand

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

[Yuna Ito - Endless Story]

Just can't get enough of the song.... Original Jap Version of 张惠春's 想念你的歌 which teresa sang in campus superstar finals.

World Cup's over. Italy won but zidane stole the limelight by using his head. lol.. and did the italians play for the penalties just to show that they can "break the curse" and win via penalties? Nonetheless, it was a job well done and they never conceded a goal to the opponents from open play throughout the entire tournament- tht's truly amazing.... kudos to zidane for his cheeky penalty, he must be crazy to try such a thing against buffon in the world cup finals- perhaps tht got to his head and got him sent off.. In any case, he will still be remembered as a great soccer legend with a pivotal head that scored twice in 98 against brazil to lead France to the cup and of course, in the opposite sense, we all know what happened this morning....

Starting on perhaps the last term of proper school, there's this "jadedness" among the J2s now, a kind of "sian diao" feeling... It's kind of like knowing the end is near but you can't do anything to prevent it, so one chooses not to care coz it is too late for the "should-haves and the could-haves"... Or is it?....

World cup update. Italy mustered a win over overly favoured hosts Germany by smashing in 2 superb goals at the last one and a half min of extra time. The french triumped against Portugal's "operation ugly football" which had claimed 3 victims (Mexico, Holland and England). Henry's "dive" (in inverted brackets coz there was indeed a foul and Henry chose to fall instead of shrugging off the tackle) won France the penalty that Zidane converted into the solitary goal that was the difference between the two sides. Poetic justice. Cruel irony for Portugal- Ronaldo played pretty well and was probably the brightest spark in the whole Portugal team. Italy-France final would be tight as both teams are famed for their strong defense. lol, rooting for Italy, their added edge in defense and finishing should see them defeating France, I hope....

动力火车's "当" playing in the background. For those of you sharp enough, u'd have realise that it is the theme song of 《还珠格格》which showed on channel 8 like 6-7 years ago when i was still in pri sch. The talk of the town at that time would be on whether ziwei (played by 林心如) is chio. lol, memories of the times then seem bittersweet when viewed now from the present through the window of the past. This same bittersweetness was somehow subtly felt at yesterday's farewell.

RJCO farewell
Did everything end there, or is it just a hiatus? Are we closing the chapter with a big bang (锦上添花) or are we writing a redundant epilogue for a story that should have ended long ago (画蛇添足)? We seem to want to define the beginning and end of everything and so the question goes, after farewell, are we suppose to go *click, that's all for CO? hmm... could that then explain the exceptional turnout for farewell?- that they were scared that to do so would cut all their ties with CO. Oh, how the idealistic mind can so plainly deny reality! I would wish that it is true but unfortunately, looking at it realistically, we know that it is not. It is more likely that under the influence of the complex world, some of us define the beginning and end more clearly than others and hence move on faster than others. So, farewell to them would be a redundant epilogue. That said, we are yet not in a position to pass judgement on them cos to do so would require us to pass judgement on the whole world. Perhaps farewells becoming more and more of a redundant epilogue as we grow older is no coincidence- it is a result of more ppl defining the beginning and the end more clearly. This is where the bittersweetness comes in, sweet because of the wonderful times b4, bitter because it would never be again, cos ppl move on at different pace and in different directions. Maturity is perhaps made up accumulation of this bittersweetness and the increasing ability to define the beginning and the end.

Looking the paragraph i wrote above, perhaps kwan is rite, i tire my brains by thinking too much. Adopting a simpler thought process, everyone had so much fun yesterday and that is all that matters. The J1s did a great job organising the whole thing, though i must complain that my piggy bank has a piece of cardboard stuck on it. haha, it looks quite artistic also lar so i shall not be extra.... Okay, next i need to thank everyone in CO for the memories, esp to comm and my section. Then, thank you to all the ppl who bothered making cards and gifts for me, really appreciate them. And finally, the farewell video says to look back with a smile.. I'll try... 让我们红尘作伴，活得潇潇洒洒。策马奔腾，共享人世繁华。对酒当歌，唱出心中喜悦。轰轰烈烈，把握青春年华。... only 策马奔腾 abit hard, the rest are all possible and the last line just brings out the meaning of the whole song...

啊....啊....啊....

当山峰没有棱角的时候，当河水不再流。
当时间停住，日夜不分。
当天地万物 化为虚有。
我还是不能和你分手，不能和你分手。
你的温柔，是我今生最大的守候。

当太阳不再上升的时候，当地球不再转动。
当春夏秋冬 不再变化。
当花草树木 全都凋残。
我还是不能和你分散，不能和你分散。
你的笑容，是我今生最大的眷恋。

让我们红尘作伴，活得潇潇洒洒。
策马奔腾，共享人世繁华。
对酒当歌，唱出心中喜悦。
轰轰烈烈，把握青春年华。

[动力火车-当]

是否曾经后悔过
那时候扶起说走就走
是否偶尔想过我
所以埋怨我
每当听你的下落
逞强常常让人无法负荷

躲起来边哭边说 i miss you
还舍不得把你封锁

星光闪烁如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用悲伤的脉搏写成想念你的歌

该怎么才能让你懂呢
谁对谁错已经模糊了忘记了
我们都处理得有点笨拙
已经从来没有像这一次如此爱过
想念常让我无法负荷

常常只有一个念头 i miss you
我的爱情从来没有死掉过

星光闪烁如何拥有
站在远方才看见星空的轮廓
虽然有时候会寂寞
墙上时钟停格
你说放开手才会快乐
用悲伤的脉搏写成想念你的歌

[张惠春-想念你的歌]

The cruel/cute little ironies in life... Perhaps i was wrong about it being deceptively insignificant....

I have often dreamt
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

I will search the world
I will face its harms
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

[Go the distance- Michael Bolton]

Concealment is an art. Once perfected, it traps its user in the agony of being unable to speak the truth ever again. Not because he does not want to, but who would believe a person telling "the truth" when he had already convinced them that the opposite was infallible. One can laugh it off and say that it's a matter of choice. If one chooses to conceal, then he'll have to live with the consequences. However, the unfortunate truth is that concealment is often a result of circumstances, rather than choices. We all would like to live in a transparent world, but knowledge is power and where power is concerned, self-interests will be affected. It ultimately boils down to the question- Are we ready for the truth? Logic prevails in the absence of morals, can we accept that?

Strangely, while listening to purest of pain by son by four, the lyrics from it's chinese counterpart sung by coco lee reasonated in my head, esp during the chorus. "baby,想对你说声对不起,用错的方式去爱你，因为我太在意"...

RJ band concert yest. Impressive stuff. Japanese composers never fails to thrill audiences with their compositions. The opening piece, Machu Picchu, was magnificiently breath-taking. Joe Hisashi Works was a little disappointing, dynamics range was limited and melody and accompaniment sounded oddly disjointed at some parts. The rearrangement of "tong hua", fairytale, sounded much better this time since thier last concert at the PAC. It is interesting to see that the rearrangement not only brought out the crooning feel of the song in the horn solo, but also added new interpretations in the light-hearted chorus. Given the japanese penchant for the dramatic, the silence-then-timpani-roll-doing-a-crescendo-to-max-volume, hold-max- volume-for-a beat-or-two-b4-breaking-into-the-chorus is almost forgivable, esp when the band manages pulls it off well. Shan't elaborate into the other pieces. All in all, it was impressive concert, even better than the hcco one.

Went back home to catch the opening match of world cup, ger VS costa rico, but in the end ended up watching spirited away on Channel U, where the enchanting soundtrack by joe hishashi got me hooked on. match ended 4-2 in germany's favour but germany fans should be wary of their chances. Leaky defense and a directionless attack. yeah, they scored 4- 2 long shots, 1 rebound from keeper and only 1 from a build up in attack. World cup fever is on now, i'm backing the non-favourites, holland and italy. bleah... have to hit the books too... sianz... common test rite in the middle of world cup, the only consolation is that it'll be over by the quarter-final stages....

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

Baby, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
Living without you, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

[son by four- purest of pain]

It's ironic that how small little things in life can brighten one's day, coz on looking back, one probably placed too much hope in them, extrapolating them to unthinkable outcomes. However, the mind works on petty logic, there is consolation in the fact that for that instant, that second or nanosecond for that matter, hope existed and the unthinkable was possible.....

Is this what eyes were meant to see
The end of hope and all it meant to me
How can I find the strength to carry on another day
Without my pride there's nothing left to say
Is this the way my life was meant to be?

Too late for me to say that I was wrong
Perhaps the weak believe that they are strong
I thought that if I tried I'd find a way to earn their trust
Yet all I'd known and loved has turned to dust
It seems that there was no way I could belong

The fire that burns within your heart
The pain that tears your life apart
The rain that falls from broken skies
The love I lost beneath the lies
And must I face the truth alone?
Is this the end of all I'd known?
The years I gave, the tears I cried
Why dream of love, when love has died?

I know one day the story will be told
And in the end the secrets will be sold
And will they look at me and say I should have known the end
Perhaps I did but why should I pretend?
I only dreamt of love and growing old

The fire that burns within your heart
The pain that tears your life apart
The rain that falls from broken skies
The love I lost beneath the lies
And must I face the truth alone?
Is this the end of all I'd known?
The years I gave, the tears I cried
Why dream of love, when love has died...

[Why dream of love? - Kit Chan]

Taken from the Forbidden City. I was just listening to a random playlist when ITunes suddenly popped up with this song. It reminded of the time when the Lit class under Mrs Koh went for the Forbidden City performance as a Lit outing, and more importantly of how the performance was so touching and impressive that it changed my perception of musicals. hmm.... Forbidden City is showing again this sept, feel like watching again but both prelims and finances are of concern (esp when tickets go at 30 bucks each for restricted view, the lowest price category)

I miss Lit. I miss the times where an entire lesson can just be spedissectingecting a poem or discussing an issue. At least at that time one is allowed to dream and let thoughts wander. Now, we work on absolutes derived from first principles, be it in science, maths or even econs. I just suddenly felt this sense of loss...

Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read last line

owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
kokoro wa mada nuretamama
(Endless rain, embraces me. Night approaches morning.
My heart is not yet soaked.)

In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter

kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshite mada toikaketeru
(I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?)

Am I wrong to be hurt?
Am I wrong to feel pain?
Am I wrong to be in the rain?
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end?
Am I wrong to cry?
But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song
Cause forever fades

kigatsukeba mata hitori yoru no sora o mitsumeteru
sukoshi tzutsukiete yuku our memories
kizutsuk dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshiite mada toikaketeru
(lf I wake up again, I'll gaze at the night sky alone.
Our memories fade away little by little.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?)

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter

owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
kokoro wa mada nuretamama
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshite mada toikaketeru
(Endless rain embraced me.
Night approaches morning, my heart is not yet soaked.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood.
Why am I still asking the question?)

[The Last Song- X-japan]

Translations of the jap parts are in brackets, i didn't translate it so dun blame me if it's not accurate. It is amazing how X-Japan captures certain emotions and feelings that we normally can't define or pinpoint with exact words. "The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?" shows the state of constant denial of reality. By rejecting the truth/reality, we have chosen to believe in an alternative delusion that is most probably less painful. "Trying to hide the tears. But it was just a cirle that never ends." shows how this delusion might just plunge us into this cycle that sucks the life out of us. With reality's constant reminders, the upkeep of this delusion would be more delusions and one would have to come up with more and more reasons to convince himslef that reality is false. Such an upkeep is likely to be taxing and the song offers reason for it in "Am i wrong to be hurt? Am I wrong to feel pain? Am I wrong to be in the rain? Am I wrong to wish the night won't end? Am I wrong to cry?" The above names the negative effects that reality is likely to bring. So, should we go ahead and delude ourselves then? No,"But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song. Cause forever fades" shows why. Reality may be painful but it is not absolute certainty as shown from the phrase "forever fades". It can also be infered that pain, no matter how painful, will fade. Hence, the resolution.. "I see red. I see blue. But the silver lining gradually takes over. When the morning begins, I'll be in the next chapter" Sadness, anger, fruastration... If we can endure them, hope will become apparent to us. The reality that was so painful would be a thing of the past and with luck, reality might be moulded to our whims and fancy. Reality and delusion. There is a delicate equilibrium of how much of each to believe in, but in any case, it is not wise to leave out any one of them. In response to vin's quote of "Hope is the greatest liar", perhaps it ain't that crucial to know the truth. Anw, if hope is the greatest liar, than one is in no danger of the pain that comes with knowing the truth. (I'm talking as though the truth/reality is always soemthing negative, but isn't it true that for many of us, where the truth/reality matters, it is often negative.)
我真的累了....

On thurs, was loitering in sch after lessons to while away time coz i didn't feel like rushing home and rushing out again for chamber concert. At around mid-afternoon, a thunderstorm broke out. The rain was so heavy that more than half the amphi was flooded with water. While many other ppl in the sch were cursing away at the bad weather, i was silently pleased at the way the rain made the school seemed less cold and unfeeling. The rain swiped off the arrogance and superiority, and taught humility and respect in the face of nature.

Ge Zhuang concert

whoops... missed this out in the previous post. yeah.. it was held on fri night at LT2. The styles of their songs were largely the same (marcus commented that the chords were like similar throughout), i'm fine with that but it would be better if they had more variations. There were a few impressive performances though, most notably by one of the alumni, who played the piano and sang at the same time. The play in the second half was downright cliched. Pardon the sacarsm, but ain't all love stories the same? (hmm.... well on hindsight, i can think of a few that aren't the same) There were a few loopholes here and there but i shall not dwell on them. The "moral" of the story or at least my interpretation of it is that the person tht is left behind suffers more than the person who leaves. 离开虽然痛，但至少是一种解脱... 留下的却得一辈子背着这个包袱... lol, the thought actually came after watching the last episode of a U channel show (can't remember the name, but i think it was shown on sun and it has damn nice chinese music in the background) and watching the play reminded me of that. ha, at the end of the concert, me and vin were like commenting on the no. of sad songs they have and why certain ppl shouldn't be watching....lol

The world is getting quite sad.... It seems easier to pretend and lie than to say the truth... ( i sound gp-ish- "should the truth be told at all cost?", but well i guess tht's good for the CTs tmr eh)

bg music is changed to love story, played by tkwo. Harmoc played it for their concert. The sax solo at the start is extremely....how to put it?... sensual?.. ha, tht's why i was complaining at the concert that the feel wasn't there...lol

Bball finals

Went down to Toa Payoa Sports hall after gp on fri to watch/support the girls' bball finals. The atmosphere there was electrifying. The whole hall was filled with tension and excitement and the crowd was doing its job with relentless cheering. RJ was up against VJ and i heard that we were the underdogs. The match was very evenly matched, with the points difference kept within 6 for the first 3 quarters (most of the time it was kept within 4) The VJ team was technically superior to the RJ team but i felt that they lacked the desire to win, or at least they had lesser desire to win than the RJ team. The difference really shows in the defence. The RJ players defended as if their lives depended on it and VJ was limited to 3-pointers and field goals (there were very little drives to the basket and the conversion percentage of the fast breaks was quite low). In the end, RJ won 57-47, scoreline was a little flattering coz the VJ team opened up at the back during the last few minutes trying to chase back the 4-point deficit. Wanted to stay on to watch the guy's match btw HC and AJ, but had to go back to sch for bridge. It has been a long time since i last watched a competitive bball match and it reminded me not of victory, but of the feeling of flying. 似乎有一种冲动，想找回那种...飞的感觉...

Daji Outing

Yay! With the comm outing as precedent, the perc section followed in its footsteps and had our first outing on sat too. The meeting place was at Bugis MRT at 6pm. I boarded the train and expected to reach at 6.05pm, thinking that with luck, i might be the first one there. Strangely, it was the two guys(me and bl) that were the lastest to arrive. I tot tht girls are always "naturally late". lol, afterwhich we went on this long hike to get to the steamboat shop barbara and michelle had been to b4. There was not enough space and we had to move to another shop nearby instead. Dinner was fun with 4 cameras around the table. bl attempted one of the many things listed in kwan's guide to stupid stuff ( ie. Cover ur face with ur bag when someone tries to take a photo of u) while i was resigned to my fate of having candid pics taken while eating. Gillian shocked us with her voracious appetite for beef, finishing one plate by herself and then went to get another plate. We finished around 13 plates of food too, though this time we had twice the no. of ppl compared to tht time at seoul garden. After the meal, we went on another long hike (for digestion purposes) to get to esplanade to take pictures. At esplanade, mingjie unfortunately conducted an experiment to find out the depth of the small pool at the entrance. Tht aside, we managed to get a few good pics in esplanade and on esplanade bridge (esp the one on the bridge) b4 realising that it was close to 10 and the NYBH ppl had to go back to their hostel. Was a really enjoyable outing and as SL, i must say tht i had fun throughout the year working with u all and even if i'm given the chance to choose again, i'll be with u all as a section. Percussion unite!

不做考虑也没半点犹豫
我就说了这一句我等你
你眼中闪过了一些压抑
更多的是怀疑
所以你可以离去

不相信你还会回心转意
是我任性才决定要等你
我眼中的泪没掉过一滴
只是随你背影
慢慢倒流进心里（底）

我等你
半年为期
逾期就狠狠把你忘记
不只是伤心的还包括一切甜蜜 (你应该已经和他公开在一起)

要等你
要证明自己我可以纵容你在心里
也可以当你只是路过的人而已

[光良- 我等你]

只怕自己不够狠心.....

Comm outing
Yay.. The CO comm finally had their first outing yest..... after the handover.. lol.. Went down to Seoul Garden at Taka where zj and kwan treated the rest of us... Thanks a lot! Entertainment during lunch was provided mainly by kwan and her camera phobic-ness. While trying to prevent stupid pics of her to be taken, little did she realise that taking a pic with a bag in front of ur face ain't exactly clever too... Yixuan, on the other hand, was being the perfect gentleman, peeling prawns for the girls. zj, marcus, weixiong and me couldn't care as much and were busily gobbling up food in front of us. Our table finished a grand total of 13 plates of food, far more than the other 2 tables, i dare say... After the meal, took a few group photos b4 heading down to heeren to take neoprints. Old habits die hard, we almost got into a comm meeting oustide the shop to discuss and decide which machine to use.. lol, when we finally reached a decision, we had to squeeze 13 ppl into the machine. Tht's the easy part... the hard part is to fit 13 ppl's faces onto the neoprint. bleah.. but we did it in the end...though some of them didn't really turn out too good. When we left the machine, the temp was considerably higher. lol, we are hot... Shuyu and Khoo were given the job of designing the prints and weixiong got sabo-ed in nearly all of them. Finally, each of us took a print back and the outing ended after that. Comm rocks!

音，心 - 意
tone, heart - the one art

It's over. The last note of the concert was drown out by the thunderous applause, marking the end to 6 years worth of CO. The feeling was excruciating, but the euphoria due to the concert provided a soothing effect. The performance, though not perfect, was a fitting tribute to RJCO. On may 7th 2006, within Singapore's finest symbol for the performing arts- the esplanade, RJCO celebrated music, passion and friendship.

Memorable events(in chronological order)

1. Buying mineral water at 40 cents per bottle
2. Drawing out the master dressing room key which will cost $75 to replace if lost
3. Screw up in the labels for the dressing rooms
4. khoo + kwan + trolley(with packed food) + lift = comedy in the making
5. realisng that the caterer was revada and cost $3 per pack
6. percussion being told to tone down by lao zhou
7. Telling ppl they have 45 mins to shower, change up, have dinner and make-up
8. Posing as an orchestra for the photo shoot
9. Putting glitter on the hair for qin wang
10. Playing the first note of qin wang
11. Carrying spongebob up on stage.. (the esplande stage ppl were saying stuff like, "u ppl are from jc rite?" and "spongebob is so.....gay")
12. Photo-taking in the green room with the daji section
13. Trying to take a combined photo with the rg ppl. The timer of the cam was counting down as we hear the last few notes of zhan ma, ran off immediately after the pic was taken.
14. Playing the last note of the concert
15. Playing the encore piece (according to a few sources, it was quite cute and we pulled it off quite nicely)
16. Training for shuttle run as i ran around 3 levels chasing ppl out of dressing rooms and locking the rooms.
17. Reaching sch at 11pm and started to move the instruments back to the CO room at tht time.
18. Was 15 mins away from being the earliest in sch on mon

Some stuff to add on, playing with my section, okay not just my section, with the guest players and the whole orchestra was a wonderful experience. The acoustics of esplanade enhanced it further. Thanks to all the people who sent me messages b4 and after the performance, really appreciated them.

For this concert, I was more involved in the preparations more than any other concert i was in b4, partly due to the nature of the logistics post i got in concert comm. It started like 3 weeks b4 the concert, after i sat in a meeting btw esplanade staff, lao zhou and zj. From tht day onwards, there seem to be endless stuff to worry about and u wake up everyday having some problem that needs to be solved by the end of the day. Thankfully, the j2 comm showed character and resilence and ploughed through with no one shirking their responsibilities. It was kind of satisfying watching the events on concert day unfold despite the occasional hiccups. Knowing the effort put into making each and every part of the concert good allows a better appreciation of it.

Handover

Handover was rather light-hearted. Many of the j2s went out to J8 the day b4 to shop for present for the j1s. lol, i admit that i bought the turtle aka cute riceball/sushi on impulse and only thought about its significance after buying it.

handover started with zj giving his "final speech", in which he mentioned that RJCO to most of us is not just a CCA. It is instead defined by the beautiful music, beautiful friendships and the sense of belonging and connection that any orchestras/CCAs outside cannot provide. RJCO has gone beyond just a physical name for an organisation, it has become a spirit that is infused in our hearts. The current RJCO may cease to exist physically, but all of us are spiritually connected by the experience. This connection may wane and grow thin, but it would never break, for there is always hope that one day we would all come together again and relive that spiritual connection. It may not happen, but there will always be hope.

To the j1s:
Treasure your time in CO, there's only one year left for you to do whatever you want. After that, you'll have to put down your instruments and leave, just like what the j2s are doing now. Most of us dun even know when is the next time we will pick up our instruments and play again. Dun back down from challenges with the excuse that you cannot cope, cos u'll never know until u try. Anyway, it's jc already, if u are not going to try, there will be no chance left in the future. So, go forth and create your own memories.

To the new comm (if any one of you all would be reading this):
Just like to share my experience that allowed me to realise what defines the comm. Just a few days b4 the concert, me, zj, kwan and zihan were locked in a heated debate over make-up after night prac. I took a rather uncompromising stand on it coz i was rather fed up as the issue was dragged for weeks. As a result, the discussion went nowhere(obviously) and i left rather abruptly. As i walked out of the CO room, one question hit me: "What is the purpose of a comm?" As i arrived at an answer, i immedialtely sent out sms-s to apologise. My answer? The comm is formed to solve problems, not to add problems. If at any one point in time u find urself adding problems rather than solving them, u might want to question ur very existence as a comm member. My analogy of a comm is something very simple- a candle. U burn and give light, not to draw attention to yourself, but to illuminate others around you so that they can be seen...

To the j2s:
Very simply put, thank you. I dun know what else can i say.

It feels like an amputation.... a sinking sense of loss... But what's coming across is not sadness, rather it's a sense of victory.... akin to a soldier returning from the battlefield after winning a war......

Judging by the record no. of hits i'm getting, i think a lot of ppl are waiting for me to post about concert and handover. Rest assured tht i would be blogging on the above 2 topics but i am currently trying to organise my messy thoughts and string them coherently, so it may take some time...

21 hours.... The inevitable arrives. Embrace it with courage, with passion and with faith. Let there be no fear. Let there be music. It's showtime.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

[Affirmation - Savage Garden]

this song never fails to cheer me up on a bad day... lol

7 days left.... been really busy for the past 2 weeks, going home at unearthly hours, but yeah... i have no complains... Been too busy to think, but sometimes when the thoughts catch up, they occur with such a great intensity that you'd never believe that they weren't obvious b4....

1/2166
deceptively insignificant...

The final lap.... last chance.... last memories.... leave no stone unturned.... Make it something worth remembering....

Feel the fire. Feel the passion. Feel the music.

19 days... Feeling the heat, and yet relishing the burning sensation....

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的

让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都累了
却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑
怎么说怎么说都没有救

亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远
终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

[记得- 张惠妹]

It's 23 days to concert. Tht's 3 weeks and 2 days. That means 26 more days in RJCO as zj aptly pointed out yest. I need to focus and to start believing....

My next week's schedule is screwed. night prac on mon, esplanade meeting on tues, night prac on wed, sectionals on thurs, bridge on fri.... my average reaching home time would be 9pm i think....

On a lighter note, the stables in pasir ris park are open! yes, stables that hold horses. The large horses are beautiful and the smaller ones are so cute... Will take some pics next time i pass by there and put them up here....

想笑,来伪装掉下的眼泪
想哭,来试探自己麻痹了没....

Soliloquy

You need to let go of the past so that you can have a future. (quoted from ice age 2)
I'm inclined to disagree but yeah... i do see the point.
One cannot lose something that he/she does not possess
True, but it never did register within me.
What if history repeats itself?
That is what life is all about, the uncertainty.

Confused. More than ever.

The problem with blogging is tht the more you blog, the more you self-censor unconsciously. This happens esp when u become aware of who might actually visit your blog.....

April fools day today, somehow it reminds me of jx's chinese essay in the sec sch days. Titled, "还以为", it was published in 鹰的天空13 （RI peeps can go check it out). The story was on this girl who decided to confess her love over the phone to the guy she likes on April fools day(The guy likes her too). Unfortunately, she mistook the stunned silence of the guy over the phone to be one of rejection. So, she twisted it into an April fools day joke that left both parties hurt and disappointed. My point in bringing this story up? It is to highlight the fact that we tend to assume too much, not just in love, but in life generally. Extrapolating results can be inaccurate as your initial point may be near a turning point and..... the relationship may not be linear.

Interclub bridge league first game today. Played against NTU(2). Not the best of performance, mistakes here and there but opponents made more mistakes than us, so we still won rather convincingly, by a score of 23-7 on VPs. lol.

这一次 是我自己为自己下的决定
很小心 你说慢慢来别怕来不及
如果我 还有一点点不安或者迟疑
我不会 对你的反应那么好奇

落叶啊 其实也很不愿意 其实也不想回忆 谁没等到错过了流星
我们啊 交集在这意外的假期 一定那里见过你 一定曾经梦见你

Fly Away 无穷无尽是你深邃的眼睛
看着你 就可以让我茫茫人海里感到安定
Fly Away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
有一个人 有一颗心 早已经默默之中在那里

这一次 问我自己都说我豪不怀疑
爱上你 终于我发现我还有勇气
唯一我 觉得遗憾的是我不够仔细
不了解 你说那一些话的用意

几乎是 所有时间在想你 快乐之后是压抑 有没有过这样的呼吸
幸福啊 只要一个眼神的交集 我们拥抱着刺激 我们渴望着相遇

Fly Away 无穷无尽是你深邃的眼睛
看着你 就可以让我茫茫人海里感到安定
Fly Away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
有一个人 有一颗心 早已经默默之中在那里

Fly Away 无穷无尽是你深邃的眼睛
看着你 就可以让我茫茫人海里感到安定
Fly Away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
有一个人 有一颗心 早已经默默之中在那里

Fly Away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
是你的人 是你的心 日日夜夜陪我在这里

[ Fly Away - 梁静茹 ]

Splitting headache on the bus back home, think I'm too tired out physically (thanks to PE) and mentally, and it's only the second week of term 2....

Watched V for vendetta yest... crazy plan after chem S, actually wanted to watch on fri but realised the movie was closing on wed. Anw, it was stunningly awesome, those kind of movies tht just blows u off ur feet. The movie was like this huge metaphor and it does not explicitly state any meaning, leaving it up to one's interpretation, which was what i liked. ha.. reached home at 10+ after the movie and guess what, i reached home at 10+ todae too due to CO night prac. lol, no time to change bg song, so just continue listening... It's actually not a "mourning" song u would realise if u took time to sit and listen, more of hope?...

CT 1 is over... The bg music u hear now is to mourn for the loss of the march hols and our poor showing at the CT. lol, no lar... It's from the soundtrack of titanic, a song called "Hymn to the Sea". I like the flute and bagpipes part, they blend so well together, fading in and out so naturally to bring out the feel of the melody...

After chem on thurs, went down to marche at heeren with the 2B ppl, 9 of us in total.. ha, long time since we had so many ppl.. lol, basically made a lot of noise and someone wanted to burn marche down for reasons too sensitive to quote. After dinner, we walked down to taka's macs for 'deserts'. Strange ppl we are, after spending so much on food, we are like grabbing 1 dollar coke and ice cream cones. talked some more at mac b4 leaving close to 9 coz the ppl from other jcs have sch the next day. lol.

On fri, went for 6A class outing at Jurong East. Somehow or rather, though i need to travel the furthest distance to get there, i was amongst the few tht were punctual or on time. lol. Okae... so we went ice-skating first, which was quite fun once u get the hang of it. ha, but i took bout an hour to.... Next, we went k-box from 2-7pm. Duly entertained by the clowns in the class as usual... lol, but it was still an enjoyable experience lar. Then, we went for dinner at the food court b4 I started on my journey across the island again.

Todae, had CO in the morning, and NUS brigde open in the afternoon. It was nice to have CO prac again, but i'm losing my touch already.. sighz.. need to train up again... Went for lunch at S11 b4 going down to Clementi to meet the rest of the team going for the tourney. Playing pairs MPs with so many ppl was an interesting experience, me and xl ended up above average, 32th out of 66 pairs, which was a reasonably good score considering tht adult pairs were playing too and we were the 2nd highest rj pair already. lol, we were above steve robinson (a pro angmoh) and his partner at half-time by around 10 places and he leapfrog-ed us at the end to 9th position. tht's so pro lar...

Term 2's starting officially soon, in like a day. Tht means the countdown timer's ticking will get louder and louder by the day. It would be CO intensive for the 6 weeks to come and i would urge all CO members reading to really put everything u have into the upcoming concert. How much u invest will determine how much u take away. The people, the music. The two most important factors of CO. Make sure u keep in touch with both. ppl often forget the music part though, they forget tht as part of a CO, they are servants of music like all other musicians, and hence have a part in promoting and showcasing the music tht they uphold (in this case, Chinese Classical). So reach deep insde and find tht motivation. Feel the passion flowing through the blood. Burning oneself to light up others and through this noble spirit of sacrifice, find ur happiness defined in your own terms..


Fly away, 无穷无尽是你深邃的眼睛, 看着你, 就可以让我茫茫人海里感到安定...
woot.. wat a nice song... will put it up when i feel tht the "mourning" is enough? lol

Am I caring too much?... or too little? I seriously dun knoe....

Campus Superstar results left a revolting feeling in my stomach, it grossly reminded me of market failure which was in econs case study. CTs are revolting too. Spotted the correct topic for econs essay, but made a concept error halfway and had to rewrite part(b). Maths seemed to be a killer, but realised that it was all so simple after the paper. Mediocrity sucks, u have to be outstanding, whether in positive or negative sense doesn't matter, else u will be marginalised...

CO camp ended last night at about 9.30pm, reached home about 11pm... Unpacked a little, went online and soon become too tired to hold out any longer. Slept at 12 mn and woke up todae at 11am, ate breakfast, decided I was too tired to go NUS or anywhere and went back to sleep again, this time, waking only at 2+pm. Wah... More than 12 hours (half of todae) was spent sleeping...

Rewind to wed. Had GP common test on tht day. The sch decided to still have lessons in the morning, which means tht most of us were quite sleepy when we went in for the paper. When it finally ended at 5pm, think most ppl were relieved tht it's all over despite it being a killer paper. Went out with CO ppl after the paper to apparently buy camp stuff, but after walking around J8 and some enquiry, realised tht the items we were looking for (taplights as we call them) were extremely rare, only the DIY shop managed to produce a specimen and it was the only one left. So, as it was kwan's birthday and camp was in 2 days, we decided to convert it into a outing + comm meeting. Went to food court for dinner, b4 heading to Haagen-Dazs to treat the birthday girl to ice-cream. We sat there for quite long, chatting and discussing camp details. It seems to me that CO ppl have a unique sense of humour, every time we get together, there seems to be an endless supply of jokes that only we can understand. After a while, we decided that we have been occupying the seats for too long and shifted the discussion to the playground. Ended at about 9 and i reached home at 10+...

Thurs was IHC closing ceremony, Buckle-Buckley won the championship. Finally, after a 5 years wait. The closest we ever got was in sec 1 when we got 2nd. It was quite cool seeing buckley flags and a banner declaring us champions lining the glass panels above the assembly area, gives a kind of Hogwarts feel, where the champion house colours are flown at the year-end feast. Sch hours were routine, went out with the class for lunch at Pasta b4 returning to sch to work on clue-setting for the camp, physics S and band concert. Physics S was eventually cancelled last minute, leaving many students shaking their fists at a piece of paper outside the LT. Band concert was okay, just tht i felt that they were unprepeared for the concert. The PAC acoustics obviously did not help them. I was quite impressed with the clarinets playing the violin accompaniment part for E.T. though. They played tong hua (fairytale) as well, one of the few pieces that night tht the band played with full conviction. The percussion item was a cool concept that worked quite well, cept tht boon's playing jammed in the middle of his solo. Concert ended at 9.30, reached home bout 11...

Fri, the start of the much awaited camp. Ended sch at 1, went to catch some sleep at the lib b4 going out for lunch. Came back to sch for bridge and left at around 5 for the camp. Started preparing for station games while the rest of the CO watched Drumline in the LT. Watched tht movie twice already, and the most memorable quote for me is not "one band, one sound", rather it was the conductor words to his perc SL, "I said u will have no problem leading ur section, coz u love the sound of ur section much more than the sound of ur own drum, but i'm not so sure about that now" Important lesson there...

After the movie was dinner and afer tht night trail started, basically a cross-breed btw treasure hunt and station games. Some of the clues were simply classic, i'll put a few here as samples.

Clue: When are u an economist and an artist at the same time?
Answer: ATM machine (u draw money)
Clue: (Physchological help) [to get on a vehicle]
Answer: Council Board
Clue: Drum! Tone! Monochrome!
Answer: Photocopy shop as the photocopy machine contains a drum, has tone and prints monochrome...

Night trail was basically a sucess, thanks to the enthu participation of the members. I was manning the web game and it was great fun and bonding to see the members helping and supporting each other as they try to carry ppl across the highest hole in the web to earn the extra bonus. The whole thing ended at about 10.30pm, then it was shower time and we chatted and played cards in the 6th floor classrooms till 2am b4 the teachers came to force us to sleep.

Woke up the next day at about 6am, nothing to do and so i went to walk around the sch. The sch seems so much more nicer when it's quiet. Walked all the way to the 7th floor of block E to witness first light. ha, think it would the only time i would be in sch at such early hours. The first event on sat was captain's ball. The comm formed a team to play against the rest as well and we whooped them all, cept for against 1 team where we were actually 1 down b4 weixiong passed me 2 balls from half court in the last min of play. Next was breakfast and sectionals followed. The RG ppl and 1 RI guy came down to prac with us. Percussion item for the concert is churning out quite smoothly i think, cept for the memorising of scores part. Lunch was next and we had section items in the afternoon. A good mix of programmes were performed i must say, though special mention must go to xianyue's "SHE and the carebears" A highly entertaining piece but would be given R21 rating due to its "artistic" value. huiling^2 performace as Dr Evil and "minikwan" seems to tie in with their personalities perfectly, though i never knew mini-me hopped around, so i guess it's an attempt to emphasize on her height or the lack of it. jj, kb and xiaole's performace as SHE might have given the real trio a run for their money but at the same time, it also gave the real SHE fans a real big nightmare. The storyline was ridiculous but the script was so corny tht nobody cared. lol.

The final event of the camp was night dazu the was supposed to be held at the tracks, but due to rain, it was shifted indoors instead. For the 1st hour, i was napping away as there was nothing much to play. Then, when 8pm came, we gave out the light sticks and switched off the lights. The light sticks were not bright enough for us to see the scores so we tied it to our instruments and made accessories out of them instead. Then we tried playing yin yue hui xu qu. I tied light sticks to my mallets and they look so cool when i use them to play... The atmosphere was also very nice and relaxing, a totally cool experience. The teachers were rather amused when they came around and saw what we were doing. With tht, we ended camp on a high note and i must say tht i will cherish the memories gained. For the RI ppl, we have been wanting to organise a camp since sec3, and finally we did 1 in J2. Not an amazing feat, but a memorable experience. Thanks to everyone who made the camp possible.

Wat a long entry... hmm... holidays are here, CTs are in a weeks time.. Time to mug!.. Guang Liang's new album is out, but here's an old song of his...

当你看着我
我没有开口
已被你猜透

还是没把握
还是没有符合
你的要求

是我自己想得太多
还是你也在闪躲
如果真的选择是我
我鼓起勇气去接受
不知不觉让视线开始闪烁

喔 第一次我
说爱你的时候
呼吸难过
心不停地颤抖

喔 第一次我
牵起你的双手
失去方向
不知该往那儿走
那是一起相爱的理由(对我) 那是一起厮守

喔 第一次吻
你深深的酒涡
想要清醒却冲昏了头

喔 第一次你
躺在我的胸口
二十四小时没有分开过
那是第一次知道 天长地久

感觉你属于我
感觉你的眼眸
第一次就决定
决不会错

[光良- 第一次]