When you don't flinch when you learn that you have to take over 3 guard duties for the rest of the month, plus you are rotating COS with 3 other newbies which you have to guide everyday and plus you are the first-name-come-to-mind ppl to arrow in the office, you know you are truly at the top of your game. But, When you are at the top of your game, you don't feel unsettled. I'm unsettled, and I'm pretty puzzled by it. And if you know the me I am now, you'll know that I 'll have formulated a logical and systematic analysis of the situation complete with all the possible courses of action and sieved out the one that appeal to me the most. So what's unsettling i think, is the ultimate lack of purpose, however perverted the purpose may be. Just as I watch Operation FBB(codename) from the sidelines and I wonder to myself what could possibly drive normal rational people to such insane, illogical state where senseless stuff are dished out in an almost routine-like manner, I see an inexorable sense of purpose develop in both the victims and the power figures. The victims, understandably, develop this sense of purpose out of survival to try to overcome the avalanche of adversity. The power figures on the other hand, are the tricky ones, because their sense of purpose comes from this fuzzy moral high ground they claim they are on, which was why i annotated sense of purpose with a "however perverted it may be". It's a slippery slope, the argument of needing evil as great to bring out good even greater. It's the sacred word "sacrifice" that justifies their conscience - the thinking that inflicting "false evil" would "stimulate" the growth of good and that they are indeed being "selfless and compassionate" when they commit acts that they would normally condemn. I have diverted from the main topic but i'll just continue. However, we are all human. Who are we to deliberately inflict pain and fear to another human being in the name of good. I mean, I can understand it when law is used to punished a criminal. A human being committed an act that was contrary to what is deemed as good moral by the general public, we inflict pain and fear to make him learn. But when a human being does no such thing, who are we to say that a simulated environment of pain and fear would be beneficial to him because he would learn to toughen and steel himself. The conscience that would readily reject such fallacious argument is being seduced by the "sacrifice logic" and egged on by authoritative stamp of the organisation. To think that the exact same ppl who would find such an argument laughable a few years ago can now thoroughly convince themselves to believe in it. It's scary. We humans have a weakness for greatness - we all want to be great, to be like the hero in the movie, the sacrificer who readily gives himself up to save others and then bask in eternal glory. This want, desire, hunger, is not by nature bad. It is, actually, the inspiration for progress, the creator of many brave and wonderful souls out there doing miraculous stuff. But before we set off to do something great, let us not use our heart to think. Let the brain do its job.
Okay.. back to my lack of purpose. Sorry, got carried away in the above para. So my course of action, find purpose. Yah, so I've found my purpose - to analyse and break down whatever probs i have with the organisation just like in above and in doing so, finding the peace that I need so much.
hmm... i grudgingly admit that there are some nice songs in English pop... haha... but country rock classics are still the best! wait for my next installment...
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.
“The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed” [Definitely, Maybe]It's stuff like this that keeps me going...