忽然不想让你知道
在我心中你多重要
既然你要自由
你就得到
让你永远都记得我好

忽然不想让你知道
你的爱我已经戒不掉
就让思念淹没
我不想逃
反正你将永远不知道

今夜星光多美好
适合用寂寞去凭吊
我们曾用爱互相依靠
付出多少不用计较
想一个人多美好
就算只剩记忆可参考
被爱放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道

直到有天你我年老
回忆随着白发风中闪耀
至少我清清楚楚知道
你若想起我会微笑

[周惠 - 不想让你知道]

stagnating...................................

In class 4 driving now... pretty interesting experience, but gets a little stiffling after a while cos all you do is practical diving and theory lessons. Anw, tht's besides the point. My theory instructor there was a prison warden b4 and he was telling us how things were like in prison. One particular episode struck me and got me thinking. He was describing about this guy whose sole job inside is to pull the lever when they hang those who are on the death sentence. Yup... a job as simple as pulling the lever gets u like 2+k per month. However, the guy's always drunk even when doing the job. Nobody minded cos yah... no one wanted to take over his job... And then, he described the time when he had to pull the lever and how tht act caused him to be sleepless for a month... Cos nobody's a criminal on the death row, even the most hardened criminals are repentant... So it seems as though the punishment was on those living (the family, the person who pulls the lever) rather than the assumed criminal. But still.... , I am for the death sentence punishment...
Fast forward to in bunk. A fellow sergeant and I were talking bout war and its moral, ethics. Then he got to a point where he asked if an air strike is valued more than a person's life. My answer was pretty straightforward. Like duh, if you do not want to think bout the monetary value of an airstrike then at least think of its strategic value if deployed at another location instead of using it to save ONE life. But you know what, if I was there fighting, I WOULD call for an airstrike. And more laughably, if I was in HQ receiving the request for the airstrike, I WOULD approve it also.
It is a sin to be idealistic. The world has absolutely no tolerance for a perfect fantasy world. This world's pretty crazy, and i think that's how it works...

I know i should give up trying, every single thing points towards one logical and reasonable resoulution, but as usual...... my heart's in all the wrong places.....

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
Youre caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you cant face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when its over youll breathe again
Youll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone
[Crash and Burn - Savage Garden]

女:慢慢把车窗摇下 你在转角处等他
难过像打翻的茶 昏开一整片对你的牵挂

男:这场爱不会开花 我清楚却割舍不下
明知你爱的是他 却还是学不会摆脱这挣扎

女:想听的话你说给了她 我的快乐从此蒸发
如果痛是爱的代价 那伤心像沙怎么画

男:想听的话得不到回答 我却还在独自装傻
雨打湿我的脸颊 好让你看不见 我眼角的变化

男:这场爱不会开花 我清楚却割舍不下
明知你爱的是他 却还是学不会摆脱这挣扎

女:想听的话你说给了他 我的快乐从此蒸发
如果痛是爱的代价 那伤心像沙怎么画

男:想听的话得不到回答 我却还在独自装傻
雨打湿我的脸颊 好让你看不见 我眼角的变化

男:这场爱不会开花 我清楚却割舍不下
明知你爱的是他 你的笑始终 舍不得擦

The song needed a stronger guy voice, else it's quite nice....



"明天一个人的我依然会微笑
虽然它或许也是伤心的开始
爱情的轮回总是一次又一次
是悲是喜终将都变成往事

明天一个人的我依然会微笑
那怕早已没有人记得我名字
别问我为何执迷不悟的尝试"

The original sound quality sucked so yah...

I find myself strangely preoccupied with insignificant matters....

Like in Outsiders, wondering whether Cherry Valence took a liking to Ponyboy is off tangent like totally.... Ultimately, I could write a million things in this supposedly blank space here but it still cannot cover the fact that I am indeed just trying to fill this emptiness in me. So yah, for now I just want to stand in this emptiness and let it consume me, for it is already beyond words, beyond actions....

Pls let me hit bottom.... I can't stand the feeling of falling....

It's getting harder to lie nowadays. Why? Cos everyone's lying, and so ur every word would be scrutinised and treated with skepticism. If everyone told the truth, then perhaps liars would have an eaiser time. Oh well, my point is, if you wanna lie nowadays, u better make sure u are gonna follow through till the end. Pls dun have a situation where it's painfully obvious that you're lying and yet you're feigning ignorance and expecting everyone to play along with you. Have the guts to own up or else dun take the gamble to lie in the first place. I swear the next person who crosses me and expects me to follow in step with his/her self-deluded lies is gonna see me snap for the first time in a very, very long time.

On a lighter note, a fantastic mash-up by norwegian recycling...



And in the background, a delightful song by jason mraz.. Had it on repeat on my player for 2 hrs and i still can't get enough of it... : )

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
i love peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

[Jason Mraz - I'm yours]

hmm... oh well, i won't mind if someone did try. I wonder how i'll be when i snap. haiz... I officially DIS-courage ppl from reading Fight Club now.
"What Tyler says about being the crap abnd the slaves of history, that's how I felt. I wanted to destroy everything beautiful I'd never have. Burn the Amazon rain forests. Pump chlorofluorocarbons straight up to gobble the ozone. Open the dump valves on supertankers and uncap offshore wells. I wanted to kill all the fish I couldn't afford to eat, and smother the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted the whole world to hit bottom. I really wanted to put a bullet between the eyes of every endangered panda that wouldn't screw to save its species and every whale or dolphin that gave up and ran itself aground"
Dark.... sinister.... and yet... attractive..... And now you see how terrorism come about....

And yup.. pls dun assume what I imply cos your assumption may(rather 99% of the times) not be my intention. The perils of reading others like an open book and yet, others read you like an encrypted algorithm.....