freedom

And I let go. Complete, total, surrender.

Losing all hope was freedom.

It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.

2010 and what it meant

On describing a year, one usually starts by describing events, turning points and highlights.

But for me, 2010 was simply just... - enlightening.

It saw me trying to pit my ideals against the world and guess what? - I lost.

I realized that:

1) Believing the best in people makes you vulnerable to exploitation

2) People don't want to see other people happy. They want others to be sad so that comparatively, they're happier. Only crazy people can act out of altruism.

3) No one is perfect. The people you think are perfect are just people who haven't had their stories told yet. I quote from chuck palaniuk - that stories that we tell about ourselves usually glorify our pain and suffering, but then it's the dirty little secrets that define us, stories that we can't tell.

I found:

1) Amazing friends and people - not perfect, but pretty much extraordinary.

2) A new perspective - I don't need a perfect world, I just need people who believes in it.

3) An answer - that certain things happen because they are meant to be in our lives, there is no reason nor rhyme, no root cause no crux. It just.... is.

I hope for:

1) Peace now that I have an answer.

2) More hope and belief in what is good, less of adam smith's invisible hand

3) To be truly happy

Wishing everyone a happy CNY and see you all in the year of the Rabbit!

so close to breaking point

tired of it all...

I forgot the last time I was truly happy about/for something.

Perhaps Adam Smith is right, exert your demand on the market and let the invisible hand work its magic - that is the moral, the law that will lead to the greatest good to the greatest number including yourself.

GNP

Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered community excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things. Our gross national product ... if we should judge America by that - counts air pollution and cigarette advertising, and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage. It counts special locks for our doors and the jails for those who break them. It counts the destruction of our redwoods and the loss of our natural wonder in chaotic sprawl. It counts napalm and the cost of a nuclear warhead, and armored cars for police who fight riots in our streets. It counts Whitman's rifle and Speck's knife, and the television programs which glorify violence in order to sell toys to our children.

"Yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages; the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning; neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country; it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile. And it tells us everything about America except why we are proud that we are Americans."

R.F. Kennedy

As much as this kind of speeches move us, inspire within us a burning passion, it seems as though we are always ready to go back to our old ways after a night's sleep...