Nothing seems to be going right nowadays, be it small or big things.... But well, i'm way beyond caring already...

或许只有绝望的人， 才会相信奇迹的存在....



天上一万颗星星我却只看见你
你说这是幸运 还是不可思议

很多时候我因为怕受伤，所以就选择先放弃。
我更因为我太爱自由，所以明明渴望爱情，却依然不知怎样让别人进入我的世界。

难道，我不能给你百分百的信心吗？
你知道，我一直有多在乎你。

我珍惜这份安全感，却担心他的牺牲。
所以每天的感觉还是孤独的。
我还是需要一个人，一个人想一想。

冰箱结霜 咖啡滚烫 煮不好 最简单的早餐......
我的生活 是一团混乱 维持单身 感觉茫然......
喜不喜欢 习不习惯 我总是 说不出个答案......
一个人来 又一个人往 怎么让他 流连忘返......

我不想当笨蛋 我在墙上写满渴望......
我可以大哭一场 房间还是空空荡荡......
我绝对不逞强 该属于我任其自然......
可是我也要安全感..在某个适当程度的主张......
纵然是了解眼光 也是温暖

这段日子你真的过的好吗？
没有你的早晨，加了糖的咖啡，也是苦的。

当时我尊重你的要求，所以我离开。
但，这段日子你不开心，所以我就回来了。

也许，我连自己要什么我也不知道。
我一个人，游游荡荡。自由久了，也没有了目标。
梦里醒来，发现墙上已经不自觉写满了你的名字。

单身，是茫然。恋爱，也彷徨。我明白，
所以我用时间去证明了这颗心。不会因为你曾经的放弃而改变。

每个早上 都想赖床 没有梦 是最让人沮丧......
我的眼睛 盯着天花板 也跑不出 任何对象......

我不想当笨蛋 我在墙上写满渴望......
我可以大哭一场 房间还是空空荡荡......
我绝对不逞强 该属于我任其自然......
可是我也要安全感, 在某个适当程度的主张......
纵然是了解眼光也是温暖

难道我真的是个笨蛋？一直错过已经在身边的幸福。

我们只是用时间找到了我们需要什么。
时间让我们认识了自己，也肯定了对方。

因为你，让我知道真正的幸福是什么。

Time is defined by change. I finally understood what that means. If event A had taken place a year ago, I would know with certainty what to do, but when event A occurs now, I am at a loss. Why? Because of all the uncertainty. Shall relate a incident that happened during night navi. When the majority of the team wanted to give up and head towards the end point, I insisted on combing the area and in the end, found the checkpoint by following my gut instinct. At that point of time, I felt victorious, cos it's been a long time since I did something with passion, drive, interest and determination. And it's been a long time since I felt that I knew something with so much certainty and yet so little reason....

我怀念的，竟然是那种不可理喻，冲动的感觉....

I was only human. I'm trying to be one now.... 找自己....

Been freaking busy in camp for the past week, the worst part being having psc interview straight after night navi and then live firing in the morning b4 i can book out. 3.5 hrs of sleep and only booking out 50 mins b4 my interview = gg . Splashed around 17 bucks on taxi fare.... sianz...
bg sound is 阿沁（fromFIR) 遗失的美好... Damn nice... think it sounds better than angela's version, which proves the point again that piano and strings owns all.....

夜的宁静
是时候好好反省
月的阴晴
圆缺就像我的心

夜下着雨
天在哭泣
不知道何时才放晴
我忽然非常想念你

你的背影
让我失去了理性
你的放弃
让我迷失了自己
你的离去就像刺青
永远烙印在我的心
是如此痛而如此的美丽

我努力的想哭泣
却哭不出泪滴
一次又一次的灰心
才发现早已麻痹
终于发现自己
已经不在乎你

原来分手也能如此安宁

[孙燕姿- 安宁]

Static, cynical, under-motivated, immune.

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

I'm trying my best to, but is being immune to feelings better than having a whirlpool of emotions. I get the idea that I have just exchanged the devil for the deep blue sea....

The worst kind of pain are usually self-inflicted. It comes from the feeling of helplessness. Having the will yet not having the ability to change the circumstances often result in an excruciating pain that gnaws away at your soul, making you less and less of a human.

Have faith. But perhaps.... perhaps.... this is one time too many.....