后青春期的诗

2009 的最后一天...

某人送了某人一本关于梦想的书.

但某人却麻木地活在残酷的现在.

直到某人终于离开的那一天，

某人才意识到那本被冷落的书.

或许某人的心机也没那么重嘛,

但这世界就是因巧合而美丽.

人因梦而伟大，但我们总爱欺负有梦想的人.

青春的成长期， 我们总抱着一种 ‘我长大以后绝对不要成为我们看不起的那种大人’的态度.

现在的我们，不就一步一步地蜕变成当初我们嗤之以鼻的大人.

现在的我，已让三年前的我失望， 更何况是十年前的我...

所以2010 年的最重要的第一件事，就是得和十年前和三年前的我鞠躬道歉.

虽然让你们失望了，但现在的我不会再重蹈覆辙了.

好吧... 拿出一张字条，写出自己的梦想吧...

写好后放在一个瓶子里，埋在一棵大树下，十年后再回来吧它挖出，看看自己到底实现梦想了吗..

你不能害怕你不相信的东西。

只有幼稚的人，才能改变这个世界。因为他们幼稚到，完全不懂得害怕。

second chance

once bitten, twice... stupid...

because i will never risk losing a friend again.

Deep Thought

'Do you want to solve for the optimization of a plug flow reactor or decide your country's interest rates in the future?'

'Neither'

'Then what the f*** are you doing in chem eng and econs?'

'Good qn, i'll think about that.'

never been better, never been worse

12 Sep
10:36:22 AM
Safari 4.0.3
unknown
PittsburghPennsylvaniaUnited States
JLOH.RES.CMU.EDU


1. The entry that stood out amongst all the rest in my visitor counter. (edited of course to take away the IP add) Thanks jloh for all the love from CMU.


2. new laptop, samsung r420 from comex at a cheap cheap 949 bucks =)

3. As suggested by the title, I'm having a hell of my time in uni --> and the question i like to ask is why does all this lead to? I realised that my answer is that i dun know and worse still, i dun really care.

4. I dun know whether there is a saturation point for energy, cos it's like meeting new people and trying new stuff don't excite me anymore. It's like after a while, based on thin-slicing abilities of a 10sec intro by another person, i've already plotted his/her possiblities in different aspects of my life in uni. The scary thing is that it's freaking pretty accurate(think of the last time your first impression failed you when you delibrately thin-slice someone else) and the disappointing thing is that every other person falls into the same few boring catergories. We need to ban stereotypes in uni. Peroid.

5. If you didn't understand the previous post, dun worry, i'm having trouble trying to interpret it myself also.

6. My last meaningful conversation was on the topic of the idealism of marriage, and so here goes something that struck me after the convo, from movie definitely maybe

The defining scene of Definitely Maybe

Will Hayes: Will you... um... marry me?
April: No. What do you mean, 'Will you, um, marry me?' I haven't seen you in weeks! You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage! You're asking me to give up my - my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds? And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you wanna marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda?
Will Hayes: Oh! Oh, my God.
April: You should've got on your knee.
Will Hayes: Just shut up! Here - I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?
April: Definitely. Maybe.


April's first reply was ouch ouch ouch.

如烟

有沒有那麼一種永遠　永遠不改變　擁抱過的美麗都　再也不破碎
讓險峻歲月不能在臉上撒野　讓生離和死別都遙遠　有誰能聽見

就这样, 一眨眼间就过去了
我再怎么不舍, 也只剩下回忆可以参考

有沒有那麼一滴眼淚　能洗掉後悔　化成大雨降落在　回不去的街
再給我一次機會　將故事改寫　還欠了他一生的　一句抱歉

为什么看着你, 我心里留下的是亏欠和无奈
为设么看着你, 我只能说'对不起', 总说不出'谢谢你'

有沒有那麼一個世界　永遠不天黑　星星太陽萬物都　聽我的指揮
月亮不忙著圓缺　春天不走遠　樹梢緊緊擁抱著樹葉　有誰能聽見

忙,忙,忙..... 似乎是在找借口麻醉自己
以为骗了全世界的人很伟大， 但最后却骗不了自己

有沒有那麼一朵玫瑰　永遠不凋謝　永遠驕傲和完美　永遠不妥協
為何人生最後會像一張紙屑　還不如一片花瓣曾經鮮豔

我曾以为'永远' 和'一定' 是神圣的
但日子久了, 看到的谎言也多了,说的谎言也多了
永远好像有了期限 - 几个月, 几年?

有沒有那麼一張書籤　停止那一天　最單純的笑臉和　最美那一年
書包裡面裝滿了蛋糕和汽水　雙眼只有無猜和無邪　讓我們無法無天

当熟悉的音乐响起 , 熟悉的回忆也被勾起
大声地唱着那年的歌, 毫无保留地掉下眼泪

有沒有那麼一首詩篇　找不到句點　青春永遠定居在　我們的歲月
男孩和女孩都有吉他和舞鞋　笑忘人間的苦痛　只有甜美

庆幸的是那时的场地一片黑暗,
让你看不到我掉下的眼泪
清亮的歌声与我哽咽的感动
交融在一片蓝色的荧光海中
已是我最大的慰藉了

有沒有那麼一個明天　重頭回一遍　讓我再次感受曾　揮霍的昨天
無論生存或生活　我都不浪費　不讓故事這麼的後悔

我试着设想能够让时间倒流的那一天
但我发现这都是多余的
因为现在的你是最快乐的,,,, 去飞翔吧

我从来都不说那种‘如果时间能够倒流‘的话，....
因为...., 时间若真的能倒流.....
这一切就不会那么的珍贵..... (五月天)

drunk on air

alcohol is definitely not my friend... i wonder why everyone is hype-ing bout highs you get after drinking when all i can manage is just a sinking feeling. I prefer just breathing in air, with my earphones plugged in. =)

复刻回忆

你还好吗 好久不见
又来这里 这个老店
后来的你 喜欢了谁
我们 聊聊天

现在的你 一样美丽
至於爱情 是个回忆
她不爱我 他离开你
爱会来 就会去

在不同的城市努力
偶尔也会想想你
这样的我 那样的你
要很久才相聚

我们都没说那遥远的曾经
我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云
没法子抓在手里

我们的眼泪在复习着过去
我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信
多远都可以找到你

窗外的树 爱哭的风
烦恼的我 聪明的你
爱是什麽 什麽人懂
所以 别难过

心还痛吗 请忘了吧
所谓幸福 是个童话
后来的我 一切随意
所以 没关系

在不同的城市努力
偶尔也会想想你
这样的我 那样的你
要很久才相聚

我们都没说那遥远的曾经
我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云
没法子抓在手里

我们的眼泪在复习着过去
我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信
多远都可以找到你

午后的闷热的窗外的一场大雨
让我们看见了以前的自己
把时光倒转回那一季
那年的梦 他乡的你

sweet.... fantastic lyrics.....

running to nowhere...

AHM was on Sun. Crazy build-up to it I must admit. Woke up at 7 to go NUS for make-up lect, went down to King Albert's Park there for tuition after the lect, then made my way back to NUS for CO welcome tea. That's just less than half the programme I had for the day. Next up was OG outing at city hall (at first it was bugis), then followed by esther's farewell and ack's bday celebration at mushroom pot in somerset. Then, went airport to send situ off to US before following the 6A guys out to fengshan market for supper. Reached home at a niffy 12.30 thanks to hasu going out of the way to send me home. Showered, surf net for a while and went to sleep at 1.30 +am, woke up at 3.45am to prepare for the run. Went to wait for NR service only to realise that the website cheat ppl one, the last service ends at city hall at 4.30am not start. Luckily, there were 2 other runners stranded like me and we cab pool to padang. Finally started the run 5.30am. Ran a cui 2.5 hr timing but glad that i even finished it, considering the schedule i had the day b4.

One of my christian friend once told me that running was like having a convo with god. While I do not share the same religious views, I do agree that running allows you to see things differently, especially things that you are caught up with in the heat of the moment. It's kind of like Einstein's relativity, that when you move, you experience time more slowly, so there's a sort of surrealism edge to your thinking, which allows you to separate your short-term emotions from your long term hard standing values. ( this is purely my hypothesis, it is NOT scientifically proven)

One of my epiphanies actually went : You know that only one thing matters, so why bother about the rest of the questions.....

I quote from Kite Runner : "For you, a thousand times over."

the culture factor

" Go to any Western college campus and you'll find that Asian students have a reputation for being in the library long after everyone else has left. Sometimes people of Asian background get offended when their culture is described this way, because they think that the stereotype is being used as a form of disparagement. But a belief in work ought to be a thing of beauty . Virtually every success story we've seen in this book so far involves someone or some group working harder than their peers. " taken from Outliers by Malcolm Galdwell

In short, OUTmug every single one of them... lolz...

entitlement

knowing your own standing and weight, and hence demanding a corresponding amount of attention and freedom - that is.... the modern definition of entitlement. In the general case of successful people, they are usually the ones that can go into a situation with minimum information, extracts the maximum useful information he needs and then input the right amount of "reactive action" to achieve maximum utility(ie,. equipped with entitlement) Information is truly the most powerful weapon and hence only with the empowerment of knowledge will a sense of entitlement be built into people.

mitigated speech

you know... when the words come out all wrong.....

the music lives on

went to watched syf closing ceremony and a performance by this imba china tanbo ensemble... It sparked back the irrational passion and love for CO music once again... Esp 天网.... remembered vividly the time where it brought tears to my eyes just by listening to it....

But then, when you open your eyes once again, you realise that all these were lost opportunities alr... Tied to the present by the ever busy schedules, academics, priorities, the contact with external COs, alumni CO and so on seem ever more transient. Irrevocably, I am drifting away. Organisations never do remain constant, and as such, undergoes the process of eliminating away the excessively old and recruiting fresh blood. However, this is not the same with music - it lives on and is not subjected to the merciless judgement of time.....

谁会明白?....

你小心翼翼 牵我手
其实是担忧 藏不住我
自尊也投降 活在她之下
我 好傻

你字字句句说 你不爱她
那又是什么 让你害怕
我疑惑但是原谅 因为你留下
我 好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞

你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

啊~~ 谁说我不在意空等候
原来 你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受
你没想像中爱我

chrome

just started using chrome cos youtube is phasing out support for my beloved IE 6 and I found out that most other browsers can't play the bgsound embedded... lolz... hence the change to a new player, works pretty well i think...

哼情歌

在无关紧要的场合都会想起这首歌
是因为 你曾经哼唱着
再平淡无奇的眼神 都会想起你呢
是因为 我曾被你凝望着

我只好夜夜哼情歌
是因为她拥着你了
不想往事因为你们背影而毫无气色了
是不是还爱着你呢
所以我心还在跳动着
还有什么舍不得
也只能哼情歌
也只能哼情歌

yoshikitty

omg.... cutez... the shirt is damn nice too.... each one costs 100 over sing dollars though, without shipping and all... so i'm just putting their pics up to admire... haiz...

silver

IPPT silver... not too bad... The only time since BMT I was running for gold at 2.4km... normally SBJ would make have only silver to contemplate about... but still totally cuiz... lasted 3 rounds of 1.30, then totally died in the second half... anw, it's still 200 bucks in, planning to con 200 more from the organisation after AHM... anyone keen?

Unlock

I realise that this blog was far more interesting in the past. There were more stuff to read and more cut-throat opinions on issues. Now, I'd rather toe the line and let you decide for yourself. Oh well, and it didn't help that most of the long entries were fillers and distractions to hide away the words that mattered but weren't visible anyway. ( eg 4 march )

School's starting, time to get back to mugging mode.... :)

pulling yourself up...

Was preparing to teach forces for physics in tuition, then I found this JC worksheet that describes an amazingly non-intuitive phenomenon. It is about this boy weighing 320N sitting on a chair of 160N and yet requiring only > 240N of force to pull himself up a tree via a perfect frictionless pulley system. When another person outside of the system attempts to pull the boy and his chair up by himself, he finds himself burdened with 480N just to keep the boy and his chair motionless in air. That's pretty non-intuitive eh....

Lesson no.1 Do not burden others to pull yourself up. You can do it yourself with half the effort.

Lesson no. 2 Newton is always right (for most cases)

A lot like love

Look Emily.... I'm flat broke.... I don't have a job.... I don't have a plan........ and i know.......... i know i'm probably 6 years too late...... But would you give me strike one back?

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love it's suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

[Solo]

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

[bon jovi - i'll be there for you]

breaking dawn

"
Heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat - not a burning.

It was a glowing.

Everything inside of me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was - my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self - disconnected from me in that second - snip snip snip - and floated up into space.

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing - to the very center of the universe.

I could see that now - how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.

It was........
"
excruciatingly exquisite


Slowly but surely, the shadow of chuck palahniuk is edging out of this place. Receding, fading. No more sadistic humour, in-your-face kindof writing. Maybe it's a good sign, that my writer's block is getting unblocked and I would no longer find the need to express myself through the premeditated words of others. It's a long shot but still a start is a start.

Insomnia

I never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love
But it grew from a simple crush, crush, crush, crush
Being without you girl, I was all messed up, up, up, up
When you walked out, said that you'd had enough-nough-nough-nough

Been a fool, girl I know
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time, you'll change your mind
Now looking back i wish i could rewind

Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
Oh i stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Remember telling my boys that I'd never fall in love, love, love, love
You used to think I'd never find a girl I could trust, trust, trust, trust
And then you walked into my life and it was all about us, us, us, us
But now I'm sitting here thinking I messed the whole thing up, up, up, up

Been a fool (fool), girl I know (know)
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time (time), you'll change your mind (mind)
Now looking back i wish i could rewind

Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before (Because it)
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah (Ah), Feels like insomnia ah ah

Ah, i just can't go to sleep
Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep
And i know that it's love because

I can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

not my usual genre, but oh well, it's engine camp mass dance song, and it's kinda nice as well.... The korean's version pretty good too.

Engine camp was.... crazy... haha... Had a damn zai and crazy OGL that by the end of day 1, the "high-ness" of the group was probably the same what i'll manage to get after 2 full days of "rah-rah"-ing in my previous camps (ie. campfire mode) Oh well... which makes me wonder if i should take an assignment or 2 b4 sch starts in Aug. Miss the kids calling you "cher" and their whining and all that. Haha. Anw, engine camp is so appropriately defined by its mass dance song lar, we had like 3-4 hours of sleep for all 3 nights lar, really insomnia...

Been thinking... going for camps always resets the perspective, because it's so intense, because it forces your mind off pressing issues. The second verse is way too appropriate. The worst kind of helplessness is when you can't protect your loved ones from hurt because you know that every single step you take towards doing so hurts them even more. sheesh.. i'm reading too much stephenie meyer's o_0

all i ask of you

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
my words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you...

CHRISTINE
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime...
Say you need me with you now and always...
Promise me that all you say is true
that's all I ask of you

RAOUL
Let me be your shelter
let me be your light
You're safe, No one will find you
your fears are far behind you...

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night
and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me...

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with me
one love, one lifetime
let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you...
anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you...

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
say the word and I will follow you...
Share each day with me,
each night, each morning...
Say you love me...

RAOUL
You know I do...

BOTH
Love me - that's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go let me go too
Love me - that's all I ask of you...

instrumental version.... violin by sarah chang and cello by julian webber. The melody's still haunting me since RJCO concert...

A Dis-concert-ingly Concert-ed Effort

okay... lame title... RJCO concert last sat. *claps* First Alumni CO performance also *claps*

Disconcerting is cos of the lack of time, space and proper acoustics at the PAC.

Concerted is cos of the attitude and passion that pushed through the obstacles present.

Nevermind the concert went over the time limit by 40 minutes. Nevermind some of the pieces weren't play to perfection.

They all don't matter.

It's the spirit that counts. And for that, I can say that I damn well proud of my juniors.

The alumni finally materializing is an added joy, so infinite thanks to all who made it possible.

Cheerios.

coming to light...

"Sometimes you get the read right and still do the wrong thing."
"Why? Because you can't trust other people?"
"No, because you can't trust yourself."

The Answer to the Great Question, of Life, the Universe and Everything is....

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

lolz... hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is insanely good. I need a Point-Of-View gun like right now...

"I'd far rather be happy than right any day."

Well said....

blueberry philosophy

Elizabeth: I guess I'm just looking for a reason.

Jeremy: From my observations, sometimes it's better off not knowing, and other times there's no reason to be found.

Elizabeth: Everything has a reason.

Jeremy: Hmm. It's like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night, the cheesecake and the apple pie are always completely gone. The peach cobbler and the chocolate mousse cake are nearly finished... but there's always a whole blueberry pie left untouched.

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the blueberry pie?

Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the blueberry pie. Just... people make other choices. You can't blame the blueberry pie, just... no one wants it.

Scene from My Blueberry Nights

时光是琥珀 泪一滴滴被反锁
情书再不朽 也磨成沙漏
青春的上游 白云飞走苍狗与海鸥
闪过的念头 潺潺的溜走

命运好幽默 让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙 换一颗红豆
回忆如困兽 寂寞太久而渐渐温柔
放开了拳头 反而更自由

慢动作 缱绻胶卷 重播默片 定格一瞬间
我们在 告别的演唱会 说好不再见

你写给我 我的第一首歌
你和我 十指紧扣 默写前奏
可是那然后呢
还好我有 我这一首情歌
轻轻的 轻轻哼着 哭着笑着
我的 天长地久

命运好幽默 让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙 换一颗红豆
回忆如困兽 寂寞太久而渐渐温柔
放开了拳头 反而更自由

长镜头 越拉越远 越来越远 事隔好几年
我们在 怀念的演唱会 礼貌的吻别

你写给我 我的第一首歌
你和我 十指紧扣 默写前奏
可是那然后呢
还好我有 我这一首情歌
轻轻的 轻轻哼着 哭着笑着
我的 天长地久

陪我唱歌 清唱你的情歌
舍不得 短短副歌 心还热着
也该告一段落
还好我有 我下一首情歌
生命宛如 静静的

[情歌 - 梁静茹]

nice song.... nice mv....

I know "sorry" isn't enough, but it's all I can muster for the moment, shrouded in this blog, encrypted in my own way. I forogt what it was like to trust your instincts.
"Sometimes you get the read right and still do the wrong thing."
"Why? Because you can't trust other people?"
"No, because you can't trust yourself."

你是此生最美的风景....

还记得那年的夏天
椰子树占据了海边
太阳光灿烂得刺眼

你轻轻吻了我的脸
飞机越过海面
划下微笑弧线

就在一瞬间 你和我之间
相隔一个世纪般遥远

幻想的时间
却带不走回忆里的画面

你是此生最美的风景
让我心碎却如此着迷
就算世界动荡
再绝望也有微笑的勇气

你是此生最美的风景
才令我至今一再想起
这样爱过一个人
是多幸福的事情

后来我们又再遇见
虽然成熟了些
笑容却都没变

就在那瞬间 有很多感觉
排山倒海湮没了视线

你没有开口
紧紧地拥抱着却意味深远

你是此生最美的风景
让我心碎却如此着迷
就算世界动荡
再绝望也有微笑的勇气

你是此生最美的风景
才令我至今一再想起
这样爱过一个人
是多幸福的事情

以为时间可以
像沙滩和潮汐
拭去回忆痕迹 Wo~

我们如果不曾分离
我不会发现
最后回到原地 还是最爱你

你是此生最美的风景
让我心碎却如此着迷
就算世界动荡
再绝望也有微笑的勇气

你是此生最美的风景
才令我至今一再想起
这样爱过一个人
是多幸福的事情

你是此生最美的风景
才令我至今一再想起
这样爱过一个人
是多幸福的事情


Watched SYF after 4 years since I last took part in it. It was pretty intense, you could almost smell the tension of the schools waiting outside at the main hall for their turn to play. I had no complaints about the result, except i thought it was a pity that VJ missed out on the elusive GWH. Anyway, well done RJCO or RI(JC) CO! No GWH but it was GWP (Gold with pride), the last part of mei hua yin was absolutely stunning, had goosebumps even listening to it from backstage. Xunqi's right, when you attend CO events, you almost wish that the day would never end, cos you know that when you fall asleep and wake up the next day, you'll have to put down whatever passion that was built up in the short span of the day before and continue with whatever mundane activities that your current life requires you to complete. Almost like a hangover....

My tutee got 39/40 for his recent math test. Notwithstanding that the test was pretty easy and he is quite smart, I shall allow myself a tinge of satisfaction as his math/science tutor. =)

Home alone for a week from fri onwards, cause my parents are going to aussie and I'm not (cos of the swine flu, long story...) Luckily there's 2B chalet the next week so I won't be bored to death. Accepting orders for Starburst products, I'm levying a 50% commision ( dun worry, it will still work out to much cheaper than what you get from Candy Empire)

Playing for change

Aware of Aware

The way the recent Aware saga had unfolded left a bitter taste in my mouth - I assume i did for many too. My response is one of irritation, because my take on the whole episode is that it was a calculated move (gone horribly wrong) to milk publicity. One of the biggest giveaway is the calling of a press conference to ANNOUNCE (whine) that they receive death threats. lol, closing one eye to the blatant mud-slinging, one could not close the other to the tempting of fate here. Should anything (touch wood) happen to any one of them or their loved ones (so said in the death threats), I'll leave you to imagine the headlines. So why the goading here to make the person who made the threats have more incentives for carrying them out. If they deem him/her incapable of such deeds, why the ultimate distress at the press conference? Hence, pointing to my conclusion that this is just a publicity stunt. Similarly for the email "leaks", change of locks episode, cat fights, agenda/homosexuality issues... etc etc.. Note that I'm not questioning the authenticity of the above-mentioned items, but just pointing out that a lot of unnecessary actions have been taken with the aim of raising awareness about Aware.

Well, I guess the entire Singapore at least heard of Aware now, but it's still a move gone horribly wrong. Why? While it may seem in the papers that a lively debate is going on, it's probably an illusion. After surveying 100 people in 2 weeks, I realised that a large majority of Singaporeans steer clear of controversy. Aware being in the centre of controversy now, most of us onlookers would just want to keep a distance away until it settles its problems. So while more people are aware of Aware now, the overall impression of them has gone down the drain. Lastly, the triviality of it all is exemplified when you see how fast we sweep the Aware issue under the carpet in the face of swine flu. Aware should take a breather, work on its damaged reputation, and the most important thing - stop wasting journalistic resources

perfect read

i'm glad i held my faith in my people reading abilities, even when they tell me things i never wanted to know. Congratz.

And i finally can heave a sigh of relief....

And technology shoots you right back in the face...

well well... jen han's [in your face] comment sums it all up. While the entire world bowls over susan boyles (7.9 million views at last count), these 96 musicians from all over the world gathering at carnegie hall in new york were given the cold shoulder by many. To clarify, eroica is the title of the piece written by tan dun (if you don't know who he is, think crouching tiger hidden dragon soundtrack and China olympics music) as the "youtube symphony", drawing inspiration from beethoven and chinese traditional music. The scores were released online, and musicians all round the world were invited to audition by posting a video of their audition on youtube for a place in the YTSO (youtube symphony orchestra), which gathered together on april 15 at carnegie hall to perform. To think that the passion and joy of the 96 involved (some of them even amateurs) could not rival 1 woman in Britain who suceeded despite her looks. I'm not saying Susan Boyles is underserving of the attention and publicity, I'm asking why the 96 musicians accomplishing the same, if not greater feat, were not given the same treatment.

I'm itching to try out the newly formed PCN cycling shops chain, anyone interested in 40km cycle pls pm me... haha....

Eroica - The triumph over technology

In a age where the conveniences of the internet are seemingly fully exploited and the internet itself seem to be sinking into the dark ages amongst the dark waves of illegal downloading, pornography, credit card spams, junk email, viruses etc etc, YTSO reminds us that we are still masters of our own creation, capable of the most amazing and wonderful things that bring about an intensity of emotions that can only be translated as joy.

random insight from surveyor job - I had a conversation with 50 different people in 3 days, that's like one-quarter the people i have on Facebook. And I was just thinking - I think I know some of them better than at least 50% of my facebook "friends" Ouch....

I've got a pair of free tics to Wolverine on 29 April at Tiong Bahru GV. Anyone interested pls contact me. Trust Safra to give such strange gifts o_0 No, you dun get free movies passes, you get free movie tickets (ie. alr bought with seat no., date and time -_-") And yah, signed up for both National Runway Cycling and Army Half. Looking for kakis....

Intensity

What I sorely lack....

My favourtie song - george winston's variation on the kanon, loved the My Sassy Girl scene.

I think i had a lot of blog about, but my mind is white-washed for now...

Disturb the sound of silence.....

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

All I ever wanted to know was why and you chose the sound of silence. And indeed, silence like a cancer grows. My words like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the wells of silence....

no music, no dream...

DMC wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't bad either. oh well, I just didn't like the way it trivialises jap metal, but i guess the stereotyping is needed to complement the humour in the show. X japan rocks.... Yoshiki rocks even more.... lolz....

love simply is?

"
She knew there was something wrong. Or, rather, she couldn't possibly not have known what i was feeling, because I had never concealed my love for her, even though I'd only spoken openly of it once. But I would cancel any appointment to see her; I was always there when she needed me; I was trying to build some kind of relationship with her son, in the belief that he would one day call me 'Dad'. I never asked her to stop what she was doing; I accepted her way of life, her decisions; I suffered in silence when she suffered; I was glad when she triumphed; I was proud of her determination.

"why did you turn off the tape recorder?"

I hovered for a second between heaven and hell, between rebellion and submission, between cold reason and destructive emotion. In the end, summoning up all my strength, I managed to control myself. I pressed the button.

"Let's continue."
"

"
'You know, of course, that Andrea doesn't like you.'

'Naturally. but we've been speaking for nearly half an hour about love. Liking has nothing to do with it. Andrea is perfectly capable of fulfilling her mission. She has more experience and more charisma than I do. She learned from my mistakes; she knows that she must be prudent because in an age in which the wild beast of obscurantism is dying, there's bound to be conflict. Andrea may hate me as a person, and that may be why she's developed her gifts so quickly - to prove that she was more able than me. When hatred makes a person grow, it's transformed into one of the many ways of loving.'
"

"
Months later, before she set off to Dubai, I told her that I loved her. She said she felt the same way, but added that we must be prepared to spend long periods apart. Each of us would work in a different country, but true love could withstand such a separation.

That was the only time I dared to ask her: 'Why do you love me?'

She replied: 'I don't know and I don't care'

Now, as I put the finishing touches to these pages, I believe I may have found the answer in her last conversation with the journalist.

Love simply is.
"

Excerpts from The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho

Definitely.... Maybe....

More on stories....

"
Maya: You still have to tell me the story of how you fell in love with her.
Will: I fell in love with her because she was smart, beautiful and fun.
M: So now, she's stupid, ugly and boring?
W: Of course not.
M: Then, what's the problem?
W: It's complicated, Maya.
M: Everything with you is so complicated. I bet if you just told me the story, you'd realise that it's not complicated at all...... That.... you just love her....
W: I know this is tough for you but what were you thinking? That i'm gonna tell you this story and it's gonna make everything better? It does not work this way.
M: Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Tell me and we'll find out.
W: No. Game over. It's time for bed.
M: No! It's not time for bed! It's time for you to tell me the story!
W: Maya....
M: I need to know!.....
"

Just watched Definitely, Maybe on dvd. My second time watching, loved the scripting, lots of fantastic dialougue.

Sometimes the snow comes down in june
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon
I see the passion in your eyes
Sometimes its all a big surprise
cause there was a time when all I did was wish
Youd tell me this was love
Its not the way I hoped or how I planned
But somehow its enough

And now were standing face to face
Isnt this world a crazy place
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

All of the nights you came to me
When some silly girl had set you free
You wondered how youd make it through
I wondered what was wrong with you

cause how could you give your love to someone else
And share your dreams with me
Sometimes the very thing youre looking for
Is the one thing you cant see

And now were standing face to face
Isnt this world a crazy place
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

Sometimes the very thing youre looking for
Is the one thing you cant see

Sometimes the snow comes down in june
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last
You went and saved the best for last
[Save the best for last - vanessa williams]

The character Will commented in the movie that this song is an excellent cure for the will to live and i find myself agreeing....

lovebug

Nick:
Called her for the first time yesterday
Finally found the missing part of me
Felt so close, but you were far away
Left me without anything to say

Joe:
(chorus):
Now I'm speechless,
over the edge,
I'm just breathless,
I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug ,again

Hopeless,
head over heels,
In the moment,
I'd never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug, again

Nick:
I can't get your smile out of my mind
Joe: (i can't get you out of my mind)
I think about your eyes all the time
Your beautiful, but you don't even try
Joe: (you don't even, don't even try)
Modesty is just so hard to find

Joe:
(chorus)
Now I'm speechless,
over the edge,
I'm just breathless,
I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug, again

Hopeless,
head over heels,
In the moment,
I'd never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug, again

Nick:
Kissed her for the first time yesterday
Everything I wished that it would be
Suddenly, I forgot how to speak
Hopeless, Breathless, Baby can't you..see

Joe: Now i'm.........

Kevin,Joe,Nick:
(chorus)
Now I'm speechless,
over the edge,
I'm just breathless,
I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug, again

Now I'm hopeless,
head over heels,
In the moment,
I'd never thought that I'd get hit by this lovebug, again

L'Inconnue de la Seine

"
Director Sedlak, said how all Breather Betty dolls are molded from the death mask of a single French girl.

“True story,” she told the group of them.

This face on the floor, it’s the face of a suicide pulled from the water over a century ago. Those same blue lips. The same staring dull eyes. All Breather Betty dolls are moulded from the face of this same young woman who threw herself into the Seine River.

If the girl died because of love or loneliness, we’ll never find out. But police detectives used plaster to cast a mask of her dead face, to help find her name, and decades later a toymaker owned that death mask and used it to cast the face of the first Breather Betty.

Despite the risk that somebody in a school or factory or Army unit might someday lean down and recognize the long-dead body of their sister, mother, daughter, wife, this exact dead girl is kissed by millions of people. For generations, millions of strangers have pressed their mouths over hers, those lips her exact drowned lips. For the rest of history, all over the world, people will be trying to save this same dead woman.

This woman who just wanted to die.

The girl who turned herself into an object.

Nobody said the last part. But nobody had to
"
from "Haunted" by Chuck Palaniuk

The starting of one of the short stories in the book. It's based on fact though, can check this out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27Inconnue_de_la_Seine

The story itself is prolly too explicit for me to post up here, but if u are interested, can go search for "exodus", "haunted", "chuck palaniuk", i'm sure u'll be able to find ebooks out there. I repeat the disclaimer, it WILL be explicit, though dangerously funny at the same time. lolz.. If you can take that, you can try searching for "guts", another of the short stories. The author claims people have fainted from the recitation of the story..

just a preview

"
This is just what human beings do - turn objects into people, people into objects. Back and forth. Tit for tat.
"

Friday the..... fourteenth

"
he's saying that human beings need to accept the wild animal side of their nature. We need some way to exhaust our fight-or-flight reflexes. Those skills we learned over the past thousand generations. If we ignore our need to hurt and get hurt, if we deny that need and let it pile up, that's when we get wars. Serial killers. School shootings.


"You're saying we have wars, because we have a low threshold for boredom?


"We have wars because we deny that low threshold."
"

"

"Listen to yourselves, you're so busy telling your stories to each other . You're slways turning the past into a story to make yourselves right."

What Sister Vigilante would call our culture of blame.

It never changes, he says. The other group he brought here, it ended the same way. People fall so in love with their pain, they can't leave it behind. Tha same as the stories they tell. We trap ourselves.

Some stories, you tell them and you use them up. Other stories.... and Whittier gestures to our skin and bones.

"Telling a story is how we digest what happens to us. It's how we digest our lives. Our experience."

"You digest and absorb your life by turning it into stories. The same way this theater seems to digest people." With one hand, he points to a carpet stain, the dark stain sticky and growing mold, branched with arms and legs.

Other events - the ones you can't digest - they posison you. Those worst parts of your life, those moments you can't talk about, they rot you from the inside out. Until you're Cassandra's wet shadow on the ground. Sunk in your own yellow protein mud.

But the stories you can digest, that you can tell - you can take control of those past moments. You can shape them, craft them. Master them . And use them to your own good.

These stories are as important as food.

Those are stories you can use to make people laugh or cry or sick. Or scared. To make people feel the way you felt. To help exhaust that past moment for them and for you. Until that moment is dead. Consumed. Digested. Absorbed.

It's how we can eat all the shit that happens.

"

Excerpts from Haunted

For others, it's friday the thriteenth, but just for me alone, it's friday the fourteenth.....

Chuck's right, the only stories you can't tell are those that doesn't exemplify your pain or glory, or... those that are painfully incomplete without an ending.

Since we are onto stories, here's a love story


Was struck by this song on the radio, one of those songs that would make you stop and listen. Found it very familiar, took abit of recalling to remember that i heard it played by a band at YGH at J8 a week ago...

Liverpool 4 Man Utd 1

For memory and keepsake =)

Strawberry Ice Cream =)

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love [x7]

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally [x2]

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

[Counting Crows - Accidentally in Love]

Yay! This song is my favorite now cos of the strawberry ice cream in it =P haha...... Taken from the OST of shrek 2.... this song is amazingly infectious.... lol

Regret

" "Mr Whittier was right," says Mrs Clark, looking around. "We do create the drama that fills up our life."

Mrs. Clark says, Sometimes it seems that we spend the first half of our lives looking for some disaster. And she looks down at her straight-out chest - a look made almost impossible by her enhanced lips. As young people, she says, we want something to slow us down and keep us trapped in one place long enough to look below the surface of the world. That disaster is a car crash or a war. To make us sit still. It can be getting cancer or pregnant. The important part is how it seems to catch us by surprise. That disaster stops us from living the life we'd planned as children - a life of constant dashing around.

"We still create the drama and pain we need." says Mrs Clark. "but this first disaster is a vaccinationm, an inoculation."

Your whole life, she says, you're searching for disaster - you're auditioning disasters - so that you'll be well rehearsed when the ultimate disaster finallly arrives.

"For when you die," Mrs. Clark says.

That's her theory. The Mrs. Clark extension to the theory of Mr Whittier.

We have pain and hate and love and joy and war in the world because we want them. And we want all that drama to prepare us for the test of facing death, someday. "

" Mrs Clark says, sometimes when the police find a shallow grave or the dumped body of a murder victim, the detective will hide a microphone there. It's standard procedure.

She nods at the Earl of Slander, at the tape recorder in his pocket.

The police will hide nearby, and listen for days and weeks. Because almost always the killer will come back and talk to the victim. Pretty much always. We need to tell the story of our life to someone, and the killer can only discuss his crime with a person who won't punish him. His prey.

Even a killer needs to talk, to tell his life story, so bad he'll come and sit beside a grave or a rotting body and just blab, blab, blab at it for hours. Until he makes sense. Until the killer can convince himself with the story of his new reality. The reality that - he was right.

That's why the police wait."

" This is all a flashback now, but it was Nelson who'd looked at their savings account. It was him who said the only way they could afford to have a baby is by making an adult video.

"One day," Mrs. Clark says, "this will happen to you, and in just that one second your life will feel about one hundred years too long..."

On their fifth day of lying in bed, they'd swear they'd been alive forever. Lying in bed day after day is probably how it feels to be a vampire. Imagine being alive for thousands of years and you keep making the same stupid mistake. Just for thousands of years you keep going to bars and clubs and you think you're having a great time. You imagine you're the centre of attention. you have a husband you think is handsome. You think you're both such enitrely hot shit.

The Clarks thought a lot of couples got rich by making adult movies. The home-video industry is only popular because video porn created the demand. Couples all except them were making extra money in their spare time. Other married couples weren't just wasting their sex, unwatched, unappreciated by strangers. First, they'd rent a camera and the editing deck. They's find a distributor for the movie. Since they were married, Nelson said, it wouldn't even be a sin.

Now it doesn't make sense to get out of bed and erase the videotape. That would be like breaking a mirror for showing you the truth. Like killing the bearer of bad news.

"Just laying in bed day after day," Mrs Clark says, "you realize it's not the wooden stakes that kills vampires." It's all the emotional baggage and letdowns they have to carry around for century after century.

You want to think you're getting funnier and smarter all the time. As long as you're making an effort, you're headed for that Big Win. That's how you'd feel as a vampire for maybe the first couple hundred years. After that, all you have is the same failed relationship multiplied by two hundred.

So what."

Excerpts from Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Mado no soto no keshiki utsurikawatte
The scenery outside the window changes with time

Kisetsu made ga atashi wo oiteku
Even the season are leaving me behind

Dare yori chikaku ni ite fuan no tane ni
Closer to you than anyone else because of my insecurity

Doushite ano toki kizukenakatta?
Why didn't I realize it at that time?


Anata no sugata ga mienakunaru mae ni
Your figure slipped out of sight before me

Tatta no tatta ichigon [ikanai de] ga ienakatta
I didn't say the only, single thing I wanted to "Don't leave me."


Anata ga shiawase nara sorede ii nante zettai ni ienai
I can never say "If you're happy, then it's all right,"

Neji magatta konna kokoro ga doushiyou mo nai kurai atashi ha kirai
A twisted, crooked heart like this; I hate it so much I don't know what to do

Tanjoubi ni moratta inisharuringu
The initial ring I received on my birthday

Omoidaseba tsurai dake nano ni
Remembering only makes me painful but

Imasara wakatta no ha omou ijou ni
What I finally realized is that I relied

Anata wo hitsuyou to shiteta koto
On you more than I thought


Futari de kizuita jikan sae kowasu youni
As if to even destroy the times spent together

Kokoto to urahara ni detekita kotoba ajiki nai sayonara
The words that came out contrary to my heart was a good-bye in vain


Anata ga sugoku koukai suru sonna hi ga kuru koto nozonderu
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come

Ijiwaru de minikui kokoro ga kinou yori mo motto atashi ha kirai
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday


Anata ga shiawase nara sorede ii nante zettai ni ienai
I can never say that it's fine as long as you're happy

Neji magatta konna kokoro ga doushiyou mo nai kurai atashi ha kirai
I can't help but to hate this twisted heart

Anata ga sugoku koukai suru sonna hi ga kuru koto nozonderu
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come

Ijiwaru de minikui kokoro ga kinou yori mo motto atashi ha kirai
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday

[Regret - Hoshimura Mai]

I can never say that it's fine as long as you're happy.....




I wish i could say that... at that that would mean that i'm still normal... But it's not about me, my mind screams... I hate to admit this, but i guess i really don't know you anymore. 为什么让你快乐地笑，伤心地哭的人不是我？... I'm passed that stage alr i guess. It seems like the only way to contribute to your happiness would be through my insignificance. Every ounce of logic in me tells me it's all you, and even if you choose to torch this heart inside out, you have every single fucking right to do so.... and i'll continue to be that insignificant me.... So i guess that's it? There's nothing left for me to say. This is the end i guess. Welcome to reality...

Running on empty....

i decided that my posts now will include a title! okay... at least for this post... haha... completed newton active run (10km) this morning in 1hr exactly. Not exactly a fantastic timing, not even near the guards passing standard of 50mins lar... lolz.. however, considering what i've been doing the past few days, it's certainly an achievement that i managed to even finish it. let's start on fri, fri was umay's bday celebration at orchard hotel, hotel buffet... so yah, stuffed loads into the stomach. Then I had to prepare tuition stuff when i got home and plus some random surfing here and there, i ended up sleeping at 3+am and waking up at 7am to a full day of activities. Tuition from 9-11++ (differentiation is so hard to teach o_0) went down to bishan for lunch, then alumni prac from 2-5 then bl's bday celebration thingy (steamboat, stuffed my stomach again) till late at night. Then after i got home, had to prepare tuition stuff again, so slept at 3+am once again and woke up at 6.30am this morning to run 10km at 7.30am... crazy stuff... I'm very sure i'll never try running after 2 nights of 3+4hrs sleep per day with 1 buffet+1 steamboat somemore again. Like NEVER.... lolz... which reminds me, i should go sleep like asap, b4 i become some zombie o_0

oh... i refuse to change the background song... so nice.... ---> okay... that means i know that it has been there for long and will change it SOON ... okay... but tht aside, it's really very nice, even nicer when u are playing it on guitar or piano.....

back from another camp, this time as a belayer..... though the pay was considerably lesser, it was quite fun too. There is so much more freedom and time to talk and interact with people around, as in not the kids lar, the GIs and EFIs mainly... oh, i managed to get a chance to climb the rock wall too. so fun... hahaz... scaled it in like 30 sec :P got a cut on my elbow because of it also, one of my footing slipped on the way up, prolly cos i climbed too fast =S oh well, instructor cannot throw face mah, so many kids watching you climb... haha... the kids were so cute lar. During belaying, i'll have a belay team of kids behind me and they'll go, "instructor/cher, ur hand bleeeeeeding!" with a "are u gonna die?" face.. haha, then must go reassure them and stuff.. lolz, the only downside was tht i needed to travel all the way into campsite which is a good 45 mins bus ride from chua chu kang myself o_0 And i had to rush for tuition at upper east coast after knocking off too... Luckily, i had a fellow belayer for company when i left the campsite. Seriously, the ulu campsite is 3 hrs from my house via public transport lar o_0



Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

Some explanation needed about the blog's layout. Pensieve, my context here refers to the magical storage device used to store memories in Harry Potter. And by swirling them with the tip of the wand, the wand user "experiences" the memory again from a third party's point of view. My intent of using "Pensieve" as the title is to highlight the irony by which we see other people's thoughts with lucidity but are blinded when reading our own thoughts, hence the need for a pensieve to view our own thoughts from a thrid person's perspective..

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

[Everytime - Britney Spears]

i'm dedicating this song to you

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

but the funny thing is... i dun even know if u bother reading here anymore....

A camp facilitator's pay is hard-earned.... But it is a pretty fufilling job i guess... cos

1. we get to meet ppl from all walks of life. My mirror brought this point up, saying the instructors and students were from everywhere, ITE, JC, poly, express, NA, NT, whatever you can think of lar... so, basically u get the chance to interact with ppl u never would b4...

2. we learn a lot as instructors, be it soft skills or hard skills, like how to read group dynamics within a few minutes of interaction. How to assert yourself without coming across as hostile. When to use persuasion and when to be firm and so on. Not to mention that i went kayaking after like 6 years (the last time was obs in sec 3 o_0)

3. we have lots of fun cos we go crazy during camps.. literally.... nuff said... hahaz...

So thank you CHA for the everything!

Life's not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away...

In line with Valentines' Day........

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

[Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You]
Because a girl like you is impossible to find.... You're impossible to find...

The song my kids in camp sang for their campfire item 1 day b4 vday.... Pretty apt, we wanted to choose Bad Day at first cos it was fri 13... lolz...

"It's not about how well you play, it's about how you feel about what you play"
Taken from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
That's the spirit all musicians should have.

In Rant, the author wonders why we feel so safe driving on a two-way street just because of the white line in the middle and the lane markings. At first it seems so laughable but come to think of it, I think he has a valid point.

"That it is doesn't meant that it should be" This line keeps haunting me nowadays....

Out for camp till fri...... till then...

wow... it's 4 feb already... was thinking about deleting this place but well, in the end decided against it, played around with the "new" formatting of blogger and came up with this.... Thanks to any/everyone who was ever concerned about the state of this place....

"In Africa, people don't believe in the Tooth Fairy. Instead, they have the Tooth Mouse. In Spain: Ratoncito Perez. In France: La Bonne Petite Souris. A tiny, magical rodent that steals teeth and replaces them with spare change. In some cultures, the lost tooth must be hidden in a snake or rat burrow to prevent a witch from finding and using the tooth. In other cultures, children throw the tooth into a roaring fire, then, later, dig for coins in the cold ashes.


By first believing in Santa Claus, then the Easter Bunny, then the Tooth Fairy, Rant Casey was recognising that those myths are more than pretty stories and traditions to delight children. Or to modify behavior. Each of those three traditions asks a child to believe in the impossible in exchange for a reward. These are stepped-up tests to build a child's faith and imagination. The first test is to belive in a magical person, with toys as the reward. The second test is to trust in a magical animal, with candy as the reward. The last test is the most difficult, with the most abstract reward: To beilieve, trust in a flying fairy that will leave money.


From a man to an animal to a fairy.


From toys to candy to money. Thus, Interestingly enough, transferrring the magic of faith and trust from sparkling fairydom down to clumsy, tarnished coins. From gossamer wings to nickels ... dimes... and quarters.


In this way, a child is stepped to the greater feats of imagination and faith as he or she matures. Beginning with Santa in infancy, and ending with the Tooth Fairy as the child acquires adult teeth. Or plainly put, beginning with all the possiblity of childhood , and ending with an absolute trust in the national currency."
Taken from Rant by Chuck Palahniuk



2009 for me started in Taiwan at the taipei 101 countdown, not very impressive fireworks, but well, i did managed to get a few good shots. And also, my first live mayday performance! Fantastic atmosphere!

On movies... Australia was quite good, i like the epic feel of the movie and the one-liners Baz Luhrmann is so fond of in his movies. In moulin rouge, it was "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." In Austalia, it was " that it is doesn't mean that it should be"
Ponyo! Didn't think much of the movie when i first watched the trailer but turned out quite good :) Soundtrack composer's Joe Hisaishi! The plot was a little stretched i must say but i like the way it broached a mature adult-like view of love with children characters without it becoming too cheesy or cliched :)


Endless rain from eternal melody 1 in the background. I think it's important that one revists his or her initial influences from time to time and see whether that initial inspiration has turned out the way you imagined it to be at that moment.

A perfect performance by bon jovi... vocals, drums, guitar, keyboard were all perfect. It's like max star power + perfect on rock band... lolz... Anyone has the audio version pls send me!