" "Mr Whittier was right," says Mrs Clark, looking around. "We do create the drama that fills up our life."
Mrs. Clark says, Sometimes it seems that we spend the first half of our lives looking for some disaster. And she looks down at her straight-out chest - a look made almost impossible by her enhanced lips. As young people, she says, we want something to slow us down and keep us trapped in one place long enough to look below the surface of the world. That disaster is a car crash or a war. To make us sit still. It can be getting cancer or pregnant. The important part is how it seems to catch us by surprise. That disaster stops us from living the life we'd planned as children - a life of constant dashing around.
"We still create the drama and pain we need." says Mrs Clark. "but this first disaster is a vaccinationm, an inoculation."
Your whole life, she says, you're searching for disaster - you're auditioning disasters - so that you'll be well rehearsed when the ultimate disaster finallly arrives.
"For when you die," Mrs. Clark says.
That's her theory. The Mrs. Clark extension to the theory of Mr Whittier.
We have pain and hate and love and joy and war in the world because we want them. And we want all that drama to prepare us for the test of facing death, someday. "
" Mrs Clark says, sometimes when the police find a shallow grave or the dumped body of a murder victim, the detective will hide a microphone there. It's standard procedure.
She nods at the Earl of Slander, at the tape recorder in his pocket.
The police will hide nearby, and listen for days and weeks. Because almost always the killer will come back and talk to the victim. Pretty much always. We need to tell the story of our life to someone, and the killer can only discuss his crime with a person who won't punish him. His prey.
Even a killer needs to talk, to tell his life story, so bad he'll come and sit beside a grave or a rotting body and just blab, blab, blab at it for hours. Until he makes sense. Until the killer can convince himself with the story of his new reality. The reality that - he was right.
That's why the police wait."
" This is all a flashback now, but it was Nelson who'd looked at their savings account. It was him who said the only way they could afford to have a baby is by making an adult video.
"One day," Mrs. Clark says, "this will happen to you, and in just that one second your life will feel about one hundred years too long..."
On their fifth day of lying in bed, they'd swear they'd been alive forever. Lying in bed day after day is probably how it feels to be a vampire. Imagine being alive for thousands of years and you keep making the same stupid mistake. Just for thousands of years you keep going to bars and clubs and you think you're having a great time. You imagine you're the centre of attention. you have a husband you think is handsome. You think you're both such enitrely hot shit.
The Clarks thought a lot of couples got rich by making adult movies. The home-video industry is only popular because video porn created the demand. Couples all except them were making extra money in their spare time. Other married couples weren't just wasting their sex, unwatched, unappreciated by strangers. First, they'd rent a camera and the editing deck. They's find a distributor for the movie. Since they were married, Nelson said, it wouldn't even be a sin.
Now it doesn't make sense to get out of bed and erase the videotape. That would be like breaking a mirror for showing you the truth. Like killing the bearer of bad news.
"Just laying in bed day after day," Mrs Clark says, "you realize it's not the wooden stakes that kills vampires." It's all the emotional baggage and letdowns they have to carry around for century after century.
You want to think you're getting funnier and smarter all the time. As long as you're making an effort, you're headed for that Big Win. That's how you'd feel as a vampire for maybe the first couple hundred years. After that, all you have is the same failed relationship multiplied by two hundred.
So what."
Excerpts from Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk
Mado no soto no keshiki utsurikawatte
The scenery outside the window changes with time
Kisetsu made ga atashi wo oiteku
Even the season are leaving me behind
Dare yori chikaku ni ite fuan no tane ni
Closer to you than anyone else because of my insecurity
Doushite ano toki kizukenakatta?
Why didn't I realize it at that time?
Anata no sugata ga mienakunaru mae ni
Your figure slipped out of sight before me
Tatta no tatta ichigon [ikanai de] ga ienakatta
I didn't say the only, single thing I wanted to "Don't leave me."
Anata ga shiawase nara sorede ii nante zettai ni ienai
I can never say "If you're happy, then it's all right,"
Neji magatta konna kokoro ga doushiyou mo nai kurai atashi ha kirai
A twisted, crooked heart like this; I hate it so much I don't know what to do
Tanjoubi ni moratta inisharuringu
The initial ring I received on my birthday
Omoidaseba tsurai dake nano ni
Remembering only makes me painful but
Imasara wakatta no ha omou ijou ni
What I finally realized is that I relied
Anata wo hitsuyou to shiteta koto
On you more than I thought
Futari de kizuita jikan sae kowasu youni
As if to even destroy the times spent together
Kokoto to urahara ni detekita kotoba ajiki nai sayonara
The words that came out contrary to my heart was a good-bye in vain
Anata ga sugoku koukai suru sonna hi ga kuru koto nozonderu
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come
Ijiwaru de minikui kokoro ga kinou yori mo motto atashi ha kirai
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday
Anata ga shiawase nara sorede ii nante zettai ni ienai
I can never say that it's fine as long as you're happy
Neji magatta konna kokoro ga doushiyou mo nai kurai atashi ha kirai
I can't help but to hate this twisted heart
Anata ga sugoku koukai suru sonna hi ga kuru koto nozonderu
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come
Ijiwaru de minikui kokoro ga kinou yori mo motto atashi ha kirai
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday
[Regret - Hoshimura Mai]
I can never say that it's fine as long as you're happy.....
I wish i could say that... at that that would mean that i'm still normal... But it's not about me, my mind screams... I hate to admit this, but i guess i really don't know you anymore. 为什么让你快乐地笑，伤心地哭的人不是我？... I'm passed that stage alr i guess. It seems like the only way to contribute to your happiness would be through my insignificance. Every ounce of logic in me tells me it's all you, and even if you choose to torch this heart inside out, you have every single fucking right to do so.... and i'll continue to be that insignificant me.... So i guess that's it? There's nothing left for me to say. This is the end i guess. Welcome to reality...