10am

I opened my eyes to a new day...

Dazed...

My mind in a blank..

Hangover....

State of denial....

Something was missing...I felt empty....




Concert was over. The reality finally sunk in...

Concert can be likened to an alcoholic drink. Even when knowing that there would be a hangover, one would still drink it to get that "feeling". The only difference would most probably be that this "drink" is much more beneficial than the conventional one. Indeed, lao zhou's constant lament of "How to feel" can be used to a totally different effect here. "How to feel?" Happy because of the sucessful perfomance or nostalgia because last night was most probably the last time the 100 of us there would perform together?

I tried blogging this morning....this afternoon too... but I never got pass the first sentence b4 flashblacks of practices and performances would distract me from the task. There are currently 3 unreplied sms-es in my phone, dun feel like replying coz they seem too irrelevant. I tried to catch up on my tutorials too, but again my mental abilities failed me. For the whole of today, I seem to be sucked into my own whirlpool of thoughts, rendering me brain-dead and unresponsive.

Concert was a sort of success. For the first night, yeah, i admit we screwed up chun1 and taiwan and chang2 hen4. lol, but for the 2nd night, who would have expected us to reach that kind of standard in 2 weeks. Chang2 hen4 mian2 mian2 was really moving. I could feel tears welling up when we played the main melody near the ending. haiz... just wanted to say that every note I played for the last 2 night was for u, though u weren't there, just like last year.....

We always seem to want to put a full stop to every sentence, a final chord to every song, yet there would be cases where it is better to leave the sentence hanging in the air and allowing the music to fade into the background. Why trouble yourself to define when something stops when u knoe that whenever u define it to be, u would be wrong? Just like a hangover, drinking lots of water or tea would not help in any way, so just let the thoughts run and run and run until the effects gradually wear off.

Imagine a video cam postioned such that all the activities of the 2 days of concert were recorded. Running the video on fast forward, u would see an empty stage, to one that is filled with instruments, stands and chairs, to a brightly lit stage where we performed our hearts out, to finally back to an empty stage. When I walked into the PAC after clearing up, the empty stage stared back at me. I contrasted the feeling at that time with the one when I first stepped into PAC 2 days ago. It was so surreal just like a dream....

When a true performer clears up the stage after performing, he/she not just takes away his instrument and scores, instead, he/she takes away all the memories, the efforts, the good times, the bad times, the laughter, the tears, and he/she goes away a truly different person.

So dry your tears with love.....