Is this what eyes were meant to see
The end of hope and all it meant to me
How can I find the strength to carry on another day
Without my pride there's nothing left to say
Is this the way my life was meant to be?
Too late for me to say that I was wrong
Perhaps the weak believe that they are strong
I thought that if I tried I'd find a way to earn their trust
Yet all I'd known and loved has turned to dust
It seems that there was no way I could belong
The fire that burns within your heart
The pain that tears your life apart
The rain that falls from broken skies
The love I lost beneath the lies
And must I face the truth alone?
Is this the end of all I'd known?
The years I gave, the tears I cried
Why dream of love, when love has died?
I know one day the story will be told
And in the end the secrets will be sold
And will they look at me and say I should have known the end
Perhaps I did but why should I pretend?
I only dreamt of love and growing old
The fire that burns within your heart
The pain that tears your life apart
The rain that falls from broken skies
The love I lost beneath the lies
And must I face the truth alone?
Is this the end of all I'd known?
The years I gave, the tears I cried
Why dream of love, when love has died...
[Why dream of love? - Kit Chan]
Taken from the Forbidden City. I was just listening to a random playlist when ITunes suddenly popped up with this song. It reminded of the time when the Lit class under Mrs Koh went for the Forbidden City performance as a Lit outing, and more importantly of how the performance was so touching and impressive that it changed my perception of musicals. hmm.... Forbidden City is showing again this sept, feel like watching again but both prelims and finances are of concern (esp when tickets go at 30 bucks each for restricted view, the lowest price category)
I miss Lit. I miss the times where an entire lesson can just be spedissectingecting a poem or discussing an issue. At least at that time one is allowed to dream and let thoughts wander. Now, we work on absolutes derived from first principles, be it in science, maths or even econs. I just suddenly felt this sense of loss...
Friday, June 02, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read last line
owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
kokoro wa mada nuretamama
(Endless rain, embraces me. Night approaches morning.
My heart is not yet soaked.)
In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshite mada toikaketeru
(I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?)
Am I wrong to be hurt?
Am I wrong to feel pain?
Am I wrong to be in the rain?
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end?
Am I wrong to cry?
But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song
Cause forever fades
kigatsukeba mata hitori yoru no sora o mitsumeteru
sukoshi tzutsukiete yuku our memories
kizutsuk dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshiite mada toikaketeru
(lf I wake up again, I'll gaze at the night sky alone.
Our memories fade away little by little.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?)
I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter
owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
kokoro wa mada nuretamama
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshite mada toikaketeru
(Endless rain embraced me.
Night approaches morning, my heart is not yet soaked.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood.
Why am I still asking the question?)
[The Last Song- X-japan]
Translations of the jap parts are in brackets, i didn't translate it so dun blame me if it's not accurate. It is amazing how X-Japan captures certain emotions and feelings that we normally can't define or pinpoint with exact words. "The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?" shows the state of constant denial of reality. By rejecting the truth/reality, we have chosen to believe in an alternative delusion that is most probably less painful. "Trying to hide the tears. But it was just a cirle that never ends." shows how this delusion might just plunge us into this cycle that sucks the life out of us. With reality's constant reminders, the upkeep of this delusion would be more delusions and one would have to come up with more and more reasons to convince himslef that reality is false. Such an upkeep is likely to be taxing and the song offers reason for it in "Am i wrong to be hurt? Am I wrong to feel pain? Am I wrong to be in the rain? Am I wrong to wish the night won't end? Am I wrong to cry?" The above names the negative effects that reality is likely to bring. So, should we go ahead and delude ourselves then? No,"But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song. Cause forever fades" shows why. Reality may be painful but it is not absolute certainty as shown from the phrase "forever fades". It can also be infered that pain, no matter how painful, will fade. Hence, the resolution.. "I see red. I see blue. But the silver lining gradually takes over. When the morning begins, I'll be in the next chapter" Sadness, anger, fruastration... If we can endure them, hope will become apparent to us. The reality that was so painful would be a thing of the past and with luck, reality might be moulded to our whims and fancy. Reality and delusion. There is a delicate equilibrium of how much of each to believe in, but in any case, it is not wise to leave out any one of them. In response to vin's quote of "Hope is the greatest liar", perhaps it ain't that crucial to know the truth. Anw, if hope is the greatest liar, than one is in no danger of the pain that comes with knowing the truth. (I'm talking as though the truth/reality is always soemthing negative, but isn't it true that for many of us, where the truth/reality matters, it is often negative.)
我真的累了....
On thurs, was loitering in sch after lessons to while away time coz i didn't feel like rushing home and rushing out again for chamber concert. At around mid-afternoon, a thunderstorm broke out. The rain was so heavy that more than half the amphi was flooded with water. While many other ppl in the sch were cursing away at the bad weather, i was silently pleased at the way the rain made the school seemed less cold and unfeeling. The rain swiped off the arrogance and superiority, and taught humility and respect in the face of nature.
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read last line
owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
kokoro wa mada nuretamama
(Endless rain, embraces me. Night approaches morning.
My heart is not yet soaked.)
In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshite mada toikaketeru
(I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?)
Am I wrong to be hurt?
Am I wrong to feel pain?
Am I wrong to be in the rain?
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end?
Am I wrong to cry?
But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song
Cause forever fades
kigatsukeba mata hitori yoru no sora o mitsumeteru
sukoshi tzutsukiete yuku our memories
kizutsuk dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshiite mada toikaketeru
(lf I wake up again, I'll gaze at the night sky alone.
Our memories fade away little by little.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?)
I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter
owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
kokoro wa mada nuretamama
kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotaeo
doshite mada toikaketeru
(Endless rain embraced me.
Night approaches morning, my heart is not yet soaked.
I'm only hurt. Hurt me.
The answer I should have understood.
Why am I still asking the question?)
[The Last Song- X-japan]
Translations of the jap parts are in brackets, i didn't translate it so dun blame me if it's not accurate. It is amazing how X-Japan captures certain emotions and feelings that we normally can't define or pinpoint with exact words. "The answer I should have understood. Why am I still asking the question?" shows the state of constant denial of reality. By rejecting the truth/reality, we have chosen to believe in an alternative delusion that is most probably less painful. "Trying to hide the tears. But it was just a cirle that never ends." shows how this delusion might just plunge us into this cycle that sucks the life out of us. With reality's constant reminders, the upkeep of this delusion would be more delusions and one would have to come up with more and more reasons to convince himslef that reality is false. Such an upkeep is likely to be taxing and the song offers reason for it in "Am i wrong to be hurt? Am I wrong to feel pain? Am I wrong to be in the rain? Am I wrong to wish the night won't end? Am I wrong to cry?" The above names the negative effects that reality is likely to bring. So, should we go ahead and delude ourselves then? No,"But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song. Cause forever fades" shows why. Reality may be painful but it is not absolute certainty as shown from the phrase "forever fades". It can also be infered that pain, no matter how painful, will fade. Hence, the resolution.. "I see red. I see blue. But the silver lining gradually takes over. When the morning begins, I'll be in the next chapter" Sadness, anger, fruastration... If we can endure them, hope will become apparent to us. The reality that was so painful would be a thing of the past and with luck, reality might be moulded to our whims and fancy. Reality and delusion. There is a delicate equilibrium of how much of each to believe in, but in any case, it is not wise to leave out any one of them. In response to vin's quote of "Hope is the greatest liar", perhaps it ain't that crucial to know the truth. Anw, if hope is the greatest liar, than one is in no danger of the pain that comes with knowing the truth. (I'm talking as though the truth/reality is always soemthing negative, but isn't it true that for many of us, where the truth/reality matters, it is often negative.)
我真的累了....
On thurs, was loitering in sch after lessons to while away time coz i didn't feel like rushing home and rushing out again for chamber concert. At around mid-afternoon, a thunderstorm broke out. The rain was so heavy that more than half the amphi was flooded with water. While many other ppl in the sch were cursing away at the bad weather, i was silently pleased at the way the rain made the school seemed less cold and unfeeling. The rain swiped off the arrogance and superiority, and taught humility and respect in the face of nature.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Ge Zhuang concert
whoops... missed this out in the previous post. yeah.. it was held on fri night at LT2. The styles of their songs were largely the same (marcus commented that the chords were like similar throughout), i'm fine with that but it would be better if they had more variations. There were a few impressive performances though, most notably by one of the alumni, who played the piano and sang at the same time. The play in the second half was downright cliched. Pardon the sacarsm, but ain't all love stories the same? (hmm.... well on hindsight, i can think of a few that aren't the same) There were a few loopholes here and there but i shall not dwell on them. The "moral" of the story or at least my interpretation of it is that the person tht is left behind suffers more than the person who leaves. 离开虽然痛，但至少是一种解脱... 留下的却得一辈子背着这个包袱... lol, the thought actually came after watching the last episode of a U channel show (can't remember the name, but i think it was shown on sun and it has damn nice chinese music in the background) and watching the play reminded me of that. ha, at the end of the concert, me and vin were like commenting on the no. of sad songs they have and why certain ppl shouldn't be watching....lol
The world is getting quite sad.... It seems easier to pretend and lie than to say the truth... ( i sound gp-ish- "should the truth be told at all cost?", but well i guess tht's good for the CTs tmr eh)
bg music is changed to love story, played by tkwo. Harmoc played it for their concert. The sax solo at the start is extremely....how to put it?... sensual?.. ha, tht's why i was complaining at the concert that the feel wasn't there...lol
whoops... missed this out in the previous post. yeah.. it was held on fri night at LT2. The styles of their songs were largely the same (marcus commented that the chords were like similar throughout), i'm fine with that but it would be better if they had more variations. There were a few impressive performances though, most notably by one of the alumni, who played the piano and sang at the same time. The play in the second half was downright cliched. Pardon the sacarsm, but ain't all love stories the same? (hmm.... well on hindsight, i can think of a few that aren't the same) There were a few loopholes here and there but i shall not dwell on them. The "moral" of the story or at least my interpretation of it is that the person tht is left behind suffers more than the person who leaves. 离开虽然痛，但至少是一种解脱... 留下的却得一辈子背着这个包袱... lol, the thought actually came after watching the last episode of a U channel show (can't remember the name, but i think it was shown on sun and it has damn nice chinese music in the background) and watching the play reminded me of that. ha, at the end of the concert, me and vin were like commenting on the no. of sad songs they have and why certain ppl shouldn't be watching....lol
The world is getting quite sad.... It seems easier to pretend and lie than to say the truth... ( i sound gp-ish- "should the truth be told at all cost?", but well i guess tht's good for the CTs tmr eh)
bg music is changed to love story, played by tkwo. Harmoc played it for their concert. The sax solo at the start is extremely....how to put it?... sensual?.. ha, tht's why i was complaining at the concert that the feel wasn't there...lol
Monday, May 22, 2006
Bball finals
Went down to Toa Payoa Sports hall after gp on fri to watch/support the girls' bball finals. The atmosphere there was electrifying. The whole hall was filled with tension and excitement and the crowd was doing its job with relentless cheering. RJ was up against VJ and i heard that we were the underdogs. The match was very evenly matched, with the points difference kept within 6 for the first 3 quarters (most of the time it was kept within 4) The VJ team was technically superior to the RJ team but i felt that they lacked the desire to win, or at least they had lesser desire to win than the RJ team. The difference really shows in the defence. The RJ players defended as if their lives depended on it and VJ was limited to 3-pointers and field goals (there were very little drives to the basket and the conversion percentage of the fast breaks was quite low). In the end, RJ won 57-47, scoreline was a little flattering coz the VJ team opened up at the back during the last few minutes trying to chase back the 4-point deficit. Wanted to stay on to watch the guy's match btw HC and AJ, but had to go back to sch for bridge. It has been a long time since i last watched a competitive bball match and it reminded me not of victory, but of the feeling of flying. 似乎有一种冲动，想找回那种...飞的感觉...
Daji Outing
Yay! With the comm outing as precedent, the perc section followed in its footsteps and had our first outing on sat too. The meeting place was at Bugis MRT at 6pm. I boarded the train and expected to reach at 6.05pm, thinking that with luck, i might be the first one there. Strangely, it was the two guys(me and bl) that were the lastest to arrive. I tot tht girls are always "naturally late". lol, afterwhich we went on this long hike to get to the steamboat shop barbara and michelle had been to b4. There was not enough space and we had to move to another shop nearby instead. Dinner was fun with 4 cameras around the table. bl attempted one of the many things listed in kwan's guide to stupid stuff ( ie. Cover ur face with ur bag when someone tries to take a photo of u) while i was resigned to my fate of having candid pics taken while eating. Gillian shocked us with her voracious appetite for beef, finishing one plate by herself and then went to get another plate. We finished around 13 plates of food too, though this time we had twice the no. of ppl compared to tht time at seoul garden. After the meal, we went on another long hike (for digestion purposes) to get to esplanade to take pictures. At esplanade, mingjie unfortunately conducted an experiment to find out the depth of the small pool at the entrance. Tht aside, we managed to get a few good pics in esplanade and on esplanade bridge (esp the one on the bridge) b4 realising that it was close to 10 and the NYBH ppl had to go back to their hostel. Was a really enjoyable outing and as SL, i must say tht i had fun throughout the year working with u all and even if i'm given the chance to choose again, i'll be with u all as a section. Percussion unite!
Went down to Toa Payoa Sports hall after gp on fri to watch/support the girls' bball finals. The atmosphere there was electrifying. The whole hall was filled with tension and excitement and the crowd was doing its job with relentless cheering. RJ was up against VJ and i heard that we were the underdogs. The match was very evenly matched, with the points difference kept within 6 for the first 3 quarters (most of the time it was kept within 4) The VJ team was technically superior to the RJ team but i felt that they lacked the desire to win, or at least they had lesser desire to win than the RJ team. The difference really shows in the defence. The RJ players defended as if their lives depended on it and VJ was limited to 3-pointers and field goals (there were very little drives to the basket and the conversion percentage of the fast breaks was quite low). In the end, RJ won 57-47, scoreline was a little flattering coz the VJ team opened up at the back during the last few minutes trying to chase back the 4-point deficit. Wanted to stay on to watch the guy's match btw HC and AJ, but had to go back to sch for bridge. It has been a long time since i last watched a competitive bball match and it reminded me not of victory, but of the feeling of flying. 似乎有一种冲动，想找回那种...飞的感觉...
Daji Outing
Yay! With the comm outing as precedent, the perc section followed in its footsteps and had our first outing on sat too. The meeting place was at Bugis MRT at 6pm. I boarded the train and expected to reach at 6.05pm, thinking that with luck, i might be the first one there. Strangely, it was the two guys(me and bl) that were the lastest to arrive. I tot tht girls are always "naturally late". lol, afterwhich we went on this long hike to get to the steamboat shop barbara and michelle had been to b4. There was not enough space and we had to move to another shop nearby instead. Dinner was fun with 4 cameras around the table. bl attempted one of the many things listed in kwan's guide to stupid stuff ( ie. Cover ur face with ur bag when someone tries to take a photo of u) while i was resigned to my fate of having candid pics taken while eating. Gillian shocked us with her voracious appetite for beef, finishing one plate by herself and then went to get another plate. We finished around 13 plates of food too, though this time we had twice the no. of ppl compared to tht time at seoul garden. After the meal, we went on another long hike (for digestion purposes) to get to esplanade to take pictures. At esplanade, mingjie unfortunately conducted an experiment to find out the depth of the small pool at the entrance. Tht aside, we managed to get a few good pics in esplanade and on esplanade bridge (esp the one on the bridge) b4 realising that it was close to 10 and the NYBH ppl had to go back to their hostel. Was a really enjoyable outing and as SL, i must say tht i had fun throughout the year working with u all and even if i'm given the chance to choose again, i'll be with u all as a section. Percussion unite!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
不做考虑也没半点犹豫
我就说了这一句我等你
你眼中闪过了一些压抑
更多的是怀疑
所以你可以离去
不相信你还会回心转意
是我任性才决定要等你
我眼中的泪没掉过一滴
只是随你背影
慢慢倒流进心里（底）
我等你
半年为期
逾期就狠狠把你忘记
不只是伤心的还包括一切甜蜜 (你应该已经和他公开在一起)
要等你
要证明自己我可以纵容你在心里
也可以当你只是路过的人而已
[光良- 我等你]
只怕自己不够狠心.....
Comm outing
Yay.. The CO comm finally had their first outing yest..... after the handover.. lol.. Went down to Seoul Garden at Taka where zj and kwan treated the rest of us... Thanks a lot! Entertainment during lunch was provided mainly by kwan and her camera phobic-ness. While trying to prevent stupid pics of her to be taken, little did she realise that taking a pic with a bag in front of ur face ain't exactly clever too... Yixuan, on the other hand, was being the perfect gentleman, peeling prawns for the girls. zj, marcus, weixiong and me couldn't care as much and were busily gobbling up food in front of us. Our table finished a grand total of 13 plates of food, far more than the other 2 tables, i dare say... After the meal, took a few group photos b4 heading down to heeren to take neoprints. Old habits die hard, we almost got into a comm meeting oustide the shop to discuss and decide which machine to use.. lol, when we finally reached a decision, we had to squeeze 13 ppl into the machine. Tht's the easy part... the hard part is to fit 13 ppl's faces onto the neoprint. bleah.. but we did it in the end...though some of them didn't really turn out too good. When we left the machine, the temp was considerably higher. lol, we are hot... Shuyu and Khoo were given the job of designing the prints and weixiong got sabo-ed in nearly all of them. Finally, each of us took a print back and the outing ended after that. Comm rocks!
我就说了这一句我等你
你眼中闪过了一些压抑
更多的是怀疑
所以你可以离去
不相信你还会回心转意
是我任性才决定要等你
我眼中的泪没掉过一滴
只是随你背影
慢慢倒流进心里（底）
我等你
半年为期
逾期就狠狠把你忘记
不只是伤心的还包括一切甜蜜 (你应该已经和他公开在一起)
要等你
要证明自己我可以纵容你在心里
也可以当你只是路过的人而已
[光良- 我等你]
只怕自己不够狠心.....
Comm outing
Yay.. The CO comm finally had their first outing yest..... after the handover.. lol.. Went down to Seoul Garden at Taka where zj and kwan treated the rest of us... Thanks a lot! Entertainment during lunch was provided mainly by kwan and her camera phobic-ness. While trying to prevent stupid pics of her to be taken, little did she realise that taking a pic with a bag in front of ur face ain't exactly clever too... Yixuan, on the other hand, was being the perfect gentleman, peeling prawns for the girls. zj, marcus, weixiong and me couldn't care as much and were busily gobbling up food in front of us. Our table finished a grand total of 13 plates of food, far more than the other 2 tables, i dare say... After the meal, took a few group photos b4 heading down to heeren to take neoprints. Old habits die hard, we almost got into a comm meeting oustide the shop to discuss and decide which machine to use.. lol, when we finally reached a decision, we had to squeeze 13 ppl into the machine. Tht's the easy part... the hard part is to fit 13 ppl's faces onto the neoprint. bleah.. but we did it in the end...though some of them didn't really turn out too good. When we left the machine, the temp was considerably higher. lol, we are hot... Shuyu and Khoo were given the job of designing the prints and weixiong got sabo-ed in nearly all of them. Finally, each of us took a print back and the outing ended after that. Comm rocks!
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