Having mixed feelings over a decision 5 years ago isn't good at all.....

Perhaps joining RI was a mistake and it just snowballed throughout the years into something that is part of me that no one would understand, no one can help and it would ultimately be the thing that breaks me down....
Yes...RI has made me a better person, i've found wonderful friends, teachers, memories, but perhaps i just do not belong among the elitist...

I deleted the post I was writing after reading xl's blog entry. I was numbed at first, and upon reflection, i tot that for the first time, i was actually unreasonable... Though after clarifying with kevin, found out that xl was referring to smth else but still can't help feel guilty that perhaps it started with me. Sorry rich, if i offended u in any way with my reluctance to have lunch at 3 and just slipping off with the excuse that i'm too tired...

As for why i slipped off, I can't really explain why, but when i sat down at S11, I had this sudden onrush of thoughts that left me unsettled and thinking even as I'm writing now. I just felt that i needed some personal breathing space. Met the co peeps by chance at S11 and tht took my mind off the issue for a while but it hit me again once i reached home and xl's post just adds on to it and i guess i've been thinking bout it for more than 3 hours already....

Random reflections that came into my mind during the 3 hours

Realised that I am hard to understand. Ppl actually take a long time to know me. Ppl tht i care for, i value their every comment and opinion but for ppl who i do not care for, i dun give a damn bout what they think or say.

If anyone would recall 4 years 8 months ago, when we just stepped into RI, our form teacher then, Mr Jerry Ang talked to us on our path in RI. It was one speech that I would never forget. He said "Friends are people that you can call at 2am in the morning, say its a emergency, and without a word, they would be over rite away."

"Everyone has problems" but not everyone has problems that are universally understood.

I try to deceive myself that if i think and say i'm okay, I will be okay and if i could deceive myself for the entire life, i would do so. That would prevent me from breaking down forever then.

Anything i say is always half-true

Finally, this entry is totally incoherent.... and it is not my fault....

Time flies....That's an understatement...

The song playing on my blog previously was boyzone's We Are One, wonders if anyone recognises the song? Anw, been asking around, but no one seems to have heard of Mariah Carey's Can't take that away...First time I've heard it was P5 or P6 i think, so can't blame u all for not remembering such an old song? Anw, here it is....without the last 5 secs of the song though..so if anyone have the full version, pls send me.... If anyone can sing half like her, u'll win superstar hands down....And the lyrics:

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

CHORUS:
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See
I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade

'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me

No...
They can't take this
Precious love
I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go

They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But I won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach

Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me

[Mariah Carey- Can't Take That Away]

Dedicated to all chasing their dreams out there, dun let anyone get you down, dun let any obstacle stop u, dun stop believing in ur dreams and fairytales. Others can choose to forget, can choose to eradicate a memory or even deny your existence, but as long as you stand firm with your beliefs...what others say or do becomes inconsequential...

Even when you have forgotten, i will still remember....for you.... and no one can take that away from me.....

The National Day Rally is on national TV. I'm stuck in the study room cos of written report deadline and mock chem SPA tmr, EoM deadline, Physics lec test and mock SPA on Tues and maths tutorial test on Fri. The opp. cost of not being apathetic to the political scene is just way too high... yeah...what's to blame? If u guessed SPA and PW, you are absolutely rite...

童话就是我们遗失的美好...

Fairytales are forever, they never end.....

In everyone's heart, there is always a fairytale. Fairytales act as motivation for us, they provide the driving force for us to press on even when the odds are stacked against us.

我愿变成童话里，
你爱的那个天使，
张开双手变成翅膀守护你。

They make us do crazy things, irrationale things.... but the ultimate truth is without them, we would break down. Fairytales, as its name suggest, would perhaps never be a reality, but that does not stop us from believing in them, working towards them.

是不是我又做错了什么，
你哭着对我说，
童话里都是骗人的，
我不可能是你的王子...

The real world is a far cry from fairytales. More often than not, things turn out the way you do not want them to be. However, what is important would be the strength of your belief, would you hold on to ur fairytale？...

但我相信你给我的誓言，
就像一定会来的春天。
我始终带着你爱的微笑，
一路上寻找我遗失的美好...

For me, I'll hold on to my fairytale at all costs. However, by doing so, there is always a danger- that you may miss out on a fairytale while waiting for the other to happen.

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会，
我还傻傻等待奇迹出现的那一天

虽然心中的童话已被残酷的事实破灭，但它还是完好无损地保留在我心灵中。

我还是希望，期待，等待着
童话的出现...

You scored as Sagittarius. You get along best with the sign of Sagittarius. Although Sagittarians can be difficult, or argumentative, they are very enthuastic and optimistic by nature as well. Sagittarians have a strong affinity and interest in matters conserning philosophy and truth. Sagittarians always strive to find new ideas, and higher levels of thinking. They like to roam from place to place in search of adventure. They are wise beyond their years. Sagittarius 85% Virgo 75% Libra 75% Pisces 70% Aquarius 70% Taurus 65% Capricorn 65% Scorpio 55% Cancer 55% Gemini 50% Aries 45% Leo 20% What sign of the Zodiac are you meant for? created with QuizFarm.com

Saw this quiz on shan's blog so went to do. I normally dun post quizs but this one hits the nail on the head at the first try... if u ppl dun knoe yet, i'm a Sagittarian... lol, difficult and argumentative....really? but i like the last line- wise beyond their years:)

Just watched Signs on Channel 5, extremely thought provoking. For those who didn't know, Signs was directed by the same guy who directed Sixth Sense and The Village and his trademark is the unique twist to the storyline near the end of the movie. So, back to the movie, are there really conincidences? Or are they signs, omens created by a certain someone to help us achieve miracles? My answer- I'll keep my faith....