breaking dawn

"
Heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat - not a burning.

It was a glowing.

Everything inside of me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was - my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self - disconnected from me in that second - snip snip snip - and floated up into space.

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing - to the very center of the universe.

I could see that now - how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.

It was........
"
excruciatingly exquisite


Slowly but surely, the shadow of chuck palahniuk is edging out of this place. Receding, fading. No more sadistic humour, in-your-face kindof writing. Maybe it's a good sign, that my writer's block is getting unblocked and I would no longer find the need to express myself through the premeditated words of others. It's a long shot but still a start is a start.

Insomnia

I never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love
But it grew from a simple crush, crush, crush, crush
Being without you girl, I was all messed up, up, up, up
When you walked out, said that you'd had enough-nough-nough-nough

Been a fool, girl I know
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time, you'll change your mind
Now looking back i wish i could rewind

Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
Oh i stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Remember telling my boys that I'd never fall in love, love, love, love
You used to think I'd never find a girl I could trust, trust, trust, trust
And then you walked into my life and it was all about us, us, us, us
But now I'm sitting here thinking I messed the whole thing up, up, up, up

Been a fool (fool), girl I know (know)
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time (time), you'll change your mind (mind)
Now looking back i wish i could rewind

Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before (Because it)
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah (Ah), Feels like insomnia ah ah

Ah, i just can't go to sleep
Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep
And i know that it's love because

I can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

not my usual genre, but oh well, it's engine camp mass dance song, and it's kinda nice as well.... The korean's version pretty good too.

Engine camp was.... crazy... haha... Had a damn zai and crazy OGL that by the end of day 1, the "high-ness" of the group was probably the same what i'll manage to get after 2 full days of "rah-rah"-ing in my previous camps (ie. campfire mode) Oh well... which makes me wonder if i should take an assignment or 2 b4 sch starts in Aug. Miss the kids calling you "cher" and their whining and all that. Haha. Anw, engine camp is so appropriately defined by its mass dance song lar, we had like 3-4 hours of sleep for all 3 nights lar, really insomnia...

Been thinking... going for camps always resets the perspective, because it's so intense, because it forces your mind off pressing issues. The second verse is way too appropriate. The worst kind of helplessness is when you can't protect your loved ones from hurt because you know that every single step you take towards doing so hurts them even more. sheesh.. i'm reading too much stephenie meyer's o_0

all i ask of you

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
my words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you...

CHRISTINE
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime...
Say you need me with you now and always...
Promise me that all you say is true
that's all I ask of you

RAOUL
Let me be your shelter
let me be your light
You're safe, No one will find you
your fears are far behind you...

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night
and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me...

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with me
one love, one lifetime
let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you...
anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you...

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
say the word and I will follow you...
Share each day with me,
each night, each morning...
Say you love me...

RAOUL
You know I do...

BOTH
Love me - that's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go let me go too
Love me - that's all I ask of you...

instrumental version.... violin by sarah chang and cello by julian webber. The melody's still haunting me since RJCO concert...

A Dis-concert-ingly Concert-ed Effort

okay... lame title... RJCO concert last sat. *claps* First Alumni CO performance also *claps*

Disconcerting is cos of the lack of time, space and proper acoustics at the PAC.

Concerted is cos of the attitude and passion that pushed through the obstacles present.

Nevermind the concert went over the time limit by 40 minutes. Nevermind some of the pieces weren't play to perfection.

They all don't matter.

It's the spirit that counts. And for that, I can say that I damn well proud of my juniors.

The alumni finally materializing is an added joy, so infinite thanks to all who made it possible.

Cheerios.

coming to light...

"Sometimes you get the read right and still do the wrong thing."
"Why? Because you can't trust other people?"
"No, because you can't trust yourself."