Friday the..... fourteenth

"
he's saying that human beings need to accept the wild animal side of their nature. We need some way to exhaust our fight-or-flight reflexes. Those skills we learned over the past thousand generations. If we ignore our need to hurt and get hurt, if we deny that need and let it pile up, that's when we get wars. Serial killers. School shootings.


"You're saying we have wars, because we have a low threshold for boredom?


"We have wars because we deny that low threshold."
"

"

"Listen to yourselves, you're so busy telling your stories to each other . You're slways turning the past into a story to make yourselves right."

What Sister Vigilante would call our culture of blame.

It never changes, he says. The other group he brought here, it ended the same way. People fall so in love with their pain, they can't leave it behind. Tha same as the stories they tell. We trap ourselves.

Some stories, you tell them and you use them up. Other stories.... and Whittier gestures to our skin and bones.

"Telling a story is how we digest what happens to us. It's how we digest our lives. Our experience."

"You digest and absorb your life by turning it into stories. The same way this theater seems to digest people." With one hand, he points to a carpet stain, the dark stain sticky and growing mold, branched with arms and legs.

Other events - the ones you can't digest - they posison you. Those worst parts of your life, those moments you can't talk about, they rot you from the inside out. Until you're Cassandra's wet shadow on the ground. Sunk in your own yellow protein mud.

But the stories you can digest, that you can tell - you can take control of those past moments. You can shape them, craft them. Master them . And use them to your own good.

These stories are as important as food.

Those are stories you can use to make people laugh or cry or sick. Or scared. To make people feel the way you felt. To help exhaust that past moment for them and for you. Until that moment is dead. Consumed. Digested. Absorbed.

It's how we can eat all the shit that happens.

"

Excerpts from Haunted

For others, it's friday the thriteenth, but just for me alone, it's friday the fourteenth.....

Chuck's right, the only stories you can't tell are those that doesn't exemplify your pain or glory, or... those that are painfully incomplete without an ending.

Since we are onto stories, here's a love story


Was struck by this song on the radio, one of those songs that would make you stop and listen. Found it very familiar, took abit of recalling to remember that i heard it played by a band at YGH at J8 a week ago...

Liverpool 4 Man Utd 1

For memory and keepsake =)

Strawberry Ice Cream =)

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love [x7]

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally [x2]

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

[Counting Crows - Accidentally in Love]

Yay! This song is my favorite now cos of the strawberry ice cream in it =P haha...... Taken from the OST of shrek 2.... this song is amazingly infectious.... lol

Regret

" "Mr Whittier was right," says Mrs Clark, looking around. "We do create the drama that fills up our life."

Mrs. Clark says, Sometimes it seems that we spend the first half of our lives looking for some disaster. And she looks down at her straight-out chest - a look made almost impossible by her enhanced lips. As young people, she says, we want something to slow us down and keep us trapped in one place long enough to look below the surface of the world. That disaster is a car crash or a war. To make us sit still. It can be getting cancer or pregnant. The important part is how it seems to catch us by surprise. That disaster stops us from living the life we'd planned as children - a life of constant dashing around.

"We still create the drama and pain we need." says Mrs Clark. "but this first disaster is a vaccinationm, an inoculation."

Your whole life, she says, you're searching for disaster - you're auditioning disasters - so that you'll be well rehearsed when the ultimate disaster finallly arrives.

"For when you die," Mrs. Clark says.

That's her theory. The Mrs. Clark extension to the theory of Mr Whittier.

We have pain and hate and love and joy and war in the world because we want them. And we want all that drama to prepare us for the test of facing death, someday. "

" Mrs Clark says, sometimes when the police find a shallow grave or the dumped body of a murder victim, the detective will hide a microphone there. It's standard procedure.

She nods at the Earl of Slander, at the tape recorder in his pocket.

The police will hide nearby, and listen for days and weeks. Because almost always the killer will come back and talk to the victim. Pretty much always. We need to tell the story of our life to someone, and the killer can only discuss his crime with a person who won't punish him. His prey.

Even a killer needs to talk, to tell his life story, so bad he'll come and sit beside a grave or a rotting body and just blab, blab, blab at it for hours. Until he makes sense. Until the killer can convince himself with the story of his new reality. The reality that - he was right.

That's why the police wait."

" This is all a flashback now, but it was Nelson who'd looked at their savings account. It was him who said the only way they could afford to have a baby is by making an adult video.

"One day," Mrs. Clark says, "this will happen to you, and in just that one second your life will feel about one hundred years too long..."

On their fifth day of lying in bed, they'd swear they'd been alive forever. Lying in bed day after day is probably how it feels to be a vampire. Imagine being alive for thousands of years and you keep making the same stupid mistake. Just for thousands of years you keep going to bars and clubs and you think you're having a great time. You imagine you're the centre of attention. you have a husband you think is handsome. You think you're both such enitrely hot shit.

The Clarks thought a lot of couples got rich by making adult movies. The home-video industry is only popular because video porn created the demand. Couples all except them were making extra money in their spare time. Other married couples weren't just wasting their sex, unwatched, unappreciated by strangers. First, they'd rent a camera and the editing deck. They's find a distributor for the movie. Since they were married, Nelson said, it wouldn't even be a sin.

Now it doesn't make sense to get out of bed and erase the videotape. That would be like breaking a mirror for showing you the truth. Like killing the bearer of bad news.

"Just laying in bed day after day," Mrs Clark says, "you realize it's not the wooden stakes that kills vampires." It's all the emotional baggage and letdowns they have to carry around for century after century.

You want to think you're getting funnier and smarter all the time. As long as you're making an effort, you're headed for that Big Win. That's how you'd feel as a vampire for maybe the first couple hundred years. After that, all you have is the same failed relationship multiplied by two hundred.

So what."

Excerpts from Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk

Mado no soto no keshiki utsurikawatte
The scenery outside the window changes with time

Kisetsu made ga atashi wo oiteku
Even the season are leaving me behind

Dare yori chikaku ni ite fuan no tane ni
Closer to you than anyone else because of my insecurity

Doushite ano toki kizukenakatta?
Why didn't I realize it at that time?


Anata no sugata ga mienakunaru mae ni
Your figure slipped out of sight before me

Tatta no tatta ichigon [ikanai de] ga ienakatta
I didn't say the only, single thing I wanted to "Don't leave me."


Anata ga shiawase nara sorede ii nante zettai ni ienai
I can never say "If you're happy, then it's all right,"

Neji magatta konna kokoro ga doushiyou mo nai kurai atashi ha kirai
A twisted, crooked heart like this; I hate it so much I don't know what to do

Tanjoubi ni moratta inisharuringu
The initial ring I received on my birthday

Omoidaseba tsurai dake nano ni
Remembering only makes me painful but

Imasara wakatta no ha omou ijou ni
What I finally realized is that I relied

Anata wo hitsuyou to shiteta koto
On you more than I thought


Futari de kizuita jikan sae kowasu youni
As if to even destroy the times spent together

Kokoto to urahara ni detekita kotoba ajiki nai sayonara
The words that came out contrary to my heart was a good-bye in vain


Anata ga sugoku koukai suru sonna hi ga kuru koto nozonderu
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come

Ijiwaru de minikui kokoro ga kinou yori mo motto atashi ha kirai
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday


Anata ga shiawase nara sorede ii nante zettai ni ienai
I can never say that it's fine as long as you're happy

Neji magatta konna kokoro ga doushiyou mo nai kurai atashi ha kirai
I can't help but to hate this twisted heart

Anata ga sugoku koukai suru sonna hi ga kuru koto nozonderu
I'm wishing that a day when you'll greatly regret will come

Ijiwaru de minikui kokoro ga kinou yori mo motto atashi ha kirai
I hate this mean and ugly heart more than yesterday

[Regret - Hoshimura Mai]

I can never say that it's fine as long as you're happy.....




I wish i could say that... at that that would mean that i'm still normal... But it's not about me, my mind screams... I hate to admit this, but i guess i really don't know you anymore. 为什么让你快乐地笑，伤心地哭的人不是我？... I'm passed that stage alr i guess. It seems like the only way to contribute to your happiness would be through my insignificance. Every ounce of logic in me tells me it's all you, and even if you choose to torch this heart inside out, you have every single fucking right to do so.... and i'll continue to be that insignificant me.... So i guess that's it? There's nothing left for me to say. This is the end i guess. Welcome to reality...

Running on empty....

i decided that my posts now will include a title! okay... at least for this post... haha... completed newton active run (10km) this morning in 1hr exactly. Not exactly a fantastic timing, not even near the guards passing standard of 50mins lar... lolz.. however, considering what i've been doing the past few days, it's certainly an achievement that i managed to even finish it. let's start on fri, fri was umay's bday celebration at orchard hotel, hotel buffet... so yah, stuffed loads into the stomach. Then I had to prepare tuition stuff when i got home and plus some random surfing here and there, i ended up sleeping at 3+am and waking up at 7am to a full day of activities. Tuition from 9-11++ (differentiation is so hard to teach o_0) went down to bishan for lunch, then alumni prac from 2-5 then bl's bday celebration thingy (steamboat, stuffed my stomach again) till late at night. Then after i got home, had to prepare tuition stuff again, so slept at 3+am once again and woke up at 6.30am this morning to run 10km at 7.30am... crazy stuff... I'm very sure i'll never try running after 2 nights of 3+4hrs sleep per day with 1 buffet+1 steamboat somemore again. Like NEVER.... lolz... which reminds me, i should go sleep like asap, b4 i become some zombie o_0

oh... i refuse to change the background song... so nice.... ---> okay... that means i know that it has been there for long and will change it SOON ... okay... but tht aside, it's really very nice, even nicer when u are playing it on guitar or piano.....