Taken from Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk.. Mind-blowing Stuff...

The tears were really coming now, and one fat stripe rolled along the barrel of the gun and down the loop around the trigger to burst flat against my index finger. Raymond Hessel closed both eyes so I pressed the gun hard against his temple so he would always feel it pressing right there and I was beside him and this was his life and he could be dead at any moment. > > This wasn’t a cheap gun, and I wondered if salt might fuck it up. > > Everything had gone so easy, I wondered. I’d done everything the mechanic said to do. This was why we needed to buy a gun. This was doing my homework. > > We each had to bring Tyler twelve driver’s licenses. This would prove we each made twelve human sacrifices. > > I parked tonight, and I waited around the block for Raymond Hessel to finish his shift at the all-night Korner Mart, and around midnight he was waiting for a night owl bus when I finally walked up and said, hello. > > Raymond Hessel, Raymond didn’t say anything. Probably he figured I was after his money, his minimum wage, the fourteen dollars in his wallet. Oh, Raymond Hessel, all twenty-three years of you, when you started crying, tears rolling down the barrel of my gun pressed to your temple, no, this wasn’t about money. Not everything is about money. > > You didn’t even say, hello. > > You’re not your sad little wallet. > > I said, nice night, cold but clear. > > You didn’t even say, hello. > > I said, don’t run, or I’ll have to shoot you in the back. I had the gun out, and I was wearing a latex glove so if the gun ever became a people’s exhibit A, there’d be nothing on it except the dried tears of Raymond Hessel, Caucasian, aged twenty-three with no distinguishing marks. > > Then I had your attention. Your eyes were big enough that even in the streetlight I could see they were antifreeze green. > > You were jerking backward and backward a little more every time the gun touched your face, as if the barrel was too hot or too cold. Until I said, don’t step back, and then you let the gun touch you, but even then you rolled your head up and away from the barrel. > > You gave me your wallet like I asked. > > Your name was Raymond K. Hessel on your driver’s license. You live at 1320 SE Benning, apartment A. That had to be a basement apartment. They usually give basement apartments letters instead of numbers. > > Raymond K. K. K. K. K. K. Hessel, I was talking to you. > > Your head rolled up and away from the gun, and you said, yeah. You said, yes, you lived in a basement. > > You had some pictures in the wallet, too. There was your mother. > > This was a tough one for you, you’d have to open your eyes and see the picture of Mom and Dad smiling and see the gun at the same time, but you did, and then your eyes closed and you started to cry. > > You were going to cool, the amazing miracle of death. One minute, you’re a person, the next minute, you’re an object, and Mom and Dad would have to call old doctor whoever and get your dental records because there wouldn’t be much left of your face, and Mom and Dad, they’d always expected so much more from you and no, life wasn’t fair, and now it was come to this. > > Fourteen dollars. > > This, I said, is this your mom? > > Yeah. You were crying, sniffing, crying. You swallowed. Yeah. > > You had a library card. You had a video movie rental card. A social security card. Fourteen dollars cash. I wanted to take the bus pass, but the mechanic said to only take the driver’s license. An expired community college student card. > > You used to study something. > > You’d worked up a pretty intense cry at this point so I pressed the gun a little harder against your cheek, and you started to step back until I said, don’t move or you’re dead right here. Now, what did you study? > > Where? > > In college, I said. You have a student card. > > Oh, you didn’t know, sob, swallow, sniff, stuff, biology. > > Listen, now, you’re going to die, Ray-mond K. K. K. Hessel, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. So lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. I don’t give a shit. I have the gun. > > Finally, you were listening and coming out of the little tragedy in your head. > > Fill in the blank. What does Raymond Hessel want to be when he grows up? > > Go home, you said you just wanted to go home, please. > > No shit, I said. But after that, how did you want to spend your life? If you could do anything in the world. > > Make something up. > > You didn’t know. > > Then you’re dead right now, I said. I said, now turn your head. > > Death to commence in ten, in nine, in eight. > > A vet, you said. You want to be a vet, a veterinarian. > > That means animals. You have to go to school for that. > > It means too much school, you said. > > You could be in school working your ass off, Raymond Hessel, or you could be dead. You choose. I stuffed your wallet into the back pocket of your jeans. So you really wanted to be an animal doctor. I took the saltwater muzzle of the gun off one cheek and pressed it against theother. Is that what you’ve always wanted to be, Dr. Raymond K. K. K. K. Hessel, a veterinarian? > > Yeah. > > No shit? > > No. No, you meant, yeah, no shit. Yeah. > > Okay, I said, and I pressed the wet end of the muzzle to the tip of your chin, and then the tip of your nose, and everywhere I pressed the muzzle, it left a shining wet ring of your tears. > > So, I said, go back to school. If you wake up tomorrow morning, you find a way to get back into school. > > I pressed the wet end of the gun on each cheek, and then on your chin, and then against your forehead and left the muzzle pressed there. You might as well be dead right now, I said. > > I have your license. > > I know who you are. I know where youlive. I’m keeping your license, and I’m going to check on you, mister Raymond K. Hessel. In three months, and then in six months, and then in a year, and if you aren’t back in school on your way to being a veterinarian, you will be dead. > > You didn’t say anything. > > Get out of here, and do your little life, but remember I’m watching you, Raymond Hessel, and I’d rather kill you than see you working a shit job for just enough money to buy cheese and watch television. > > Now, I’m going to walk away so don’t turn around. > > This is what Tyler wants me to do. > > These are Tyler’s words coming out of my mouth. > > I am Tyler’s mouth. > > I am Tyler’s hands. > > Everybody in Project Mayhem is part of Tyler Durden, and vice versa. > > Raymond K. K. Hessel, your dinner is going to taste better than any meal you’ve ever eaten, and tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your entire life.

hmm... I dunno what got into me... I'm planning duties and NDP for my coy specs and somehow I end up burning away all my weekends. I dunno whether it's intentional on my part but let's just say that I know what it entails when I did the planning.... "the ultimate conspirator does not respond to circumstances, he creates and manipulates them"

The charges are in place, sir. Anytime on your command, we'll blow this place into smithereens....

烫金的滚边墨绿的绒面
对称的折线贴紧中间的圆
搁置在角边不怎麽显眼
却让我惊艳气质的特别

看了一眼又看了一眼
总是不能忘记那一种感觉
转过一圈再转过一圈
终於还是回到玻璃橱窗前

电话的那边啜泣与哽咽
情感在翻飞逃不过伤悲
握在手里面话已到嘴边
静默又吞灭最后一丝机会

看了一眼又看了一眼
总是不能忘记那一种感觉
转过一圈再转过一圈
终於还是回到玻璃橱窗前

想把手上这个蝴蝶结
亲自送到你的面前
别在秀发间然而现在这个蝴蝶结
却静静躺在心灵的深渊再也不会
别在你鹅黄衣领边

烫金的滚边墨绿的绒面
旋转在高点格外的凄美
对称的折线贴紧中间的圆
急遽的下跌来不及反悔

[张雨生 - 蝴蝶结]

A classic... and yes, it's sung by a guy...

Been watching 太王四神记 in camp... initially tot it would another draggy korean drama but it turned out otherwise with fantastic music and directing... And yah, i just found out tht the composer for the soundtrack is joe hisaishi! omg... little wonder why the music is so captivating..... And a final add-on factor for guys, 秀芝妮 (one of the female leads) in the show is absolutely endearing...

VES... I dunno wat made me sign it so promptly and opened the floodgates for the other 8 of them to sign as well... Makes me wonder if i tore that piece of paper up, would it have made at least a good half of them reconsidering signing? haiz... Till now, i'm still grappling to rationalise that split second decision i made. Was it to prove a point? To escape? Or was it just some random divine intervention? I think only time can answer these qns...

Slipping into a more and more passive mode, would rather let the situations themselves guide me and show me the way than to impose my own methods to achieve the desired outcomes. Back in company for 2 weeks alr and all i can say is that it's totally different now, dynamics are getting a little complicated. There is a strained harmony which i know would snap sometime in the future, and yet I'm apathetic... Why? Tht's a qn i haven't figured out either...

Driving an open top vehicle with a helmet on public road and then taking it into cross country terrain and even close terrain pretty much zapped most of my mental energy for the entire of this week. Surprisingly, it has provided me with an almost lucid perspective of everything. Like in J R Rowling's speech on jen han's blog, the benefits of failure is that it strips away everything that is of peripheral importance and forces you to invest energy in stuff that are actually important. Similarly, hearing the "i need to sleep" in your head for an entire week gives a total different outlook on your civillian life when you book out....

finally something to justify the blogskin...

那阳光碎裂在熟悉场景好安静
一个人能背多少的往事真不轻
谁的笑谁的温暖的手心我着迷
伤痕好像都变成了曾经

全剧终看见满场空座椅灯亮起
这故事好像真实又象虚幻的情境
只是那好不容易被说服的自己
藉口又顶不住懊恼的侵袭

好后悔好伤心想重来行不行
再一次我就不会走向这样的结局
好后悔好伤心谁把我放回去
我愿意付出所有来换一个时光机

对不起独自回荡在空气没人听
最后又是孤单到天明
(最后又是孤单到天明)

真的痛总是来的很轻盈没声音
从背后慢慢缓缓抱着我就像你
你和我还有很多的地方还没去
为何留我荒唐的坐在这里

ps:生活就是这样爱情不是想象

A crazy week just passed or let's just say a crazy 5 days... since i RTU-ed from driving course... barely clocked 15 hrs of rest in the past 5 days with 2 days of ATP, then one day of LSV driving and then guard duty on sat o_0 A walking zombie now and i'm booking in alr.... grr....

I dun know wat to write anymore, rather i dunno wat to do, wat to say, wat to think... For the very first time, I'm feeling completely helpless, and that the control over the situation has been wrenched out of my hands. Perhaps it's better this way... Perhaps....






The full version played during hide's memorial concert....