Woke up on wed with both my eyes burning and sore, went to see the MO who warded me in sick bay for 1 entire day intead of giving me Att C (hmph..) Didn't turn out too bad in the end, cos i managed to finish a library book that i wanted to finish reading b4 returning. The book was Timothy Keller's "The Reason for God". Pls refrain from giving me tht look yet, I'm not converting, I just though it would be good to see both sides of the argument after reading Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion" and Carl Sagan's "Pale Blue Dot". I must say after reading all three books, I am exposed to a little bit more of the vast expense of knowledge, issues that we need to grapple with, before we can actually decide on our faith, religion and philosophy. From such a vantage point, one would wonder how so many people in the world can live with knowing so little, yet holding on so much to their beliefs (i mean any kind of belief here) . I'll leave you with quotes from Timothy Keller's and Carl Sagan's books. (no richard dawkin's one cos i returned his book alr.. lol)

From Timothy Keller, quoting C.S. Lewis:

You can't, except in the lowest animal sense, be in love with a girl if you know (and keep on remembering) that all the beauties both of her person and of her character are a momentary and accidental pattern produced by the collision of atoms, and that your own response to them is only a sort of psychic phosphorescene arising from the behavior of your genes. You can't go on getting very serious pleasure from music if you know and remember that its air of signaficance is a pure illusion, that you like it only because your nervous system is irrationally conditioned to like it.

From Carl Sagan, ( I think this came out in Jen Han's blog b4, but yes, reading it in the book again myself, it is so intense that i think it's worth another publish)

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

Some insights from me (at least what i managed to convince myself of in the slew of arguments and counter-arguements i've read) - That what is desirable and injected with a high likelihood is not necessary true. If we are indeed a cosmic accident, a mere product of random chances and statistics, we should not despair and act with no moral considerations. Instead, we should have the courage to stand for ourselves and believe in ourselves that we can (if not we will debate, argue and try our very best to) make valid moral judgements....

Replay......


很多时候我因为怕受伤，所以就选择先放弃。
我更因为我太爱自由，所以明明渴望爱情，却依然不知怎样让别人进入我的世界。

难道，我不能给你百分百的信心吗？
你知道，我一直有多在乎你。

我珍惜这份安全感，却担心他的牺牲。
所以每天的感觉还是孤独的。
我还是需要一个人，一个人想一想。

冰箱结霜 咖啡滚烫 煮不好 最简单的早餐......
我的生活 是一团混乱 维持单身 感觉茫然......
喜不喜欢 习不习惯 我总是 说不出个答案......
一个人来 又一个人往 怎么让他 流连忘返......

我不想当笨蛋 我在墙上写满渴望......
我可以大哭一场 房间还是空空荡荡......
我绝对不逞强 该属于我任其自然......
可是我也要安全感..在某个适当程度的主张......
纵然是了解眼光 也是温暖

这段日子你真的过的好吗？
没有你的早晨，加了糖的咖啡，也是苦的。

当时我尊重你的要求，所以我离开。
但，这段日子你不开心，所以我就回来了。

也许，我连自己要什么我也不知道。
我一个人，游游荡荡。自由久了，也没有了目标。
梦里醒来，发现墙上已经不自觉写满了你的名字。

单身，是茫然。恋爱，也彷徨。我明白，
所以我用时间去证明了这颗心。不会因为你曾经的放弃而改变。

每个早上 都想赖床 没有梦 是最让人沮丧......
我的眼睛 盯着天花板 也跑不出 任何对象......

我不想当笨蛋 我在墙上写满渴望......
我可以大哭一场 房间还是空空荡荡......
我绝对不逞强 该属于我任其自然......
可是我也要安全感, 在某个适当程度的主张......
纵然是了解眼光也是温暖

难道我真的是个笨蛋？一直错过已经在身边的幸福。

我们只是用时间找到了我们需要什么。
时间让我们认识了自己，也肯定了对方。

因为你，让我知道真正的幸福是什么。

Went for RICO concert yest. A rather intriguing experience i would say. The flashbacks of memories when i was still learning the ropes of how to create music brought a sophisticated me stumbling back to earth. I mean, looking at them play, I would ask myself- why on earth do I inject so much meaning into every single note? Where did that happy-go-lucky-play-music-as-it-is carefree-ness go to?

And yes, the country rock classic i promised.....

Look into my eyes you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do I do it for you

Look into your heart you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do I do it for you

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time all the way

Oh you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do I do it for you

[Bryan Adams - Everything I do (I do it for you)]

When you don't flinch when you learn that you have to take over 3 guard duties for the rest of the month, plus you are rotating COS with 3 other newbies which you have to guide everyday and plus you are the first-name-come-to-mind ppl to arrow in the office, you know you are truly at the top of your game. But, When you are at the top of your game, you don't feel unsettled. I'm unsettled, and I'm pretty puzzled by it. And if you know the me I am now, you'll know that I 'll have formulated a logical and systematic analysis of the situation complete with all the possible courses of action and sieved out the one that appeal to me the most. So what's unsettling i think, is the ultimate lack of purpose, however perverted the purpose may be. Just as I watch Operation FBB(codename) from the sidelines and I wonder to myself what could possibly drive normal rational people to such insane, illogical state where senseless stuff are dished out in an almost routine-like manner, I see an inexorable sense of purpose develop in both the victims and the power figures. The victims, understandably, develop this sense of purpose out of survival to try to overcome the avalanche of adversity. The power figures on the other hand, are the tricky ones, because their sense of purpose comes from this fuzzy moral high ground they claim they are on, which was why i annotated sense of purpose with a "however perverted it may be". It's a slippery slope, the argument of needing evil as great to bring out good even greater. It's the sacred word "sacrifice" that justifies their conscience - the thinking that inflicting "false evil" would "stimulate" the growth of good and that they are indeed being "selfless and compassionate" when they commit acts that they would normally condemn. I have diverted from the main topic but i'll just continue. However, we are all human. Who are we to deliberately inflict pain and fear to another human being in the name of good. I mean, I can understand it when law is used to punished a criminal. A human being committed an act that was contrary to what is deemed as good moral by the general public, we inflict pain and fear to make him learn. But when a human being does no such thing, who are we to say that a simulated environment of pain and fear would be beneficial to him because he would learn to toughen and steel himself. The conscience that would readily reject such fallacious argument is being seduced by the "sacrifice logic" and egged on by authoritative stamp of the organisation. To think that the exact same ppl who would find such an argument laughable a few years ago can now thoroughly convince themselves to believe in it. It's scary. We humans have a weakness for greatness - we all want to be great, to be like the hero in the movie, the sacrificer who readily gives himself up to save others and then bask in eternal glory. This want, desire, hunger, is not by nature bad. It is, actually, the inspiration for progress, the creator of many brave and wonderful souls out there doing miraculous stuff. But before we set off to do something great, let us not use our heart to think. Let the brain do its job.

Okay.. back to my lack of purpose. Sorry, got carried away in the above para. So my course of action, find purpose. Yah, so I've found my purpose - to analyse and break down whatever probs i have with the organisation just like in above and in doing so, finding the peace that I need so much.

hmm... i grudgingly admit that there are some nice songs in English pop... haha... but country rock classics are still the best! wait for my next installment...

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

“The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed” [Definitely, Maybe]

It's stuff like this that keeps me going...

I'm blogging from camp, after watching sg lose the table-tennis finals. let me just add that the commentator was really irritating and seemingly oblivious to his own brand of cold humour. It was THE highlight of the match really... Been neglecting the blog for the past week though i was on off. NDP weekend was totally burned though with COS on sun after sat's NDP. Not that there's nothing to blog about but i just can't (bother) find the context to blog it. Blame it on my lousy language skills if you want, however, there's not much left after 22 months in the organisation.

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

[CHORUS:]
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

[Repeat chorus twice]

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

[Repeat chorus]

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

One of those songs that just makes u wanna sing/hum along whenever you hear it...