Yesterday after the bbq at shawn's house, waited 50 mins for bus 14 to come and bring me to Tanah Merah MRT. Considering the efficiency of sg's transport system, 50 mins is like wtf, esp when the govt just emphasized the need for higher standards of service. In any case, I gained a few insights from the process of waiting, so perhaps the 50 mins of waiting was worth it after all.

Waiting, defined generally, means to put certain aspects of one's life on hold till a certain event occurs. Waiting for a bus is probably one of the more trivial type of waiting that one would experience in a lifetime, but it has implications that many of us never actually thought about. 2 of which i just thought of below.

First, why wait? Reasons generally fall under 2 catergories. 1) The event is highly likely to happen. 2) The event is highly unlikely to happen. The former is probably justified waiting, waiting that can justify itself. Like waiting for a bus or a plate of food at the hawker centre, they are justified as most of the times the event that you want occurs. In the latter case, it is more tricky, as waiting has to be justified by more than just the rewards of the event happening. The reasons then can be divided into voluntary and involuntary ones. In the involuntary case. waiting is not a choice as the event happening is the only way out. In the voluntary case, waiting is justified by a strong personal preference for the event over any others.

Secondly, is there a limit to waiting? More often than not, when we look at limit and waiting, we think of time. "The most i'll wait is 2 hrs" However, the idea that we can switch from waiting to not waiting mode instantaneously is rather absurd. Consider waitng for a bus. One can set a limit and say i'll wait for 30 mins. After 30 mins, u look for a taxi. Just when u were about to flag the taxi, u see the bus arriving. Would you then say, "nope, 30mins up, i'll take the taxi" ? The reason by which one would wait must be that taking the bus is much more favourable than taking a taxi. Hence, in a case where both are present, the bus is the natural choice, but due to other constraints, like needing to get to a place by a certain time, we might choose the alternative after 30 mins. Therefore, the conclusion we can draw is that time is measure of the ability to wait, not of the desire to. We never do give up on waiting, we only run out of time to be able to wait...

Boa's Waiting playing in the bg. It's national day today. Happy birthday Singapore! National Day celebrations yest were kinda sucky, but i guess it's still better than the NUS ppl doing flag day....

Hsinghai concert was yest, a timely reminder of how odd life has been without CO. The music, the people, the passion... all starting to fade slowly into the background. Perhaps one day, we'll be back as the alumni CO reliving the music, the people, the passion... Till then, i'll be thankful for what has been and shed a tear for what could have been. On a sidenote, butterfly lovers concerto is really not suitable for pipa, i still prefer the 'string'(bowed) feel of the song.

MIT talk today. I'll let the stats speak for themselves. 100 out of 2500 international applicants make it into MIT each year and out of that 100, there is an average of 2 per year from Singapore. If that is not extreme enough, the 2 that are admitted are almost certain to hold medals in international olympaids or done high level research in research institutes. This translates to ggxx...

我知道这样 不好 也知道你的爱只能 那么少
我只有不停的要 要到你 想逃
泪湿的枕头晒干就好 眼泪在你的心里只是 无理取闹
以为在你身后 是我我一辈子的骄傲
原来你 什么都不想要

我不要你的呵护 你的玫瑰 只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 哪个女人对爱 不自私 不奢望
我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 最怕你把沉默 当做对我的回答

我知道这样 不好 也知道你的爱只能 那么少
我只有不停的要 要到你 想逃
泪湿的枕头晒干就好 眼泪在你的心里只是 无理取闹
以为在你身后 是我我一辈子的骄傲
原来你 什么都不想要

我不要你的呵护 你的玫瑰 只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 哪个女人对爱 不自私 不奢望
我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 最怕你把沉默 当做对我的回答

Oh~ 我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 哪个女人对爱 不自私 不奢望
我不要你的承诺 不要你的永远 只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好 贪心也好 最怕你把沉默 当做对我的回答

原来你 什么都不想要

[原来你什么都不想要 - 张惠妹]

too late... too little...

If u are convinced by the two videos by X japan and want more, here's the song that u should listen to. Now it seems as though i'm ks-ing jloh's post. lol... Pre-condition: Patience to wait for it to load and 1/2 hr just listening to it. A word of caution again, it's hard to digest on the first listening, esp the piano part, but yoshiki really redefined wat is meant by "playing with the piano" Toshi (lead singer) once commented that he has to be in a painful mood to sing X japan songs, but it is better to feel pain in reality than to live happily in delusion. Or is it?

[Art of life- X-japan]

Desert Rose
Why do you live alone
If you are sad
I'll make you leave this life
Are you white, blue or bloody red
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand

The winds of time
You knock me to the ground
I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away
I don't know how to set me free to live
My mind cries out feeling pain

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart
In the pain I'm waiting for you
Can't go back
No place to go back to
Life is lost, Flowers fall
If it's all dreams
Now wake me up
If it's all real
Just kill me

I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without saying any words
What I don't wanna lose is love

Through my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion's losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I'm shouting out loud
Insanity takes hold over me

Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within
"All existence you see before you
must be wiped out :
Dream, Reality, Memories,
and Yourself"

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind
Nobody can stop my turning to madness
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart
Why do you wanna raise these walls
I don't know the meaning of hatred
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies
I only want to hold your love

Stab the dolls filled with hate
Wash yourself with their blood
Drive into the raging current of time
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly
"the earth"
Shout and start creating confusion
Shed your blood for pleasure
And what? For love?
What am I supposed to do?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Past and future prison my heart
Time is blind
But I wanna trace my love
on the wall of time, over pain in my heart
Art of life
Insane blade stabbing dreams
Try to break all truth now
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain
Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life
Keep on crying

Close my eyes
Time breathes I can hear
All love and sadness
melt in my heart


Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my walls

You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so
You're painting your heart with your blood
You can't say "No"
Only turning the wheel of time
with a rope around your neck
You build a wall of morality and take a breath
from between the bricks
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them
You're trying to commit suicide
You're satisfied with your prologue
Now you're painting your first chapter black
You are putting the scraps of life together
and trying to make an asylum for yourself
You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage
and
You are trying to kill me

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live, Do I try to love
in my dream

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart
I just wanna let my emotions get out
Nobody can stop
I'm running to freedom
No matter how you try to hold me in your world
Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memory half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams

Close my eyes
Rose breathes I can hear
All love and sadness melt in my heart
Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my mind

Dreams can make me mad
I can't leave my dream
I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am
What lies are truth?
What truths are lies?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live? Do I try to love?

Art of life
An Eternal Bleeding heart
You never wanna breathe your last
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A Rose is breathing love
in my life

We won. The first and last championship title. 5 rounds of Swiss on sat and we qualified for the semis ranked 3rd. Come sunday, we whacked VJ 25-0 and HCI 24-6 to clinch top spot. Thanks to zhu and hammy for the luck. Really needed it to make the beautiful 18 pt 3NT.

But somehow it didn't feel like winning. I guess it's a matter of perspective.... You win some, you lose some. I'm beginning to make some sense out of this cryptic line..