Just changed my bg music yet again. This time is a song tht i went crazy over these few days. "future" by S.E.N.S... or more fondly known as the continuation of forbidden love. The melody starts off with the main theme, solemn, bringing over the theme of it being "forbidden". The whole song is just like a story, like 2 lovers who shares a forbidden love. Therefore, the first part of the song is sad and heart-wrenching, showing the fruastration of the lovers of not being able to be together. The melody then complicates, showing the trials and tribulations they faced. Moving on, when u hear the first cymbal crash, its like the star-crossed lovers overcoming all odds to be together. Their hopes, their ideals, their fantasies are all presented. They no longer worry about the past and look forward to the future, carrying high hopes. When the music goes up 1 key, its like all the hopes and dreams culminating into an overture of happiness. Melody here is unrestrained and truly represents the future, hence the title.... I was captivated by this song as it seems to truly reflect wat i am going through- trying to turn my hopes and dreams into an overture of happiness.... all first-time listeners of the song should be deeply touched by the part when the melody changes key...if u are not, use headphones(note- not earphones)

lol, RJ does not accept blank vote....which only continue to show how screwed up the system is...blah...

It seems that the only way to fly.....is to believe in your dreams

"When will u let go?" I face this problem everyday and yet i do not have an answer. Once, i tot tht i did it, i tot i could put down the burden, but i was proven utterly wrong. Since then, i lost my courage and avoided the problem altogether. Life goes on as usual, but there seems to be something missing within me....

Nostalgia is a weakness....Regret is a vulnerability... To protect urself, apathy is the best solution... but it does take some things away from u... Feelings are no longer expressions, they become tools... A smile hides a knife...tears are just a far more effective replacement for persuasive words... To quote, friendship is nothing but a mutual contract of bilateral interests, once the relationship of interests cease to exist, friendship is just trendy jargon invented by idealistic ppl to descibe a non-existent relationship

Fri
Short day... nothing much happened during sch hours...went to CO room after sch to wait for deng and xl to finish. Wanted to go out for lunch but was raining so ate in sch. Somehow, i got half-drenched by being a good guy and offering to ferry junyi to RI and deng had another umbrella which would have left both of us dry. Stupid deng..(nvm shall elaborate on deng later) After lunch had sectionals, 1st proper sectionals we had since the term 1 and perhaps the one conducted by lao zhou. At 5.30, rushed over to bridge to play a few games b4 going for dinner. ah ha, dinner deserves another paragraph. so lets hop down.

While walking, we called deng up. He said he was at S11 playground and would wait for us there. Speculations arose pretty quickly. I hypothesized a "replay telecast" of di hong at band concert, vin and xl were thinking of a group of ppl. Then, when we reached S11 playground, we could not find him. Called him up and started scanning the surroundings. Finally, we took 2 steps forward and turned right to look into the playground and boy were we shocked. One guy and girl sitting inside (i repeat inside) a cube-like structure facing each other. Blackout sia, lightbulb so bright until fuse break... The guy waved at us and we turned 180degrees and walked off in the opposite direction.
aha, so after dinner, we stoned at S11 and a "chemistry experiment"(note: chemistry not chem) was conducted. Deng's phone was "hijacked" and a message was sent 2 ppl, a guy and a girl. The content of the message was one of expressing a love interest. The reply from the guy was sharp and sweet, "wtf". The reply from the girl was less harsh, "wat talking u" and we were talking about how deng had to dash her hopes by replying immediately to clear up the "misunderstanding". wat follows are my speculations: deng was reluctant to let us send the message, but he seems reluctant to try to rescue his "hijacked" phone, which we can infer....(shall leave it up to u to infer)... Hopefully, our little experiment did them more good than harm, for they can take this chance to perhaps rethink and redefine their relationships and possibilities, i'm not suggesting anything just tht this kind of reality check do not happen often so they should really make use of it.
(disclaimer: the above is a candid opinion on wat happened. It is NOT a scandal.)

after all tht nonsense, went to buy bubble tea and walked to bishan cc in search for a condusive environent to talk though deng might disagree (Obviously to him the playground is more condusive:)) Found a playground there and invaded it, sitting down to crap. Crapped about sch life todae, in general, everyone agreed tht sch hours are the worst time and for the 3 of us from CO, we agreed tht CO is the only thing keeping us alive in RJ. Class seems to take a more background role compared to secondary sch. At 9.30, zj took out his gaohu and started playing. Played forbidden love which sounded eerie in the cold night air. At 10, the weekly meeting was finally concluded and we went home...

oh... I'm so "informed" to make an "informed choice" after council campaigning for the past 2 days tht i decide tht everyone is not up to mark and thus receive 0 votes from me. and i made a mistake in the post earlier on, u only have 30 secs to judge a person, not 3 mins. The list of candidates they shortlisted also makes me question the intergrity of the interview....lolz... just a piece of advice to ppl voting, exercise responsibility. If u are thinking of voting for a new-found friend cos he/she is nice, think again. There is a subtle but significant difference between a nice person and a good leader.
But i shall again contradict my own argument. U all can vote in anyway u wan, coz council seems to be so elusive. Whether a person is a councillor or not would probably not have much effect on u, unless tht person is vying with u for a CCA position.
Or else, u can join me in a blank-vote movement:)
In any case, i shall remain apathetic and indifferent to whatever u all do. When results are revealed, i guess i won't be able to tell a councillor from a non-councillor. There are 2 ways of interpreting this, i shall leave it up to u to choose...

hmm...i'm back again... i dun think i would be able to blog a long entry these days thus will pop in now and then to add short entries. Till after SWF maybe, then i'll write a long one, though i feel inclined to comment on council elections yet again..

Lack of sleep is finally getting to me....zombied around in sch todae.. think i will slack off for astro till after SWF else i might die of exhaustion. Almost missed my stop todae when coming home. Lets see...wat happened in sch todae...oh yeah, 1st lesson was a rude awakening to a half-asleep me as our class got lashed at for the 1st time in RJ. Well... she had her point but her methods seem somewhat extreme but well, guess will have to be more careful when dealing with PW...

aha...lets talk about band concert yest... wonderful performance put up. things to note in esplande: 1. audience are performers as well- every single sound can be heard from any corner of the concert hall. 2. do not bring bags- if they have the time they'll pour everything out and decide that u still can't bring ur bag in and force u to leave ur bags elsewhere. Apart from tht, tot tht raffles winds were wonderful with their pirates of the carribean, they seem more relaxed and forceful in expression. RJSB on the other hand, apart from their SWF choice piece, seem to be restraining their expression but well- overall they did fantastic, the celtic folk dance was extremely refreshing, especially the piccolo solo- so nice melody:) 13 bucks was worth every cent of it- kudos to the band ppl....

Sorry for incoherency in entry. falling asleep already but well... i need to complete chem tutorial 1st...signz....

我只能永远读着对白
读着我给你的伤害 我原谅不了我
就请你当作我已不在 我睁开双眼 看着空白
忘记你对我的期待 读完了依赖 我很快就离开

I'm blogging extremely frequently nowadays...seemingly trying to find an outlet for expression of fruastration in the vast web community... This week seems to be a real turning pt of JC life as everything launches into full gear and I'm just like left behind, hanging in the middle of nowhere.

haiz.... never felt myself near breaking point since a long long time ago. Nearly snapped over trival matters in class. If i was in RI, i would not give a damn about lashing straight out but nvm... In RJ, the "apathy" mode seems to be the most reliable and secure. U can't get into trouble and wat others think and say would not affect u. lol, thts why u see me stone sometimes, just dun feel like doing anything, dun wan to care and dun wan to knoe..... Everyone in RJ seems to be on a high, on whatever i dun knoe, but when the majority are like floating in the air, the one standing on the ground(me) would stick out like a sore thumb.

Having lots of thoughts these few days, sorted out my piorities and basically decided my plan for the next few months. CO is going into full swing with SWF and concert approaching. CO seems the place i can channel energy into without fear of backlash. Thus, i'll escape to music... Leave everything else to nature. I had enough of wearing a mask, i dun wan the mask to become part of me. I had enough of giving in fear of losing much more....

On fri, lots of ppl went into philosophical mode, including me. After sch, part of the class was discussing topic "human are shallow in a way or another". A rather interesting argument i came up with goes this way (its sort of circular reasoning), if a human being brings himself to consider another human being shallow, isn't the first human being himself being shallow?.. At night there was no astro training so went with xl and deng to eat at S11. Saw jx coming back for scout's camp along the way, suan him about his uniform, less than 3 months turn brown already...haha... then we ate and then tok cock for about 3 hrs straight. A lot of topics covered, mostly jc life.... felt much better after the session. The 2B should really stick together and come together more often to tok. It's really nice to have someone to fall back on outside of the class. Sometimes i just wish someone in the class was on the same wavelength as me, could read my thoughts. Since Wenting left for 1S12A, no one in class have been able to do so. sianz...i miss my sec 4 class "gang of four" (coined by mrs koh), me, vin, deng and zj. The 4 of us could like tell wat one another was thinking and know when and when not to say certain stuff. Argh.... i miss tht kind of telephathy...

finally, noticed a substantial increase in the daily traffic of my blog. To all new readers welcome, but read at ur own risk and i do knoe tht my archives link is not working, i'm just too lazy to go find out wats wrong. the archives are still available....can click on the link and change the date in the web address. So there....

我愿变成童话里，你爱的那个天使，张开双手，变成翅膀守护你...